Happy Thanksgiving!

Patchwork Cloth Pattern from Woman’s Day Granny Squares, No. 4, 1976

That’s right, not “Happy Canadian Thanksgiving” or “Happy Yes-We-Celebrate-It-on-a-Different-Day”, just HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

After all, it’s not like the Americans own the holiday. Right?

Okay, our Thanksgiving doesn’t have the cool Pilgrims and Indians story. In fact, our Thanksgiving origin story pretty much consists of an Act of Parliament in 1957. But I’m sure it was a nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat legislative session!

Besides, what’s not to love about a day set aside for dressing up our tables, inviting over friends and family, and stuffing ourselves silly on turkey? Or if you’re vegetarian, stuffing yourself on Tofurky!

Er, yum?

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

PATCHWORK CLOTH

SIZE: About 72’’ in diameter.

MATERIALS: J & P Coats “Knit-Cro-Sheen,” about 18 oz in all, yellow, orange, bronze green, herb green, turquoise, navy, light and dark pinks. Steel crochet hook size 3. Gingham or similar washable fabric, about 1 yd. of each of 6 colors; sewing thread.

Want to know a secret? I actually think this pattern is pretty. I do!

Why is this a secret? Because my son just leaned over my shoulder, looked at the picture and screamed, “My eyes! They’re bleeding!”

Bah. The child has no appreciation for whimsical seventies decor.

GAUGE: Center triangles = about 3 1/2’’ wide at base and 3 1/2’’ high; medium block = about 5’’ across the bottom and about 4 1/2’’ high at the center; large block = 6 3/4’’across the bottom and 5 3/4’’ high.

Normally I’d dismiss gauge requirements for a tablecloth. However, with all of the sewing and piecing together required by this pattern, I have a sneaking suspicion that gauge might be very important this time.

After all, you wouldn’t want your guests eating on a lumpy tablecloth. It’s bad enough your homemade gravy is lumpy.

Oh, and BTW, a can of Curry Gravy is NOT an adequate substitute for Turkey Gravy, even if it is 8pm on Thanksgiving Monday and every store in town is closed except for India Convenience. However, if you ever need to make a biological weapon in a hurry, I can heartily recommend adding Curry Gravy to Sage Stuffing.

NOTES: Since changes of dye lot will not be apparent, purchase crochet cotton as needed.

How far-sighted of the designer to anticipate today’s economic climate! Oh wait, this is from 1976? So, it’s not farsightedness, just same merde, different jour.

The cloth is composed of 3 alternating rings of crochet and fabric, plus a deep crocheted border. Each crocheted block is worked in 3 different colors which change every rnd; the order of the colors is maintained throughout each block; end off thread after each rnd.

CENTER TRIANGLES: Make 6. Ch 6, join with sl st to form a ring.

Rnd 1: Ch 3 (counts as first dc), in ring work 3 dc, ch 3, (4 dc, ch 3) twice; sl st in top of starting ch-3.

Rnd 2: In a ch-3 sp, (ch 3 for first dc, 3 dc, ch 3, 4 dc), * ch 1, (4 dc, ch 3, 4 dc) in next ch-3 sp, repeat from *, ch 1; sl st in top of starting ch-3.

Rnd 3: (Ch 3, 3 dc, ch 3, 4 dc) in a ch-3 sp, * ch 1, 4 dc in next ch-1 sp, ch 1, (4 dc, ch 3, 4 dc) in next ch-3 sp, repeat from *, ch 1; sl st in top of starting ch-3.

Rnd 4: In corner ch-3 sp work (ch 3, 3 dc, ch 3, 4 dc), * (ch 1, 4 dc in next ch-1 sp) twice, ch 1, (4 dc, ch 3, 4 dc) in next ch-3 sp, repeat from *, ch 1; sl st in top of ch-3.

Rnd 5: Work in the same manner as for Rnd 4.

I’m actually tempted to try this pattern. No, really! Which would be completely insane for several reasons, not least of which is that it requires huge amounts of crocheting using a tiny, tiny hook.

MEDIUM BLOCKS: Make 16. Ch 8, join with sl st to form a ring.

Rnd 1: Ch 3 (counts as dc), in ring work 3 dc, (ch 2, 4 dc) 4 times, ch 2; sl st in top of starting ch-3.

Rnd 2: In a ch-2 sp work (ch 3 for first dc, 3 dc, ch 2, 4 dc) for corner, (ch 1, 4 dc, ch 2, 4 dc) in each of next 3 ch-2 sps, ch 1, 4 dc in next sp, ch 1 (bottom of block); sl st in top of starting ch-3.

Rnd 3: In first corner ch-2 sp of Rnd 2 work (ch 3, 3 dc, ch 2, 4 dc). *ch 1, 4 dc in next ch-1 sp, (4 dc, ch 2, 4 dc) in next ch-2 sp, repeat from * twice more, (ch 1, 4 dc) in each of last 2 ch-1 sps, ch 1; sl st in top of starting ch-3.

Rnd 4 through 7: Continue in this manner working one more 4-dc group on each side of block; between corner groups there will be 5 groups on each of 3 sides and 6 groups across the bottom.
LARGE BLOCKS: Make 22. Work as for Medium Block working tr’s instead of dc, ch 4 for the first tr of each rnd; work the same number of groups across each side.

It’s all the pretty colors. They’re blinding me to the fact that I’d have to make a total of 44 motifs in cotton thread. And that I’d almost certainly lose interest and this would become just another sad, half-completed project languishing in my knitting basket. (Yeah, Lacy Pink Sock – I’m looking at you!)

FINISHING: Join triangles to form the center circle of the cloth: On wrong sides working through both thicknesses, sc in corner lps, * ch 4, sc in ch-1 sp between next groups of sts, repeat from * working last sc in next corner lps. In the same manner join medium blocks to form a ring, being sure to keep the wider side on the outer edge of the ring. Join the large blocks in the same way.

Plus, I don’t know the first thing about sewing. All I ever do is buttons and seams. My buttons do stay on, but my repaired seams inevitably look hunchbacked.

Trace separately each of the three actual-size half-patterns, then cut working patterns from paper.

“Actual size” will vary depending on your monitor size and resolution. Bwahahaha!

But because I’m a nice person, I’ll give you one hint – the largest pattern measures approx. 7 3/4’’ inches along the dotted line.

Good luck!

Fabric Patches: Use actual size half-patterns, adding 5/8’’’ on all outer edges for seams (do not add on fold line); cut smallest and largest patches with fold line on straight of goods, medium patches on the bias. Cut as follows: 22 large patches for the outer gingham ring – 3 of each of the 6 colors, and 4 more of your favorites; 12 medium patches – 2 of each color; 6 of the smallest patch – 1 of each color. Baste the patches to form rings; fit the rings to the crochet making adjustments if necessary so that the cloth will lie flat; seam the patches, then hem the crocheted rings to the fabric.

And the chief reason why I shouldn’t tackle this tablecloth – I don’t own a circular kitchen table. Even if I did, it wouldn’t be big enough to seat everyone in my family for dinner, much less Thanksgiving.

Border: Rnd 1: With yellow ch 6. Row 1: Work 4 tr in first ch; turn. Row 2: Ch 6 (counts as tr, ch 2), 4 tr in sp between tr-group and ch, ch 2, tr in same sp; turn. Row 3: Ch 6, 4 tr in ch-2 sp, ch 1, 4 tr in ch-sp at end of row; turn. Row 4: Ch 5, 4 tr in next ch-1 sp, ch 1, 4 tr in ch-sp at end of row, ch 2, tr in same sp; turn. Row 5: Ch 6, 4 tr in ch-2 sp; turn. Repeat rows 2 through 5 for the circumference of the cloth, ending with row 4; ch 4, sl st in first ch worked.

Rnd 2: Working along the pointed edge, join orange in ch-sp just above the first 4-tr group worked on last rnd, (Row 1) ch 4 (counts as tr), 3 tr in same sp, ch 1, (4 tr, ch 5, 4 tr) in next ch-5 sp, ch 1, 4 tr in ch-1 sp on other side of point, 4 tr in corresponding sp of next point; continue in this manner around the points; sl st in top of starting ch-4.

Rnd 3: Join bronze in first ch-1 sp of last rnd then work in the same manner as for last rnd.

Repeat Rnd 3 following the order of colors as listed at beg of instructions, for 8 rnds in all. Sew border around outer edge of cloth.

Of course, if I did purchase a small round table, I could always make the children sit there during Thanksgiving dinner.

Yeah... I like that idea. After all, my son is still eleven. He’s much too young to sit with the adults.

“Makes his eyes bleed”, indeed!

Click here for the printable pattern.