Because even bank robbers have kids...

Fun Mask pattern from Lady Galt, by Newlands-Harding, Young Canada, vol. 18, c. 1965

Long time readers will remember the sad saga of Sno-Mask Man the first – and last – slalom bank robber. Despite the excitement of the ensuing police chase, ski-robbery was never destined to become an Olympic sport.

Still, just because Dad’s in the hoosegow, doesn’t mean Junior won’t want to grow up to be just like him.

His grandma’s even made a few modifications to the original design. She’s provided better nose coverage, even more psychotic eyes – although she may have been trying for Old Man Spectacles – and a reverse cleft chin that has a villainous Van Dyke vibe. She’s also eliminated the pompom, thus ensuring that this time the coppers won’t be able to nab her kinfolk by the decorative doodad.

Handmade by Mother is not legally responsible for any contribution to the delinquency of minors this mask pattern may cause. I mean, jeez, it’s not a pattern for an evil hoodie!

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

Fun Mask

(WILL FIT ALL HEAD SIZES)

That’s right, you can have illegal fun no matter how big your noggin!

MATERIAL: Newlands-Harding 4 ply *kroy Sock and Sweater Yarn (Group B)**

The ** leads to the bottom of the page, where there’s a note that says, “FOR OTHER YARNS IN THIS GROUP, SEE THE INTERCHANGEABLE YARN CHART ON PAGE 55.”

“You can’t push me around, warden!”

Er, I mean, you’re just going to have to interchange at your own risk.

Main Color (MC) 2 1-oz balls

Contrast (CC) 1 1-oz ball

Bank robbers are all about personal freedom. Select whichever colours are closest to the exit of the store where you are shoplifting – I mean shopping!

1 pair needles Size 9 OR THE SIZE NEEDLES YOU REQUIRE TO KNIT TO THE TENSION GIVEN BELOW

TENSION: 6 1/2 sts = 1 inch

Bank robbers yell a lot. They also don’t believe in the repressive dictatorship of conventional punctuation. Plus, stopping to put a period at the end of your sentence might slow down your getaway.

Beginning at lower edge using MC cast on 112 sts. Work in rib of k 2, p 2 for 2 ins, decreasing 2 sts on last row. Then work in stockinette following Graph A for 11 rows.

 

Break off CC. With MC purl 1 row increasing 1 st at centre. Count sts and mark centre of row. Using MC continue in stockinette shaping chin as follows: Knit to within 1 st of marker, inc 2 sts in each of the next 2 sts (by knitting in the front, then back, then front again of same st), k 4, turn; sl 1, p 13, turn; sl 1, k to within 1 st of marker, inc 2 sts in each of the next 2 sts as before, k 10, turn; sl 1, p 25, turn; sl 1 k to within 1 st of marker, inc 2 sts in each of the next 2 sts, k 16, turn; sl 1, p 37, turn; sl 1, k to within 1 st of centre, inc 2 sts in each of next 2 sts, k 22, turn; sl 1, p 49.

Of course, you could save yourself a lot of trouble here and just buy a fake Van Dyke for your dear little villain-in-training.

Now discontinue increases, but continue to work short rows as established (working 4 sts more each row) until there are 74 sts between turns. Then continue short rows, decreasing 2 sts at centre (by knitting 2 tog twice) every row 3 times. Then continue working 4 more sts each row until all sts are worked and at the same time make mouth as follows:

This, by the way, was a test to see if you are the kind of knitter who reads ahead in the pattern. If you’ve already worked all the sts and there’s no mouth – you failed.

On the other hand, if your grandchild’s teeth are like Steve Buscemi’s, this may be a good thing.

Knit to within 6 sts of centre, cast off next 12 sts fro mouth, work to end. On next row cast on 11 sts over the 12 cast off on previous row. When all sts have been worked make nose as follows: Row 1: (right side) Still using MC knit to centre, cast on 14 sts for nose (and place a marker at centre of these 14 sts) knit to end. Purl 1 row. With CC work 2 rows. Next Row: Follow Graph B over the first 60 sts, with MC k 5, k 2 tog twice, k 5, follow Graph B over the remaining 60 sts.

 

Now continue to follow Graph B on the 60 sts at each side, keeping the extra nose sts in MC and decreasing 1 st each side of marker every row until all nose sts have been decreased. There are 105 sts left.

However, you definitely want to ensure that you include a nose opening. However unattractive your grandchild’s nose might be, he still needs to breathe!

Now continue to follow Graph B casting off for eyes on 9th row as follows: Work 47 sts, cast off next 11 sts for eye, work 4, cast off next 11 sts for other eye, work to end. On next row cast on 11sts over each 11 cast off on previous row.

Or, you could cast off for only one eye to add a piratical flair. Although do keep in mind that robbing banks is an occupation that may require depth perception.

Complete Graph B. Break off CC. Then work even with MC for 10 rows. Now follow Graph C for 8 rows.

 

Break off CC. With MC shape top as follows: Row 1: * K 10, k 2 tog; repeat from * to end. Row 2: Purl. Row 3: * K 9, k 2 tog; repeat from * to end. Row 4: Purl. Continue in this manner decreasing 10 sts every knit row (having 1 sts less between decreases) until 10 sts remain. Break yarn, leaving an end 24 ins long. Draw through the 10 sts and fasten securely. Sew seam. With crochet hook work around mouth and eyes with CC if desired.

If desired? Who wouldn’t leap at the opportunity to give their grandchild lips like Angelina Jolie and the eyes of Ted Bundy?

BLOCK LIGHTLY TO SIZE

YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!

Ahem. Well. Maybe I'll block, and maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll just dampen it and make the kid wear it until it’s dry. That way it’ll be guaranteed to fit perfectly.

Click here for the printable pattern.

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Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged!

Caps, booties and mittens from “Babies Are Such Fun to Dress” c. 1965

Before I became a mom, I used to shake my head at the way mothers dressed their babies. “Are they deliberately trying to scar their children for life,” I’d wonder.

But when my prophylactic headgear failed to prevent preg—I mean a visit from the stork, something unexpected happened. Suddenly, all that cutesy crap began to look adorable. I went from wincing at the sight of little lumberjack outfits with baby polar bears appliquéd on the front to squeeing like a pregnant girly man.

So, if moms in the 1960s wanted to bedeck their infants in Goldilocks’ Scalp and Dead Clown Caps, I’m in no position to judge them.

Because to this day, my son still hates plaid.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

Lids for Kids

Rejected titles included Toppers for Toddlers and Fedoras for Fetuses.

1 year

Finally, a vintage pattern that’s honest about how long it’ll take to complete.

Materials Required:

AMERICAN THREAD COMPANY
“DAWN” KNITTING WORSTED
5 ounces White
1 ounce Amber for Pig Tail Cap
1/3 ounce Amber for Clown Face Cap or colors of your choice
1 button
1 1/2 yd. 1/4 inch ribbon
Aluminum crochet hook size H OR ANY SIZE HOOK WHICH WILL RESULT IN STITCH GAUGE BELOW.
5 inches x 3 inches Red Felt, 5 inches by 2 inches Black Felt, 2 inches x 2 inches Blue Felt
GAUGE: 7 sc = 2 inches, 4 rows = 1 inch

Shouted exhortations and bossy bolding aside, making sure you’ve got the correct gauge is a good idea. If you make these tacky togs too large, Junior might learn to walk and talk before they’ll fit. And by then he’ll be able to run away screaming when you ask him to wear them.

CLOWN CAP

Work 2 side sections same as 1st 8 rounds of Boy’s Cap on page 23.

Arrgh! I’m presently on page 16. You’d think they’d put the instructions EARLIER in the pattern book, not LATER. But no! That would be RATIONAL.

*deep breath*

Okay, here’s what page 23 says, slightly modified to fit this particular pattern:

BOY’S CAP

Ch 2, 6 sc in 2nd st from hook, do not join this or following rounds. Place a marker at beginning of each round. 2nd ROUND: 2 sc in each sc (12 sc). 3rd ROUND: * 2 sc in next sc, 1 sc in next sc, repeat from * all around. 4th ROUND: * 2 sc in next sc, 1 sc in each of the next 2 sc, repeat from * all around. Continue increasing in same manner, having 1 more st between increases in each round (for 8 rounds total).

And now back to page 16, where we’ll pretend that this pattern is not deliberately trying to drive us insane.

NEXT ROW: 1 sc in each of the next 32 sc, ch 1, turn. NEXT ROW: 1 sc in each sc. Repeat last row 6 times, cut yarn. With right side of work toward you attach yarn and crochet the 2 sections together with a row of sc; then work a row of sc all around Cap working 1 sc in each sc and 1 sc in each row at center section, join.

Although, as already stated, motherhood breeds its own special brand of madness.

NEXT ROW: Ch 2, dc in same space, * skip 1 sc, sc in next sc, ch 2, dc in same space (shell), repeat from * all around, join, cut yarn.

For it wasn’t just saccharine swaddling that caught my fancy. I became mesmerized by children’s television programming, too. I remember sitting in front of the TV with my six week old daughter saying, “See Big Bird? See? Wave to Big Bird!”

My daughter still has nightmares about her mother forcing her to wave at a big, blurry, yellow blob.

CHIN STRAP: Ch 3, sc in 2nd st from hook, sc in next st of ch, ch 1, turn. 2nd ROW: 1 sc in each sc, ch 1, turn. Repeat 2nds row 19 times or length desired. NEXT ROW: Sc in next sc, ch 1, sc in next sc, (Buttonhole), ch 1, turn. NEXT ROW: 1 sc in each sc, cut yarn. Sew one side of Chin Strap in position and sew Button to Cap.

And considering that I’m currently wearing a Mickey Mouse T-shirt, I’m pretty sure I haven’t completely recovered my reason.

FACE: Cut sections of felt as illustrated using Red for Mouth and Nose and Black for Eyes and Eyegrows.

Hee! They wrote “eyegrows”!

Wait, those are supposed to be eyebrows? Then what are those big, yellow caterpillars crawling across the clown’s forehead?

POMPON: Wind Amber 20 times around a 1 inch cardboard. Tie one end, cut other end and trim into shape. Tie 2 pompons over each Eye as illustrated. Complete other side to correspond.

Oh, they’re pompons. Because obviously all clowns have pompons glued to their foreheads.

But why does the clown have X’s where his eyes should be? Sure, I think clowns are creepy, but even I think it’s a bit harsh to teach kiddies that the only good clown is a dead clown.

BOOTIES

Ch 26 (to measure about 6 inches), join being careful not to twist ch, 1 sc in same space, 1 sc in each st of ch. Do not join this or following rounds. Place a marker at beginning of each round. Work even in sc until section measures 2 inches.

BEADING: Sc in next sc, ch 1, skip next sc, sc in next sc, repeat from * all around ending with ch 1, skip 1 sc, sl st in next sc.

Wait, “repeat from *”? Where’s the *?

Oh heck, just pick a spot and start repeating. You know that’s what your inner child wants you to do.

NEXT ROUND: Ch 1, sc in same space, * sc in ch 1 loop, sc in next sc, repeat from * all around (26 sts), join, cut yarn. NEXT ROW: Fold section in half, attach yarn in 10th st from center back for Instep, 1 sc in same space, 1 sc in each of the next 7 sc, ch 1, turn. NEXT ROW: 1 sc in each sc (8 sc), ch 1, turn. Repeat last row until Instep measures 2 inches ending on right side. NEXT ROW: Work 6 sc on side of Instep, 1 sc in each of the next 9 sc (center back). Work other side to correspond, do not turn. NEXT ROUND: 1 sc in each sc decreasing 3 sts evenly spaced around Toe. NEXT 2 ROUNDS: 1 sc in each sc. NEXT ROUND: Working in back loop of sts only work 1 sc in each sc. NEXT ROUND: 1 sc in each sc decreasing 3 sts evenly spaced at Toe and Heel. NEXT ROUND: 1 sc in each sc, join, cut yarn and seam center of sole. With right side of work toward you fold Bootie at ridge to from outside edge of Sole. Attach yarn in center stitch at back of heel and picking up entire st, work a row of sc all around ridge, join, cut yarn. Attach yarn in center st at back of Bootie and work 26 sc around top, join. NEXT ROUND: Work a row of shells same as Cap, join, cut yarn. Lace ribbon through Beading and work Face as illustrated. Work a pompon same as Cap and sew in position.

And now that you’ve finished making Dead Clown Booties for your baby boy, you can grab his tiny, flailing ankle and attempt to stuff his feet into them. For added entertainment, you can have your husband standing by with a stopwatch, timing exactly how long it will take your child to rip them off.

Personally, I think the Baby Booty Toss would be the perfect event to add to the upcoming Winter Olympics.

MITTENS

Ch 21, join being careful not to twist ch, ch 1, 1 sc in each st of ch, do not join this or following rounds. Place a marker at beginning of each round. NEXT ROUND: 1 sc in each sc. Repeat the last round until Mitten measures 3 inches from beginning. NEXT 3 ROUNDS: Decrease 4 sts evenly spaced in each round but not directly over decreases of previous round, cut yarn leaving an end, thread into needle and draw through remaining sts. BEADING: Attach yarn at opposite side of starting ch, ch 1, 1 sc in next st of ch, * ch 1, skip 1 st of ch sc in next st, repeat from * all around, join in 1st sc. NEXT ROUND: Ch 1, sc in same space, * 1 sc in next ch 1 space, 1 sc in next sc, repeat from * all around ending to correspond, join. NEXT ROUND: Work a row of shells same as Cap, join, cut yarn. Lace ribbon through Beading and work Face as illustrated. Trim with pompon same as Bootie.

The best thing about these mittens, assuming you can get them on the child, is that they have no thumbs. So, once they’re fastened snugly around the wrists, your baby can’t grab anything.

Yeah, these mittens have very little to do with keeping him warm, and everything to do with protecting Mommy’s few remaining shreds of sanity.

PIG TAIL CAP, MITTENS & BOOTIES

1 year

Work same as Clown Cap, Mittens and Booties, but embroider face for cap as illustrated using Blue felt for eyes, Red felt for mouth and nose and outline eyes and eyebrows with Black “STAR” Six Strand Mercerized Embroidery Cotton.

BRAID Cut 50 strands 16 inches long, tie in center. Divide in thirds and braid each side tightly. Tie each end with ribbon bows and trim evenly. Sew braid in position as illustrated. Cut 40 1 inch strands for bangs and sew in place. Complete other side of cap to correspond. BOOTIES AND MITTENS: Embroider a face as illustrated and finish with Pompom.

Pompom, pompon, it’s all the same choking hazard.

As for the golden locks, if your one year old daughter happens to be a brunette, or still bald as a cue ball, this Gentlemen and Mommies Prefer Blondes Bonnet should instill a proper sense of her own inadequacy. Thus ensuring by the time she’s a teenager, your darling will be prepared to sublimate all of her dangerous urges to park with boys into food and dancing.

But not to Rock and Roll! That’s the devil’s music.

Sigh... they grow up so fast!

Click here for the printable pattern.

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Miss Popularity

Stocking Cap Pattern from Hats, Bags and Bulky Sweaters, c. 1955

“I know it’s really none of my business,” began Edith.

Martha cringed. What was it this time? Had Melvin mowed the lawn diagonally instead of horizontally? Or... oh horrors! Had she somehow missed a church bazaar?

“Teenagers are so hard to control these days,” said Edith. “Those girls have all gone boy crazy.”

Martha was puzzled. Edith couldn’t possibly be talking about her daughter, Clara. She was a good girl – a straight A student and a cheerleader.

“But we must discourage their rampant immorality,” said Edith, wringing her hands together. “And to think you allow Clara to wear that hat!”

“What’s wrong with her hat?” asked Martha. “It’s just a stocking cap Clara crocheted for herself.” Sure, it didn’t look terribly warm, but it was quite fetching the way Clara always wore it, wrapped attractively around her throat.

Edith’s face turned several shades of mauve and chartreuse as her mouth opened and closed without a sound coming out. Finally, in a choked voice, she managed to whisper, “For God’s sake, Martha. It has a reservoir tip!”

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

CROCHETED STOCKING CAP

This Crocheted Stocking Cap with Beads can be made with:

“DAWN” NYLON of KNITTING WORSTED SIZE

or

“DAWN” KNITTING WORSTED.

3 ozs. Flame or color desired.

Clara went for Flame, figuring the colour would help stir up flames of passion in the boys at school.

Plastic crochet hook, size J same as size 9.

125 medium sized pearl beads.

GAUGE: 2 rows = 1 inch.

Cap is worked rather loosely throughout.

That’s right. Despite what her mother Martha fondly believes, Clara isn’t a “good girl”.

Ch 4, join to form a ring, ch 1 and work 8 s c in ring, join.

2nd Round: * Insert hook in next s c, pull loop up 1/2 inch, yarn over and pull through both loops on hook, the stitch will now have a single thread at back of loop, insert hook under the single thread, yarn over and pull loop through (2 loops on hook), yarn over and pull through both loops at one time, repeat from * 7 times, do not join this or the following rounds. Place a marker at beginning of each round.

3rd Round: Draw up a 1/2 inch loop on hook, yarn over and pull through loop forming a ch, s c over single loop of st, s c in next s c (single knot st), repeat from * 7 times.

When her church organized a Rock-and-Roll record burning bonfire, Clara held a Rock Around the Clock dance in her parents’ basement.

4th Round: * Work a single knot st, s c in next s c, repeat from * all round (8 single knot sts).

5th Round: * Work a single knot st, s c in next s c, work a single knot st, s c in next s c, work a single knot st, s c in same s c (an increase), repeat from * 3 times (12 single knot sts).

6th & 7th Rounds: Work even.

8th Round: Increase 1 single knot st after every 3rd single knot st (16 single knot sts). Work 7 sounds even.

Clara also attends wild beach parties every weekend.

Next 25 Rounds: Work even, but draw up loops about 1 inch.

41st Round: Turn work to wrong side and * work 1 s c in long loop and 1 s c in s c of same knot st, 1 s c in next s c, repeat from * all around, join, turn.

42nd Round: 1 s c in each s c, join, turn.

43rd Round: 1 s c in each s c, join, cut yarn.

Rumour has it, Clara’s the kind of girl who parks in cars.

FINISHING : Starting at top of cap, sew on 22 pearls close together forming a large marble size knot. Sew remainder of pearls over the 1st 12 rounds sewing over the s c of knot sts placing pearls about 1 inch apart.

Other jewelry, like sequins , rhinestones, or decorative buttons can be substituted for pearls.

Cap can be worn in different ways as follows: roll back to form a turban...

And then slowly and sensually unroll it as the date progresses. That’s what Clara does!

...or for cold days wrap end around neck and fasten on opposite side.

And ta-dah! The hat’s once again demure enough for Mom and Dad.

Of course, the free and easy option is too risqué to discuss in mixed company. But Clara swears it drives all the boys wild. Well, that and high heels.

Having learned the truth, her mother Martha could only long for the good old days, when girls like Clara would have been married off before they turned sixteen.

Her friend Edith explained it was all the fault of those sex education films they showed at high schools. Imagine encouraging young girls to go out with a different boy every Friday night!

“Mark my words,” said Edith. “The 1950s will be remembered a decade of immorality and sinful hats!”

Click here for the printable pattern.


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Love is...

Roll-Brimmed Hat pattern from Good Housekeeping Needlecraft, Fall-Winter 1973-74

...or you could make this one.

“I hate this hat,” Barbara said. “And I’m not wearing it to the wine and cheese party.”

“No, you must wear it,” Bernard protested. “The white brim symbolizes the sterility of narcissism while the goldenrod crown embodies the malaise that has gripped our nation.”

Not for the first time Barbara regretted marrying a philosophy professor. “It makes me look like Attila the Hun’s wife!”

“Bah! Attila’s wife wasn’t foxy enough to wear a hat that expresses the ennui of our very existence.”

Barbara sighed. So what if she hated her humdrum hat, her itchy acrylic sweater, and the chunky plastic jewelry that chafed her delicate wrists. These were the sacrifices you made to be the fashion icon of the fondue fad.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

ROLL BRIMMED HAT

Size: One Size Fits All

Which means it won’t fit me, because I have a ridiculously large head for a woman. And it won’t fit my daughter either, because at the ripe old age of thirteen she’s still in children’s hat sizes.

One size fits some.

Materials: Spinnerin Homespun: 1 A, 2 B. Boye aluminum crochet hook Size I or size to give gauge.

Spinnerin Homespun has been discontinued, but back in the day it was a “big bulky” yarn that was 100 % virgin wool. But go ahead and substitute any other super bulky yarn, in any two colors you like. However, if you decide to be true to the spirit of the Seventies, you’ll want to choose Harvest Gold and Endangered Ivory.

With A, ch 4, join with sl st to form ring. Work 10 sc in ring. Using a contrast strand of yarn, place yarn between first and last st worked to mark rnds. Rnd 2: Work 2 sc in each sc around (20 sc). Rnd 3: * Sc in next 2 sc, 2 sc next sc (1 sc inc), repeat from * 5 times, ending sc in last 2 sc (26 sc). Rnds 4 through 10: Inc 6 sc evenly spaced around, being sure not to have incs fall over incs of previous rnd (68 sc). Rnd 11: Sc in each sc around. Rnd 12: Inc 1 sc in round. Repeat last 2 rnds twice, then repeat rnd 11 once. Fasten off A; attach B. Rnds 18 and 19: Working on 71 sc, sc in each sc around, turn.

Personally, I find the easiest way to increase evenly without going over the previous incs, is to follow a pattern like this:

Rnd 3: Sc in next 2 sc, inc, repeat around, ending with 2 sc (26)

Rnd 4: Sc in next 3 sc, inc, repeat around, ending with 2 sc (32)

Rnd 5: Sc in next 4 sc, inc, repeat around, ending with 2 sc (38)

And so forth. This will give you nice, neat incs, and when you look at your hat from the top you’ll just be able to perceive a pretty spiral pattern in the fabric.

Brim – Rnd 20: Work in sc, inc’ing 3 sc evenly spaced around. Rnd 21: Working on 74 sc, sc in each sc around. Rnd 22: Working in sc, inc 8 sc evenly spaced around. Rnd 23: Working in sc, inc 2 sc evenly spaced around. Rnds 24 and 25:Repeat Rnds 22 and 23.

But don’t make this hat if you won’t be able to love it. Otherwise you’ll end up looking like Barbara. Yes, her face did freeze that way.

Rnds 26 through 29: Working on 94 sc, sc in each sc around. Rnd 30: Sc in next 2 sc, * draw up a lp in next 2 sc,, yo and through 3 lps on hook (1 sc dec), sc in next 11 sc, repeat from * 10 times, ending last repeat with sc in next 3 sc instead of 11 sc (83 sc). Rnd 31: Working in sc, dec 11 sts evenly spaced around (72 sc). Next Rnd: Work sl st in each sc around. Break and fasten off.

Although, Barbara’s expression of perpetual discontent didn’t harm her career as a fashion model in the slightest. In fact, it gave her an advantage over the competition, as her cheek muscles were already fixed in the industry-mandated pout.

 

This, by the way, is Anja Rubik. In a 2007 interview with Teen Vogue, she said that the number one lesson she took away from her experiences as a catwalk veteran was:

“Smile! ‘If you go around with a smile on your face, instead of being grumpy and scowling, everything gets easier. Not only that, but you make the people around you feel much better, and that creates a good sense of teamwork, like we're all in this together. Things are always better if you smile.’”

Here she is, with her mom and dad, smiling:

 

No really, that’s her happy face!

Click here for the printable pattern.

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DIY - It's a Brady Bunch Cloche Convention!

On the left we have the original cloche from “Bucilla Bonnets and Bags” from 1970. And on the right is the one I made way back in June, modeled by my good friend, JFK.

And in the middle is our newest member of the cloche family, 12 year old Waad!

Isn’t her cloche lovely?

To see Waad’s cloche close up:

Long time reader, Hind of Alexandria, Egypt, sent this letter along with the photos of Waad and her hat:

“Hello, allow me to introduce a very young admirer of your blog. This is a photo of my neighbour and friend Waad, wearing a bonnet she made all by herself from 'The Curious Case of Bonnets & Bags, Part 1'. Waad (which means in Arabic: A promise) is 12 years old. She is in the 6th grade at school where she began learning the basics of crochet last year. She liked it so much that it was not satisfying for her to stay at the potholder making level.

“This bonnet is the first part of her plan to make her own winter accessories. She worked after the pattern, with one difference. That is, making 6 rounds of dc instead of hdc as you had warned us in your DIY that the bonnet becomes too small if one follows the instructions as they are. She added a pom pom and found that she liked the back of the sc better.

“The photos were taken by her mother and sent to me today. If I helped her, it was only with words and when I wanted to explain a stitch or anything else to her I always did it with a different yarn. So this is really her own project.”

 

And very impressive one, too!

Waad, I’ve been knitting for about ten years, but I only started to crochet just last year. So, I remember very well what a challenge it was to learn.

I’m very impressed with your talent, and I’m looking forward to seeing what you do in the future.

Best wishes to you!


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She Made It All By Herself!

Velvetex Hat No. 212 from The Peter Pan Hat Book, Vol. 5, c. 1940

“Ah, ha!” I exclaimed, when I stumbled across this pattern yesterday. “Here’s the perfect way to use up all those leftover chenille sticks from Halloween!”

Sadly, despite its charming “I made this in kindergarten with used pipe cleaners” appearance, this hat was actually constructed out of Velvetex yarn. And alas, Velvetex’s velvety smooth fibers are now monopolized by mountain biking, guitar heroes with really sore feet. How very selfish!

I suppose, theoretically, you could substitute any other super-bulky chenille yarn for Velvetex. But you are taking a terrible risk. What if your chenille chapeau chafes your delicate skin? Everybody will laugh at you!

What? You think people will laugh at the hat itself?

Ladies who grew up during the 1940s didn’t tolerate that kind of sass. Don’t believe me? Just ask your grandma if anyone dares laugh at her choice in headgear.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

VELVETEX HAT No. 212

Peter Pan Velvetex – 1 Skein (9 yds.)

That’s right, use Peter Pan Velvetex, or Wendy and the Lost Boys will mess you up!

No. 10 Wooden Crochet Hook

Got that? Wood! Don’t try using any of those plastic crochet hooks. They’ll slide too easily through the Velcro-like yarn and you won’t ever finish your pipe cleaner hat... I mean, super-bulky chenille chapeau.

Ch. 4.

Row 1 - 1 s.c. in each of 2 sts., (be sure to pull up each loop from 1 1/4 to 1 1/2 ins. high). 2 s.c. in 3rd st. Working on other side of chain, 1 s.c. in each of 2 sts., 2 s.c. in last st. (8 s.c. on row)

Row 2 - Work 1 s.c. in each of 8 sts. picking up back half of st. only. Repeat row 2 until all material is used.

Finishing - Put a bow in center of hat.

Okay, so the hat’s a bit silly looking, but on the plus side, the pattern is short. And, other than the fact that you’ll be wrestling with the super-bulky squirminess of chenille, it’s fairly easy too.

But once you’ve made this hat, what will you do with it? No one attending Ladies’ Day at Ascot is going to be impressed. And it’s not going to keep your ears warm either.

Hmm... perhaps I’d better look for patterns that will keep me warm. After all, it’s really important in Canada to be prepared for winter...

 

Click here for the printable pattern.

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DIY - Spyder vs. Spyder

For the rest of my tale of Halloween horror and mayhem:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Phil the Phentex Spider is constructed of Phentex, Styrofoam, three pipe cleaners (AKA “chenille sticks”) and two googly eyes, using this highly unhelpful pattern. Note – that’s three pipe cleaners, not the two the materials list called for. Of course, I’m going to charitably assume that the “two” was a typo, not a malicious lie, since even the spider in the picture had six legs.

Blackie, on the other hand, is crocheted out of Red Heart Supersaver yarn using this rather more complete pattern. The fangs are plastic stick pins, and the legs were supposed to be pipe cleaners but at the time of his construction there were no pipe cleaners to be had. So instead his legs are made of twist ties, with crocheted leg warmers to conceal the fact that they should be holding my garbage bags together, not carrying him around.

 

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