He sees you when you're sleeping!

Santa Door Knob cover from “Gift Items”, c. 1955

That tall, pointy cap, those blank, staring eyes, the inscrutable smile... where have I seen this Santa before? He looks wired enough to be a Maxwell House Santa, and unhealthy enough to be the Chesterfield Cigarettes Santa, but I don’t think I saw him in an ad.

Oh, now I remember! He’s the Santa from the 1908 comic strip, “Little Nemo in Slumberland” by Winsor McCay. See? Gravity-defying hat, miniature pompom, yep, it’s definitely him. Don’t let the brown fur on his hat fool you, that’s just because acid-free paper hadn’t been invented yet.

Wait a minute, is Santa kidnapping Nemo?

For the rest of this terrifying tale (and the complete pattern!):

Hey, Santa IS kidnapping Nemo! Presumably, the order to not make a sound (or even breathe!) is so little Nemo won’t alert his parents. Doubtless, Santa has encountered Moms and Dads in the past who objected to their offspring being absconded with by a merry home invader.

Well, that’s one way to keep the kids in line. “Never mind no presents! If you aren’t good, Santa’s going to steal you away to the North Pole where you will be forced to work twenty hour days on the toy assembly line. In shackles!"

Santa Door Knob

Materials Required: AMERICAN THREAD COMPANY “DAWN” KNITTING WORSTED
1 ounce each Scarlet and White and “STAR RAYON”, Article 300.
1 skein Marine Blue
2 small round bells
2 bells about 1 inch in length
1 small Christmas ornament
1 snap fastener
Plastic crochet hook size F

Silly Nemo! Everyone knows Santa sold all the reindeer to the glue factory decades ago. Airships are cheaper, faster and they don’t poop on your rooftop.

Face: With White chain (ch) 2, 8 single crochet (sc) in 2nd stitch (st) from hook, do not join this or following rows. Place a marker at the beginning of each row.

2nd Row. 2 sc in each sc.

3rd Row. * Sc in next sc, 2 sc in next sc, repeat from * all around.

4th Row. * Sc in next sc, 2 sc in next sc, repeat from * all around.

Having lured him onto his airship, the large bearded man is now asking Nemo to take his clothes off so he can “fix him up pretty”. Yes, Nemo, you should have told your Mama and Papa. Unfortunately it’s far too late now.

Boys and Girls, let this be a lesson to you. When Santa drags you out of bed in the middle of the night, don’t forget to scream!

5th Row. Working in sc increase in every 4th sc.

6th Row. Increase in every 5th sc.

7th Row. Decrease 8 sts evenly spaced (to decrease: * insert hook in next st, pull loop through, repeat from * once, yarn over and work off all loops at one time).

8th Row. Decrease 8 sts evenly spaced, ch 1, turn.

Repeat last row until 24 sts remain. Work 1 row even, cut yarn.

Evidently, Nemo was worried that he’d been kidnapped and undressed by a Santa imposter. What a relief to find out that this Santa’s the Real Deal!

Remember kids, it’s not a crime if Santa’s doing it to you.

Hat: With Scarlet ch 12, sc in 2nd st from hook, 1 sc in each remaining st of ch, ch 1 to turn all rows.

2nd, 3rd and 4th Rows. 1 sc in each sc.

5th Row. Working in sc, decrease 1 sc at beginning and end of row. Work 4 rows even. Repeat last 5 rows 3 times, cut yarn.

How is Nemo supposed to “be careful” when he’s stuffed inside Santa’s sack? Perhaps Santa is laying the grounds for his defense in case he accidentally drops Nemo off the roof and kills him.

“I told him to ho-ho-hold on! That naughty boy didn’t listen!”

Work another section in same manner. With Scarlet crochet the 2 sections together leaving starting chains free. With wrong side of hat toward you leaving front edge free attach White at right hand corner and work 13 double loop sts across back edge only to opposite corner (double loop st: yarn over index finger twice, insert hook in st, draw yarn through, pulling yarn from under finger, drop loops from finger letting loops fall to right side of work and complete sc), cut yarn.

We interrupt your program for this important public service announcement. If you can’t make head or tails of the “double loop st” you may wish to visit this site for a handy-dandy tutorial. It even has pictures!

We will now return you to your episode of CSI: North Pole, already in progress.

With opening of face at lower end and right side of face and hat toward you, place hat on face leaving 5 rows from center of face free. With White sew in position along lower part of 6th row of face. Fill hat slightly with cotton. With Scarlet sew back of hat to back of face.

That’s right, Nemo! You just keep telling yourself you’re not scared as you’re dragged down into the sooty darkness, your cheeks scraped raw on the cold bricks, Santa’s heavy breathing the only sound you hear as his cruel fingers clutch at you...

After all, Santa knows his business!

Whiskers: With right side of face toward you attach White in same st where end of hat is attached at left hand side, work a row of slip stitches (sl sts) around lower edge of face working over 6th row of face to opposite side of cap, ch 1, turn.

Next Row. Working in back loop of sts, work 1 double loop st in each st pulling up each loop about 1 1/2 inches, cut yarn.

Against all odds, Nemo emerges from the chimney alive.

Next Row. With wrong side of work toward you, attach White in 5th double loop st, double loop st in same space pulling up loop about 1 1/2 inches, 1 double loop st in each st to within last 4 sts, cut yarn.

Next Row. Work in same manner as last row but start in 7th double loop st and finish in 6th double loop st from end, cut yarn.

Next Row.Working in same manner start in the 3rd double loop st and finish in 3rd double loop st from end.

Only to be hung up on a gigantic tree.

Maybe this is the REAL fate Santa has in store for Naughty Children! When all the toys have been delivered to Nice Children, Santa lights his tree, puts his feet up and relaxes to the soothing sounds of screaming child ornaments.

Pompon: Wind White over a 3/4 inch cardboard 30 times, tie one end, cut other end. Trim into shape and sew to top of hat. Sew 2 small bells below pompon.

With Scarlet embroider nose with a French knot and mouth with back sts. Embroider eye with “STAR” RAYON in satin st.

Or he could just be selling Nemo into slavery. Which would explain how Santa can afford to deliver free presents to the Good Children.

Bell Chain: With Scarlet ch 14, join to center of last row of double loop sts of whiskers, ch 9, attach one bell, ch 9, sl st in sl st, ch 14, attach other bell, join to 1st st of ch, cut yarn. Sew ornament to lower part of hat as illustrated. Sew snap fastener at back opening.

I wonder if Santa only gives “playmates” to princesses, or if he’s an equal opportunity kidnapper. Will Nemo find a little girl stuffed in his Christmas tree?

It seems only fair, considering the terror Santa put poor Nemo (and us!) through. So, don’t forget to put your Santa Door Knob Cozy out early. It’s guaranteed to keep Scary Santas at bay or your money back!

Click here for the printable pattern.