Monday, November 9, 2009

Because even bank robbers have kids...

Fun Mask pattern from Lady Galt, by Newlands-Harding, Young Canada, vol. 18, c. 1965

Long time readers will remember the sad saga of Sno-Mask Man the first – and last – slalom bank robber. Despite the excitement of the ensuing police chase, ski-robbery was never destined to become an Olympic sport.

Still, just because Dad’s in the hoosegow, doesn’t mean Junior won’t want to grow up to be just like him.

His grandma’s even made a few modifications to the original design. She’s provided better nose coverage, even more psychotic eyes – although she may have been trying for Old Man Spectacles – and a reverse cleft chin that has a villainous Van Dyke vibe. She’s also eliminated the pompom, thus ensuring that this time the coppers won’t be able to nab her kinfolk by the decorative doodad.

Handmade by Mother is not legally responsible for any contribution to the delinquency of minors this mask pattern may cause. I mean, jeez, it’s not a pattern for an evil hoodie!

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

Fun Mask


That’s right, you can have illegal fun no matter how big your noggin!
MATERIAL: Newlands-Harding 4 ply *kroy Sock and Sweater Yarn (Group B)**
The ** leads to the bottom of the page, where there’s a note that says, “FOR OTHER YARNS IN THIS GROUP, SEE THE INTERCHANGEABLE YARN CHART ON PAGE 55.

“You can’t push me around, warden!”

Er, I mean, you’re just going to have to interchange at your own risk.
Main Color (MC) 2 1-oz balls

Contrast (CC) 1 1-oz ball
Bank robbers are all about personal freedom. Select whichever colours are closest to the exit of the store where you are shoplifting – I mean shopping!

6 1/2 sts = 1 inch
Bank robbers yell a lot. They also don’t believe in the repressive dictatorship of conventional punctuation. Plus, stopping to put a period at the end of your sentence might slow down your getaway.
Beginning at lower edge using MC cast on 112 sts. Work in rib of k 2, p 2 for 2 ins, decreasing 2 sts on last row. Then work in stockinette following Graph A for 11 rows.


Break off CC. With MC purl 1 row increasing 1 st at centre. Count sts and mark centre of row. Using MC continue in stockinette shaping chin as follows: Knit to within 1 st of marker, inc 2 sts in each of the next 2 sts (by knitting in the front, then back, then front again of same st), k 4, turn; sl 1, p 13, turn; sl 1, k to within 1 st of marker, inc 2 sts in each of the next 2 sts as before, k 10, turn; sl 1, p 25, turn; sl 1 k to within 1 st of marker, inc 2 sts in each of the next 2 sts, k 16, turn; sl 1, p 37, turn; sl 1, k to within 1 st of centre, inc 2 sts in each of next 2 sts, k 22, turn; sl 1, p 49.
Of course, you could save yourself a lot of trouble here and just buy a fake Van Dyke for your dear little villain-in-training.
Now discontinue increases, but continue to work short rows as established (working 4 sts more each row) until there are 74 sts between turns. Then continue short rows, decreasing 2 sts at centre (by knitting 2 tog twice) every row 3 times. Then continue working 4 more sts each row until all sts are worked and at the same time make mouth as follows:
This, by the way, was a test to see if you are the kind of knitter who reads ahead in the pattern. If you’ve already worked all the sts and there’s no mouth – you failed.

On the other hand, if your grandchild’s teeth are like Steve Buscemi’s, this may be a good thing.
Knit to within 6 sts of centre, cast off next 12 sts fro mouth, work to end. On next row cast on 11 sts over the 12 cast off on previous row. When all sts have been worked make nose as follows: Row 1: (right side) Still using MC knit to centre, cast on 14 sts for nose (and place a marker at centre of these 14 sts) knit to end. Purl 1 row. With CC work 2 rows. Next Row: Follow Graph B over the first 60 sts, with MC k 5, k 2 tog twice, k 5, follow Graph B over the remaining 60 sts.


Now continue to follow Graph B on the 60 sts at each side, keeping the extra nose sts in MC and decreasing 1 st each side of marker every row until all nose sts have been decreased. There are 105 sts left.
However, you definitely want to ensure that you include a nose opening. However unattractive your grandchild’s nose might be, he still needs to breathe!
Now continue to follow Graph B casting off for eyes on 9th row as follows: Work 47 sts, cast off next 11 sts for eye, work 4, cast off next 11 sts for other eye, work to end. On next row cast on 11sts over each 11 cast off on previous row.
Or, you could cast off for only one eye to add a piratical flair. Although do keep in mind that robbing banks is an occupation that may require depth perception.
Complete Graph B. Break off CC. Then work even with MC for 10 rows. Now follow Graph C for 8 rows.


Break off CC. With MC shape top as follows: Row 1: * K 10, k 2 tog; repeat from * to end. Row 2: Purl. Row 3: * K 9, k 2 tog; repeat from * to end. Row 4: Purl. Continue in this manner decreasing 10 sts every knit row (having 1 sts less between decreases) until 10 sts remain. Break yarn, leaving an end 24 ins long. Draw through the 10 sts and fasten securely. Sew seam. With crochet hook work around mouth and eyes with CC if desired.
If desired? Who wouldn’t leap at the opportunity to give their grandchild lips like Angelina Jolie and the eyes of Ted Bundy?

Ahem. Well. Maybe I'll block, and maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll just dampen it and make the kid wear it until it’s dry. That way it’ll be guaranteed to fit perfectly.

Click here for the printable pattern.

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