Friday, October 30, 2009

One of These Things...

Curtain pull pattern from Gay Gadgets, 1938

No, it’s not the corn. I bet you guessed corn thinking that it’s the only vegetable in the picture. But it was a trick, corn isn’t a vegetable, it’s a grain! Bwahahaha!

Ahem. Getting back on track, it’s not the bouquet of flowers either, even though it’s the only one crocheted into a ring. Nor is it the little basket of flowers, either. Boy, you suck at this game.

For goodness sake! It’s that hideous, horrifying creature suspended above them!

What do you mean, you just didn’t want to attract its attention?

Oh God, did it just look at me?

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):


Draw the shades of night gaily with these jolly little curtain pulls.
Who the heck designed this unnamed creature? Was it a Satanic housewife? She’d done up her entire home in brimstone and pitchforks, but then realized her window treatments lacked a certain demonic je ne sais quoi?
Materials: Clark’s O.N.T. or J. & P. Coats Pearl Cotton, size 5, 1 ball each of White and Black. Milward’s steel crochet hook No. 7.
This was the only one of the four curtain pulls that wasn’t named. Maybe it’s a Halloween riddle we’re supposed to solve.
Body. Starting at bottom, with White ch 2. 1st rnd: 7 sc in 2nd ch from hook. 2nd rnd: 2 sc in each sc around (14 sc). 3rd rnd: Sc in each sc around. 4th rnd: 2 sc in each sc around (28). 5th rnd: Sc in each sc around. 6th rnd: * Sc in next sc, 2 sc in next sc. Repeat from * around (42 sc). Hereafter make sc in each sc around until piece measures 1/2’’ deep. Next rnd: * Sc in next sc, skip 1 sc, sc in next sc (21 sc). Following rnd: Sc in each sc around. Mark vertical center line of piece, and make 2 seams, each 1/2 an inch away from center line at top, and tapering to meet center line at lower part. Stuff center opening firmly with cotton batting. Then, resuming work at top of body, sc in each sc around, skipping 4 sc at each side of body.
Let’s see, what’s black and white, has no legs and isn’t a newspaper, a legless zebra, or a zombie nun?
Head. Starting at top, with Black ch 2. 1st rnd: 5 sc in 2nd ch from hook. 2nd rnd: 2 sc in each sc around. 3rd rnd: Sc in each sc around. 4th rnd: * Sc in next sc, 2 sc in following sc. Repeat from * around (15 sc). 5th, 6th and 7th rnds: Sc in each sc around. Stuff head with cotton batting. 8th and 9th rnds: * Sc in next sc, skip next sc. Repeat from * around. Pull loop through and break off, leaving a 6-inch length of thread for sewing. With White, make 2 ch-10 loops, and sew one on each side of top of head (thus forming ears). Make running stitches for eyes and mouth, and a lazy daisy stitch for nose, as in illustration, on both sides of head.
Hey, National Geographic says that a paleontolgist recently discovered a toothy ancestor of the flying squirrel. Maybe that’s it!
Tail. With Black, ch 20, turn. 1st row: Sl st in each ch across. Break off. 2nd row: Attach White and sl st in each sl st across. Break off, leaving a 6-inch length of thread for sewing.

Sew tail to lower part of body, and head to upper part (see illustration).

Cord. With White, make a chain about 24 inches long. Double chain and knot at 6 places, as in illustration. Fasten cord to top of head, between ears.
Except Volaticotherium antiquus went extinct millions of years ago.

I guess there’s no way they could’ve evolved into tiny house-dwelling beasties who sleep all day, hanging from your curtain cords, only to wake at night and go hunting for tasty human toes.


Aaaah! It’s coming right at me!

Click here for the printable pattern.


  1. "Draw the shades of night gaily...."

    I'm not touching that thing.

  2. Is there anyway you could post the corn pattern? I know it's crazy, but that is PERFECT for a project of mine. I *NEED* it!!! ;]

    PS: This blog, funny stuff! I <3 snark.