Friday, December 11, 2009
“Sweetheart,” said Grandma, “aren’t there any other hobbies you might enjoy?”
“Mommy, please stop knitting,” pleaded the children.
“Put the yarn down right now, or I’ll divorce you!” her husband bellowed.
But Bonnie was firmly in the grip of her Acrilan Addiction and was unstoppable.
And so it came to pass that their 1976 Family Christmas Card featured a photo of everyone wearing their new Acrilan shrink resistant toques and moth proof mufflers, desperate, colorfast smiles pasted on their faces.
For more Seasonal Snark:
“Let’s all try to smile for the pictures,” said Grandma, a life long Kenny Rogers fan.
“And we’ll hold it as long as we can,” added Grandpa, grimly.
“Big boys don’t cry.”
“Bitsy’s lucky,” said Big Sister. “She’s too little to remember when we had a real mommy.”
“Soon as I learn to walk,” Bitsy thought, “I’m outta here!”
“Goddammit, I don’t care if all we’ve got left in the house is some peppermint schnapps and Vicks Formula 44 cough syrup, I’m getting drunk tonight!”
“Tonight, they die. All of them.”