How to Give Santa a Hot Foot!

Crocheted Boot from Christmas Designs to knit and crochet, 1978.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you offer Santa a warm, soothing foot bath, although that’s one way to get transferred from the naughty to the nice list. No, I’m talking about the classic practical joke where a match is inserted between the sole and upper of a shoe while someone is still wearing it. Then you light the match, and wackiness ensues.

True, the above photo suggests that just one match isn’t going to do the job with Mr. Claus’ boot. I bet it’s made out of supernatural asbestos to protect Santa from careless parents who leave a fire burning on Christmas Eve. And yes, I was told as a kid to never, ever play with matches. But, c’mon, it’s only a hot foot! I’m sure Santa’s up for a bit of harmless pranking, right?

Oops.

For the complete pattern (and consequences!):

Crocheted Boot

designed by Grace Burrell;
Westfield Yarn Shoppe, Westfield, MA

The Westfield Yarn Shoppe is gone, but not forgotten thanks to this perfect gift for the pyromaniac in your life.

SIZE: Approx. 10” high.

Santa likes high heels.

MATERIALS: Craft or rug yarn (70-yd skeins), 5 skeins green, 2 skeins white, small amount of red or ¾ yd red ribbon; aluminum crochet hook size K (Canadian size 2) or size needed for gauge; 4” x 10” piece of heavy cardboard.

And you’ll need enough matches to burn down Chicago again. After all, since it’s unlucky to give a purse with no money in it, I’m sure that the same bad luck applies to empty crochet boots.

GAUGE: In sc 5 sts = 2”; 8 rows = 3”

INSTRUCTIONS:

AWAKE NOW?

Note: Work with double strand of yarn throughout.

Sole: With green, ch 16.

Rnd 1: Sc in 2nd ch from hook (first chain is turning ch) and in each of the next 13 chs, 4 sc in last ch; turn piece to work along unworked side of chain; sc in each of next 13 chs, 2 sc in last ch, 2 sc in turning ch: 34 sc.

Whoa, get Lynne Truss in here – stat!

Rnd 2 (Note: Mark first sc for beg of rnd and move marker each rnd.) * Sc in each of next 14 sc, 2 sc in next sc (inc made), sc in next sc, inc in next sc; rep from * once: 38 sc.

Rnd 3: * Sc in each of next 14 sc, inc in next sc, sc in each of next 3 sc, inc in next sc; rep from * once: 42 sc.

Rnds 4-6: Work 3 rnds more in same manner, having 2 more sc between increases each end of sole each rnd: 54 sc.

I haven’t seen such flagrant abuse of semicolons since the Son of Sam.

Foot: Rnd 1: Working in back loop only, sc in each sc around.

Rnds 2-5: Working through both top loops of each sc, rep Rnd 1, 4 times.

Not that I’m implying that crocheted boot designer Grace Burrell was a serial killer.

Leg: Rnd 1: Sc in each of next 8 sc, ch 10, sk next 25 sc, join ch with sc in next sc, sc in each of rem 20 sc.

Rnd 2: Continuing to mark beg of rnd, sc in each sc and each ch around: 38 sc.

Rnd 3: Sc in each sc around. Rep Rnd 3 until piece measures 7” from Rnd 1 of Leg; at end of last rnd, sl st in next sc; finish off green.

Even though putting this Boot O’ Matches in front of an unscreened fireplace does technically qualify as “depraved indifference to human life.”

Toe: Join green with sl st in unworked side of 10th ch on Rnd 1.

Row 1: Ch 1, sc in same ch as joining and in unworked side of each rem 9 chs; ch 1, turn.

Row 2: Sc in each sc across; ch 1, turn: 10 sc.

Rows 3-7: Rep Row 2, 5 times more.

Row 8: Pull up a loop in each of first 2 sc, YO and draw through 3 loops on hook (dec made), sc in each sc across to last 2 sc, dec; ch 1, turn: 8 sc.

Row 9: Rep Row 2.

Rows 10 and 11: Rep Row 8, twice; 4 sc. Finish off green.

I’m sure Grace was a very nice person who never killed or manslaughtered anyone. Which was quite an accomplishment during the violence happy 1970s.

Cuff: With right side facing, join white with sl st in center back st of leg.

Rnd 1: Ch 3 (counts as first dc), dc in each sc around, join with sl st in 3rd ch of beg ch-3.

Rnd 2: Working in front loop only to form turning ridge, ch 3, dc in each dc around, join with sl st in 3rd ch of beg ch-3.

Rnds 3 and 4: Working through both top loops of each dc, rep Rnd 2, twice. Finish off white.

Just because this crocheted match cozy is a pyromaniac’s dream boot, in no way proves that Grace Burrell was a criminal mastermind working for S.P.E.C.T.R.E.

Finishing: Sew Toe section to front of boot.

Ribbon: (Note: Velveteen ribbon may be used in place of crocheted ribbon.)

And I’m sure that Velveteen ribbon is not made out of Velveteen Rabbits.

With single strand of red, make a chain approx. 27” long.

Row 1: Sc in second ch from hook and in each ch across; finish off. Pull end of ribbon through to inside of leg at side of foot and out again at opposite side. Tie in bow. Fold cuff along turning ridge to outside. Trim cardboard to shape of sole and insert in boot.

Now are you ready, Crocheted Boot? Start walking!

Click here for the printable pattern.