Santa Got Run Over By a Reindeer!

Santa Claus Star from Crochet for Christmas, 1952

It certainly looks like there’s a hoof mark in the center of his flattened corpse, doesn’t it?

But perhaps we shouldn’t jump to conclusions. After all, despite his reputation as a jolly old soul, Santa isn’t universally loved.



That’s right, the Gingerbread Man might have killed Santa!

Although, it’s unlikely Gingy would frame a reindeer for his crime. I think he’d be proud to take credit for finally ridding the world of the terrifying creature known by some as Santa Claws.

So let’s not wrap up this episode of CSI: North Pole just yet...

For complete pattern (and more suspects!)

Santa Claus Star

Materials Required: AMERICAN THREAD COMPANY “STAR” PEARL COTTON, Article 90, Size 5
2 – balls Bright Red
1 – ball White
1 – ball Black
Steel crochet hook No. 7

In Spain, the Three Kings (AKA Three Wise Guys) traditionally bring presents to children on January 6th. But popular observance of their feast day has been declining as Santa Claus grows in popularity and more families choose to celebrate on December 25th.

Now I don’t understand Spanish, but based on the evidence I’ve found, it’s safe to say that the Three Kings are pretty peeved about their demotion. Warning: As I don’t know how colourful their royal vocabulary gets, I have no idea if this video is work safe.

Since these three gentlemen can cross the Middle East on camelback, battling bandits, sand storms and ferocious lions while following yonder star – wasting Mr. Claus would be a cakewalk.

With Red ch 2, 5 sc in 2nd st from hook. Join all rounds and ch 1 to turn each round.
2nd Round – 2 s c in each s c.
3rd Round – * 1 s c in next s c, 2 s c in next s c, repeat from * all around.
4th Round – Working in s c, increase in every 3rd st.
5th Round – Increase in every 4th st. Continue working in same manner until there are 8 sts between increasing points.
11th Round – Increase in every 5th st (60 s c).

Still, the case against the Three Kings is far from conclusive. Some of Grandma’s grieving relatives may also have had a motive to murder Santa.

Oh, wait. It looks like Grandma survived after all. Well, that rules them out.

Next Row. ARM POINT – 1 s c in each of the next 12 s c, ch 1, turn.
2nd Row – Decrease 1 s c at the beginning and end of row (to decrease: * insert hook in next st, pull loop through, repeat from * once, thread over and work off all loops at one time).
3rd and 4th Rows – 1 s c in each s c. Repeat the last 3 rows once.
8th Row – Same as 2nd row, cut Red, turn.
9th and 10th Rows – Attach White and work 1 s c in each s c.
11th Row – Same as 2nd row, cut White, turn.
12th and 13th Rows – Attach Black and work 1 s c in each s c.
14th Row – Same as 2nd row.
Next 2 Rows – Work even.
Next Row – Decrease 1 st, cut Black, turn.

And while Matazone’s Mittens has a murderous streak a mile long, that kitty doesn’t want to slay Santa. He just wants to kidnap Santa and hold the world to ransom.

LEG POINT – With wrong side of 11th round toward you attach Red in 1st free s c, s c in same space, 1 s c in each of the next 11 s c.
Next 4 Rows – Same as 2nd, 4th and 5th rows of arm point, cut Red, turn.
Next 2 Rows – With White work even.
Next Row – Same as 2nd row of arm point, cut White, turn.
Next 2 Rows – With Black work even.
Next Row – Same as 2nd row of arm point. Repeat the last 3 rows once.
Next 2 Rows – Work even.
Next Row – Decrease 1 st, cut Black. With wrong side of 11th round toward you, attach Red in 1st free s c and work another leg point in same manner. With wrong side of 11th round toward you, attach Red and work another arm point.

Besides the guilty party could have been a disgruntled elf or two. Why just look at their murderous scowls!

Hang on, I forgot that the elves finally unionized. Now they’re way too busy eradicating each other to bump off the boss.

HEAD POINT – Attach Red in next free st of 11th round and work 1st 5 rows same as 1st 5 rows of arm point, cut Red, turn.
Next 2 Rows – With White work even.
Next Row – Same as 2nd row of arm point. Work 1 row even.
Next Row – Ch 5, sl st in next s c, * ch 3 sl st in next s c, repeat from * twice, ch 5, sl st in next st, cut White, turn.
Next Row – Attach Red in s c of 9th row and keep loops to front of work, work 1 s c in each s c.
Next Row – Same as 2nd row of arm point. Work 2 rows even. Repeat the last 3 rows once.
Next Row – Decrease 1 st, cut Red.

Maybe no one nixed St. Nick. Maybe, as a result of Santa’s drunk driving, he tragically crashed his sleigh.

MUSTACHE – Cut 5 1 inch lengths of White. Sew together at center and sew to face and trim.
BEARD – With White ch 9, cut thread. Cut 27-2 inch lengths of White. Pull 3 strands through each st of ch. Fold strands in half and sew in position. Embroider eyes and nose as illustrated. Work another face on opposite side of star.

Wait, Santa is two-faced?

If he literally has eyes in the back of his head, that certainly explains how he knows if we’ve been bad or good. And if he’s metaphorically two-faced, well... no wonder everyone wants him dead!

I suggest you make one of his faces happy and the other one foaming at the mouth angry. This way Santa’ll have an appropriate expression for the nice children and the naughty ones.

BELT – With White ch 4, s c in 2nd st from hook, 1 s c in each remaining st of ch, ch 1 to turn all rows.
2nd Row – 1 s c in each s c. Repeat the last row 15 times.
18th Row – 1 s c in each of the next 2 s c, sl st in next st.
19th Row – Sl st in sl st, 1 s c in each remaining st. Work next 17 rows in s c, cut thread.
BUCKLE – With Black, ch 14, join to form a ring and work 1 sl st in each st of ch, join, cut thread leaving a length. Sew thread at opposite side to form a slide for belt. Place buckle on belt. Work another section of belt and buckle in same manner. Place on star having 1 buckle at the front and one at the back.

Of course, considering that some people stash their loaded guns behind their Christmas tree, I think this cartoon illustrates the most likely scenario for Santa’s demise.

“What? No, Cindy-Lou, that’s not a gunshot wound. Reindeer have very sharp hooves. That’s right, Santa was run over by his reindeer! So, come on kids, it’s time to hunt down Rudolph and make him pay!”

Click here for the printable pattern.