Tabards were originally cloths worn by medieval knights over their armour, in a desperate attempt to differentiate one chainmail-encased man from another.
This knight’s tabard is giving him the bravery to fight on despite being cut off at the knees. Methinks he’s a relative of the Black Knight.
In any case, modern tabards are almost exclusively worn by professional cleaning staff.
Don’t be deceived by her mild mannered appearance. She could easily take out that stubby-legged knight. Just look at her smile. She’ll mop the floor with him!
However, between our distant, somewhat height-challenged past, and our terrifyingly clean dystopian present, there were the Sixties and Seventies. When, for one brief moment, we dared dream of a bright, shining future when absolutely everyone would wear tabards.
Even for the manliest of villains, tabards are the perfect sparkly accessory for the annual tribble hunt!
To make your own sexy, warrior tabard:
This woman and child are either space colonists or members of an oppressive cult. Or both!TABBY
Size: See General Instructions
Note that this particular space cult allowed its members to use “personal preference” in placement of the ties. That’s why it didn’t survive past the Seventies. Allow cultists to make any decisions for themselves, and it’s only a matter of time before they decide to place the ties around the Supreme Alien Leader’s neck.Materials: Worsted wt yarn, (6-8-10) [14-16-18] oz gold, (1-1-1) [2-2-2] oz each copper, dk brown and med brown heather; aluminum crochet hook sizes E and J (Canadian sizes 9 and 3) or sizes needed for gauge.
Gauge: With larger hook, in patt, 10 sts = 3’’; 7 rows = 2’’
Row 1: Sc in first sc, * ch 1, sk next st, sc in next st; rep from * across; ch 1, turn. Row 2: Sc in first sc, * dc in skipped st 2 rows below, sc in next st; rep from * across; ch 1, turn. Rep Rows 1 and 2 for patt.
Back : With larger hook and gold, ch (30-38-42) [48-54-62].
Foundation Row: Sc in 2nd ch from hook, * ch 1, sk next ch, sc in next ch; rep from * across; ch 1, turn. Next Row: (Mark this side as right side of work.) Sc in first sc, * dc in skipped ch of foundation ch, sc in next sc; rep from * across; ch 1, turn. Now work Patt Rows 1 and 2 until you have completed (3-5-5) [9-9-9] rows in gold, ending by working Row 1. Now work established patt in the following color sequence:
However, if you’re fortunate enough to escape the clutch of space cults obsessed with earth tones, this tabard will still be useful if you accidentally become Lost in Space.
Sure, you’ll have to put up with your annoyingly nice parents, your obnoxious siblings, an anxiety-ridden robot and a drippy old dude trying to take over the world. But at least you’ll be able to moon over the handsome Space Corps Major while rocking your groovy geometric tabard!
And let’s face facts, when it comes to the future, there’s a lot worse things that can happen to you than having to wear a tabard.
You have worked a total of (36-48-62) [86-90-100] rows. Neck and Shoulder Shaping: Continuing in patt with gold, work across (3-5-5-) [7-9-11] sts for 2 more rows; finish off. Skip center (23-27-31) [33-35-39] sts for neck opening. Join gold with a sl st in next st; beg in same st as joining and work in patt across rem sts for 2 rows; finish off. Front: Work same as back until you have completed a total of (34-44-58) [80-84-94] rows. Neck and Shoulder Shaping: Continuing in patt with gold, work across (3-5-5) [7-9-11] sts for (4-6-6) [8-8-8] rows; finish off. Skip center (23-27-31) [33-35-39] sts for neck opening. Join gold with a sl st in next st; beg in same st as joining and work in patt across rem sts for (4-6-6) [8-8-8] rows; finish off.
Finishing: Sew shoulder seams. Edging: With right side facing and smaller hook, join gold with a sl st in any st at outside edge of tabard, ch 1, work 1 rnd in sc around entire edge, working 3 sc in each of 4 corners, join with a sl st in beg ch-1; finish off. With right side facing and larger hook, join gold with a sl st in any st at neck edge, ch 1, work 1 rnd of sc loosely around neck edge, join with a sl st in beg ch-1; finish off.
Worse things like having your home planets destroyed by terrifying automatons, then being forced to join a rag-tag fleet, fleeing oppression and poor ratings across the stars. But you can happily survive it all so long as you’re wearing a stylish tabard.
Ties: With smaller hook, make 2 ties with copper and 2 ties with med brown heather; see General Instructions.
So crochet yourself a Tabby Tabard, and this simple medieval garb will ensure you’ll be gleefully fashionable wherever or whenever you travel in space and time.
Except the Eighties…
Click here for the printable pattern.