Tuesday, December 15, 2009

DIY – Not the Must Have Toy of Christmas 2009

Yes, I made the Caroler Tissue Cover, and yes, she looks absolutely nothing like the original.

And yes, that IS a giant blue humpbacked anglerfish beside her. But I can assure you Mr. Fishy Fangs is not trying to eat her. He just wants to give her a kiss under his spiky blue mistletoe.

Because even fishies can get into the Christmas spirit!

For the rest of my explanation (and assorted excuses):

The first challenge of this pattern was the complete absence of reasonably priced 8’’ dolls. Eight inches may have been the standard back in 1980, but these days, bigger is better and 11 1/2 inches is the norm. Or so my husband assures me.

All I could find were ridiculously expensive Madame Alexander Dolls...

...and the somewhat more reasonably priced Disney Fairies.

However, Silvermist’s wings would get in the way of donning her gay apparel, so I opted for what was behind door number three – one of my daughter’s old Barbies.

After all, what’s a mere three and a half inches difference in height? All I had to do was increase the length and width of her bodice to accommodate her larger... erm, Christmas ornaments.

On the plus side, Barbie’s legs are so long she can hide TWO extra-large rolls of toilet paper under her dress!

Speaking of Barbie’s dress, I completely misread the Crochet World’s instructions. Instead of doing 4 dc, ch 2, 4 dc, for a total of 8 dc in each ch 5 space, I only crocheted four dcs in each space. But, I think the lacy look is quite attractive!

Besides, she does have her crocheted panties to preserve her modesty.

Insofar as a combination granny-panty and thong can preserve anyone’s modesty.

That’s Mr. Fishy Fangs in the background shrieking, “For the love of Neptune, pull down your dress!” He’s seriously reconsidering kissing her, now that she’s flashed her naughty red undies at everyone. Which, by the way are made of Red Heart Supersaver, guaranteeing fashion and comfort. Not.

Barbie’s dress is made of Bernat’s Happy Holidays Green Sparkle (yes, the same stuff I used to make my Not-Christmas Afghan. Not only is the trim not mohair, it’s about the furthest thing from mohair you could possibly imagine. It’s a ball of mystery fiber made in China called “Fancy Knitting Yarn” which I found in a discount store for a dollar.

A scrap of red ribbon, some plastic berries and part of a French Christmas card provided the finishing touches. Mais oui, this Barbie is bilingual. I used a bit of elastic to attach the card to her hands, which will hopefully discourage any more spontaneous Can-Can performances.

Barbie’s hat is not pulled down over her face because she’s ashamed of her underwear flashing antics. No, my son yanked it down because he didn’t like the way that brazen hussy stared at him when he tried to use the bathroom.

After mocking my son (gently, of course), I fixed her hat. But the next time I walked into the bathroom, I found her posed like this:

I decided to leave her that way. Clearly, twelve year old boys need to have their modesty respected.

Besides, I wouldn’t want him to resort to extreme measures to regain privacy in the privy.


  1. Funny, Funny, Funny! Now I think she needs a little sister LOL ummm..maybe in reds with green undies..Hey did you make her something to hold the ornaments up?? This is great I love it <3

  2. Barbie's ornaments hold themselves up. That's one of the advantages of being entirely made of plastic - no need for support! ;-)