Your Doorknobs are Naked!

Jack-o-Lantern Doorknob Cover from Crochet World, October 1979

In keeping with the axiom that everything in your home that can be covered must be covered, I present to you a seasonally appropriate doorknob cover.

No longer will your guests encounter the shocking sight of naked doorknobs. Instead they will be greeted with the friendly smile of Stingy Jack, who’s soul is cursed by God and the Devil alike to wander the land by turnip light. Oh, and the welcoming jingle of tiny bells too!

This Jack-o-Lantern doorknob cover serves another important purpose, too. It will ensure that no one will be able to enter your home unannounced. In fact, it’ll keep anyone from entering your house at all, as they’ll be stuck outside, trying helplessly to turn the knob now swathed in yarn.

Yes, modesty and security. What more could you possibly desire?

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

JACK-O-LANTERN DOORKNOB COVER

By Donna Riggins

MATERIALS: Size F crochet hook, small amounts of orange and black 4-ply yarn, 2 small bells, black felt and a strong rubber band, approximately 1 1/2’’, or one doubled to make this size.

Hurray for Red Heart Supersaver!

FACE: Using the orange yarn, chain 4 and join with a sl st.

After all, it’s not like you’d actually want to spend money on a luxury yarn for this project.

ROW 1: Dc 12 times in circle. Join with a sl st and ch 2 (12 dc).

ROW 2: Dc in same space, 2 dc in each dc of last row, join and ch 2 (24 dc).

ROW 3: 1 dc, 2 dc (36 dc).

Row 3 is what inspired Dr. Seuss’ crochet classic: One dc, Two dc, Red dc, Blue dc. Also, I’m assuming there’s a “rep around” missing.

But don’t let that pesky omission distract you from the other great benefit of using Red Heart Supersaver. The rough and ready texture of this acrylic yarn will discourage your relatives from trying to remove the pumpkin doorknob cozy while they’re stranded on your porch.

ROW 4: 1 dc in each dc of last row (36 dc).

ROW 5: Repeat row 4 (36 dc).

ROW 6: Single crochet over rubber band in each dc of last row (36 sc).

In fact, you can stand on the other side of the door and laugh at your relatives as they draw straws to see who’s going to have to touch this coarse and ever so déclassé yarn.

HAT

Using black yarn, chain 10.

ROW 1: Dc in 3rd ch from hook and dc in each ch to end.

ROWS 2 – 6: Ch 2 and dc in each dc of last row. Fold in half and sew sides together.

ROW 7: Join in dc next to seam. 2 dc in first dc, dc in next 3 dc, 2 dc, dc, dc, dc, 2 dc, dc, dc, dc, 2 dc, 2 dc, dc, dc, dc, 2 dc, dc, dc, dc, 2 dc (24 dc).

Wait one darn minute. Row 7 doesn’t make any sense. At most you’ve got 18 dc to work in as you’re going around the bottom of the hat. But Row 7 assumes you’ve got 22. And you’ll end up with 29, not 24 dc.

My advice? Just increase evenly around until you get to 24. And sue Donna Riggens for emotional distress. Hey, the money for your Red Heart Supersaver has to come from somewhere.

Sew hat to head or face.

Sew the hat to his head if you're proud of the way your work turned out. Sew it to his face if you’ve brought shame on your family and you need to hide the evidence.

Oh, and speaking of your extended family who’re still standing on your porch – it’s time to decide whether you’re going to let them in or not.

Using black yarn and leaving 2 – 3 inches of yarn on both ends, chain 60 and end off. Work in the chain in the last dc row of face. Attach a bell to each end and trim the extra yarn off.

I say it all depends on whether your sister agrees to make the Christmas Turkey this year.

Using black felt, cut pieces for a jack-o’-lantern face and glue in place. Allow to dry several hours before hanging on the doorknob.

That’s right, a Jack-o-Lantern doorknob cover equals POWER in the family! Bwahahaha!

Ahem.

You know what? I think I’ll go make one right now.

Click here for the printable pattern.