Your Bathroom Isn't Festive Enough!

Caroler Tissue Cover from Crochet World Omnibook, Christmas Special, 1980

So, you believe you’ve finished decking your halls for the holidays. The garlands are hung, your tree is decorated, and elves are pole dancing among the Christmas balls. But what about your bathroom?

That’s right, is your bathroom ready for Christmas? After all, Santa consumes a lot of milk and cookies on Christmas Eve. Not to be crude, but what if Santa needs to take a bathroom break by the time he reaches your house? Wouldn’t you want Santa to feel right at home in your washroom?

Okay, maybe not that at home. But I bet making a Christmassy Toilet Roll Cozy now seems very sensible by comparison.

For the full pattern (and a chance to redeem yourself):

Caroler Tissue Cover
By Barbara Gallagher

This dainty Christmas caroler has a voluminous skirt which hides a roll of toilet tissue. This particular lady is made in red, but holly green would be just as pretty.

Besides, don’t forget you won’t just have Santa popping by this festive season. Your spare toilet paper rolls must be hidden from view, lest they offend the delicate sensibilities of your holiday guests.

MATERIALS: Knitting worsted, 4-ply yarn; 4 oz. red, small amount of green 100% angora 1 ball white (1/3 oz); crochet hook size G or 6; 5 tiny snaps; 1/2 yd. 1/4’’ red satin ribbon (if desired).

I’m not sure Barbara could have been any more confusing if she’d tried. There’s at least one comma and a semi-colon missing.

Here’s a fun party game! Print multiple copies of this pattern, pass it around to your friends, and see who can punctuate it correctly. Winner gets a free Caroler Toilet Tissue Cozy!

Or the loser. Your choice.

SKIRT

With red, ch 18.

ROW 1: Make 2 dc in 3rd st from hook, * sk 1, ch 1, 3 dc in next st. Repeat from * to end. Ch 3, turn.

ROW 2: Make 2 dc in 1st st, * ch 1, sk 1, 3 dc in next st. Repeat from * too end. Sl st to 1st dc of same row. Now work in rounds (rnds).

RND 1: Ch 3, sl st in ch 1 sp, repeat from * around ending with sl st in sl st of previous row.

RND 2: Sl st in ch 3 sp, ch 3, make 2 dc, ch 2, 3 dc in ch 3 sp, * 3 dc, ch 2, 3 dc in each ch 3 sp, repeat from * around. Sl st to top of ch 3.

RND 3: * Ch 4, sl st in ch 1 sp, repeat from * around, ending with sl st in sl st of previous row.

And as long as you’re passing around quizzes, why not invite your guests to try this one?

They’ll feel so inadequate by the time they’re done, none of them will have the nerve to criticize your cheapskate canapés.

RND 4: Repeat rnd 2.

RND 5: Repeat rnd 3.

RND 6: Repeat rnd 2.

RND 7: Repeat rnd 3, changing “ch 4” to “ch 5”.

RND 8: Repeat rnd 2.

RND 9: Repeat rnd 7, changing “ch 5” to “ch 6”.

RND 10: Repeat rnd 2.

RND 11: Repeat rnd 9, changing “ch 6” to “ch 7”.

RND 12: Make 4 dc, ch 2, 4 dc in ch 7 sp, around.

RND 13: Repeat rnd 7.

RND 14: Repeat rnd 12.

RND 15: Repeat rnd 11.

RND 16: Repeat rnd 12. Cut yarn.

TRIM: Attach angora in sl st at beginning of rnd 16. Sc in same sp, * ch 3, sl st in 3rd ch from hook, sc in next st, repeat from * around.

Personally, I think your guests should just be grateful you’re not serving them any of these cakes!

LEAVES: (Make 2). With green, ch 6, 1 sc in 2nd ch from hook, * 1 hdc in next st, (1 dc, ch 1, 1 dc in next st) 1 hdc in next st, 1 sc in last ch. Turn sc in next st and repeat from * to end. Cut. Sew to front of skirt.

WHITE MISTLETOE BALLS: (Make 3). With angora, ch 3, 10 dc in 3rd ch from hook. Cut off needle, and gather top of dc to form ball. Sew in place between green leaves. Or, if desired, make 3 tiny pompons and sew in place.

I tried hard to resist the comparison, but...

Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls would definitely be a tastier treat at your Christmas party than fuzzy Angora balls!

Besides, the Angora goat might object.

BODICE: Attach red yarn in ch where first dc 2 was made.

ROW 1: Ch 2, make 1 dc in same place. * 2 dc in next ch where 3 dc was made, repeat from * to end. Ch 1, turn.

ROW 2: 1 sc in each st to end. Ch 1, turn.

ROW 3 & 4: Repeat row 2.

ROW 5: 1 sc in next 4 sc, 1 dec in next 2 sc, sc in next 2 sc, 1 dec in next 2 sc, 1 sc in each sc to end. Ch 1, turn.

ROW 6: 1 sc in next 3 sc, ch 2, sk 1 sc, sc in next 5 sc, ch 2, sk 1 sc, sc to end. Ch 1, turn.

ROW 7: 1 sc in each sc and in ch to end. (15 sc)

ROW 8: Ch 1, continuing down back of bodice and into skirt, make 15 sc. Ch 1, turn.

ROW 9: 1 sc in each sc to neckline. End off. Cut yarn. Sew 4 tiny snaps down back.

COLLAR TRIM: Attach angora at right side of neck, 1 sc in each st. Ch 1, turn. Work trim same as skirt.

SLEEVES: Attach red yarn at underarm, 7 sc around. Sl st to first sc. Ch 1, turn.

RNDS 2 – 6: 1 sc in each sc around. (7 sc). Cut off.

TRIM: Attach white angora and work same as skirt.

Of course there’s more to hosting a successful holiday bash than gussying up your toilet paper and quizzing your guests on punctuation and obscure Christmas traditions.

I recommend hiring a Fairy Godmother to hector your guests on good manners and “being a good loser”.

BONNET

With red yarn, ch 2, 6 sc in 2nd ch from hook. Sl st to first sc. Ch 1.

RND 2: 2 sc in each sc around (12 sc). Sl st to join.

RND 3: Ch 2, working around posts of rnd 2, make 1 dc in each sc. (12 dc). Sl st to join, ch 1.

RND 4: 2 sc in each of 8 dc. (16 sc). Do not finish rnd. Ch 1, turn.

ROWS 5, 6, 7: 2 sc in each sc across (16 sc). Ch 1, turn.

ROW 8: 1 sc in each sc across. Going completely around hat, sc in corners and in each st around back of hat. Join, cut yarn.

TRIM: Work same as skirt trim in white angora.

Attach red ribbon at each side of bonnet, tie in bow, if desired.

Why would you desire a boring old bow, when you can let loose your mad origami skillz?

PANTIES

With red yarn, ch 15, sc in 2nds ch from hook and in each ch across. Ch 1, turn.

ROW 2: 1 sc in each sc around. Ch 1, turn.

ROW 3: Repeat row 2, sl st to first sc to form ring.

RNDS 4 & 5: Ch 1, sc in each sc around.

CROTCH: Ch 4, sl st to 7th sc of same rnd. Ch 1, turn, make 1 sc in each ch st. Join, cut yarn.

Sew tiny snap (or hook and eye) to waistband of panties.

Place dress, panties and bonnet on 8’’ plastic doll. Place doll in the tube of a roll of tissue paper. Arrange skirt neatly.

Yes, this pattern comes complete with panties! Because it’s very important to preserve Dolly’s modesty, even when she’s standing hip deep in toilet paper.

BOOK

Select a short one or two line verse from a Christmas card, approximately 1’’ x 4’’. Fold in half. On one side of “book” cover, wrote “carols”. Cut two or three pieces of paper the same size of “book”, staple to fold. Place in hands of doll.

And speaking of toilet paper – do you have the right toilet paper for the holiday season? After all, your guests will be horribly disappointed if they reach under Dolly’s skirt and don’t find something like this:

Then it won’t matter how many thrilling games of Musical Chairs you organize, your guests will still leave in a huff. You will have ruined Christmas, and your bathroom will never recover from the humiliation.

Click here for the printable pattern.