Witch!

Witch Doorknob Cover from Crochet World Omnibook, Fall 1980

I love Edith Gordon’s cheery conviction about her pattern.

“Children should love this Halloween doorknob cover.” Which means they probably won’t.

“A wicked witch that should bring smiles instead of tears.” In fact, this pattern’s been implicated in several cases of juvenile post-traumatic stress disorder.

“This witch should bring smiles, not fright.” Repeating a statement over and over again doesn’t make it true, you know.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

WITCH DOORKNOB COVER

By Edith Gordon

MATERIALS: Knitting worsted weight yarn 1oz. each of black and pale green and a few yards red and orange; polyester fiberfill for stuffing of hat, nose and chin; 2 moveable plastic eyes size 10mm; 2 small jingle bells or pompoms; crochet hooks sizes G and I.

Yes, moveable eyes. All the better to terrify you with, my dear.

HEAD: With I hook and pale green yarn ch 4, join with sl st in 4th ch from hook to form ring.

RND 1: Ch 3 (counts as first dc), work 13 dc in ring – 14 dc. Sl st in top of first ch 3. Do not turn.

RND 2: Ch 3, dc in same st as joining, 2 dc in next dc and in each dc around – 28 dc. Join with sl st as for rnd 1.

RND 3: Ch 3, work dc in each dc around – 28 dc. Join.

RND 4: Ch 3, sk next dc, * dc in next dc, sk next dc, repeat from * around ending sl st in top of first ch 3 – 14 dc.

RND 5: Ch 1, sc in each dc around – 14 sc. End off.

Actually, if Edith’s doorknob cover proves an effective child-repellant, you won’t have to deal with Trick-or-Treaters. You’ll get to keep all the candy for yourself!

Plus you won’t have to face horrifying sights like this:

HAT: With G hook and black yarn ch 3, join with sl st in 3rd ch from hook to form ring.

RND 1: Ch 3 (counts as first dc), 5 dc in ring – 6 dc. Sl st in top of first ch 3 to join.

RND 2: Ch 3, 2 dc in next dc, * dc in next dc, 2 dc in next dc, repeat from * around – 9 dc. Join as for rnd 1.

RND 3: Repeat rnd 2 – 13 dc. Join.

RND 4: ch 3, dc in next dc, 2 dc in next dc, * dc in each of next 2 dc, 2 dc in next dc, repeat from * around – 17 dc. Join.

RND 5: Ch 3, dc in each dc around – 17 dc. Join. Break off black. Attach orange.

RND 6: Repeat rnd 5 – 17 dc. Join. Break off orange. Attach black.

RND 7: Ch 1, * sc in next dc, 2 sc in next dc, repeat from * around – 24 sc.

RND 8: Ch 1, * 2 sc in next sc, sc in each of next 2 sc, repeat from * around – 32 sc. End off.

“But V.D.,” you protest, “that Panda’s just an illustration. No one would ever be heartless enough to inflict that costume on a child.”

Ha! Here’s proof that someone did, straight from McCall’s Needlework magazine, Fall-Winter issue, 1952-53, in their “Show us how you did it with snaps!” section.

 

By snaps they meant photos, although I’m sure there’s one or two painful clothing snaps on that costume. Maybe that’s why this little boy looks like he’s about to cry.

Or maybe he’s just spotted a witch doorknob cover!

NOSE: With G hook and pale green yarn, ch 3, sl st in 3rd ch from hook to join.

RND 1: Ch 3, 5 dc in ring – 6 dc. Join.

RNDS 2 & 3: Ch 3, dc in each dc around – 6 dc. Join. End off leaving about 6’’ length of yarn for sewing.

CHIN: With G hook and pale green yarn ch 12.

ROW 1: Dc in 3rd ch from hook and in next ch, tr in each of next 5 ch, dc in each of last 3 ch. End off leaving length of yarn for sewing.

Or maybe Panda Boy is on the verge of tears because his hands are sealed into the ends of his costume. He’s only just realized that the ice cream cone in the pattern’s illustration was a cruel lie.

Don’t feed the Panda!

FINISHING: Place 6 strands of black yarn each about 5’’ long on each side of hat for hair. Tack in place. Stuff hat and attach to top of head as shown. Stuff nose and sew to center of face. Gather bottom of chin and sew seam, stuff and sew in place. Sew on eyes. With red yarn, embroider mouth in straight stitches.

TIE: With G crochet hook and black yarn, ch 60. End off. Weave tie in and out of last dc rnd of head. Attach jingle bells of pompons to ends.

Still, Panda Boy should count himself lucky. His mother could have dressed him like this:

 

Aaaahhh! Don’t feed the Clown!

Click here for the printable pattern.