Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Because even bank robbers have mothers...

Sno-Mask Pattern from "Gifts and Novelties by Mary Maxim" Vol. 1, c. 1960.

The woman who designed this monstrosity apparently believed this was the cutting edge in Alpine fashion. Sadly, instead of competing in the Olympics, her son became the first slalom bank robber.

Here he is, making his getaway...

Tragically, his mother's efforts to protect his nose were in vain. The last thing he was heard to cry as he was hauled off in the paddy wagon was, "By node is code!" Frostbit, actually. Complete with humiliating snot-sicles.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):


A special gift for your budding bank robber, who loves Switzerland for more than the untraceable bank accounts. Or perhaps he's an aspiring serial killer, eager to cut a swathe through the snow bunnies. This is a pattern with legs.
Materials: Of Mary Maxim Knitting Worsted/Double Knitting Sayelle* Nantuk allow for Main Color 4 ozs.; Contrast Color A 2 ozs.; Contrast Color B 35 yds.
So, is it Worsted, or DK? Or something in between? Presumably it’s whatever works for you and your homicidal offspring.
Tension: 6 stitches and 8 rows to one inch measured over stocking stitch on No.9 needles, or any size needle which will give the correct stitch tension.

Measurements: To fit average head size.
As opposed to your pinheaded perp.
Abbreviations: See page 23.
You’re on your own, Jelly Bean.
To Make:

Using set of No. 9 needles and Main Color wool...
If your bank robber son is the kind of masochist who enjoys real wool, consider knitting him a matching hair shirt.
Cast on 128 sts. Arrange these sts. On three needles (44-44-40) and with the fourth needle work in rounds of k. 1, p. 1 ribbing for 3 ins. Join on Contrast A and beg. to shape chin by working back and forth in rows.

1st row: K. 44, turn; p. 38.
2nd row: K 32, turn; p. 30.
3rd row: K. 28, turn; p. 26.
4th row: K. 24, turn; p. 22.
5th row: K. 20, turn; p. 18.
6th row: K. 16, turn; p. 14.
7th row: K. 12, turn; p. to end of needle
8th row: K. to end of needle. (44 sts)
9th row: P.
10th row: K. 1, inc. one st. in next st., k. to last 2 sts., inc. one st. in next st., k. 1.
11th row: P.
12th row: K.
At which point the author suddenly decided they couldn't be bothered to type the letter P. “I know, I’ll write a whole damn sentence! That’ll be such a lovely time saver!”
13th row: Same as the 11th row.
14th row: K. 12, cast off 22sts. (mouth), k. to end.
15th row: P. 12, cast on 22sts., p. to end.
16th row: Same as the 10th row.
17th row: P.
18th row: K. 16, cast off 16 sts. (nose), k. to end.
19th row: P. 16, cast on 32 sts., p. to end. (64 sts.)
It’s important to leave lots of room for your son’s giant honker.
20th row: K.
21st, 23rd, 25th, 27th, and 29th rows: P.
22nd row: K. 1, inc. one st., k. 28, k. 2 tog., sl. 1, k. 1, p.s.s.o., k. 28, inc. one st., k. 1. (64 sts.)
24th row: K. 30, k. 2 tog., sl. 1, k. 1, p.s.s.o., k. 30. (62 sts.)
26th row: K. 29, k. 2 tog., sl. 1, k. 1, p.s.s.o., k. 29. (60 sts.)
28th row: K. 1. inc. one st., k. 26, k. 2 tog., sl. 1, k. 1, p.s.s.o., k. 26, inc. one st., k.1. (60 sts.)
30th row: K. 5, cast off 22 sts. (eye), k. 1, k. 2 tog., sl. 1, k. 1, p.s.s.o., k. 1, cast off 22 sts. (eye), k. to end. (58 sts.)
31st row: P. cast on 22 sts over those cast off on previous row. (58 sts.)
32nd row: K. 27, k. 2 tog., sl. 1, k. 1, p.s.s.o., , k. 27. (56 sts.)
33rd, 35th, 37th, 39th, 41st, 43rd and 45th rows: P.
34th row: K. 1, inc. one st., k. 24, k. 2 tog., sl. 1, k. 1, p.s.s.o., k. 24, inc. one st., k.1.
36th row: K. 26, k. 2 tog., sl. 1, k. 1, p.s.s.o., k. to end. (54 sts.)
38th row: K. 25, k. 2 tog. sl. 1, k. 1, p.s.s.o., k. to end. (52 sts.)
40th row: K. 1, inc. one st., k. 48., inc. one st., k. 1. (54 sts.)
42nd and 44th rows: K.

Leave this work for the present,...
And go do something fun. Like this!
...return to Main Color wool, and work back and forth in rib on 84 sts. for 4 rows.

Keep continuity of rib, dec. one st. at each end of the needle on the next row, and every 6th row following, until there are 72 sts. on the needle. Then continue without further shaping until ribbing measures same as face. Now beg. working in rounds again on these 126 sts.

K. 5 rounds with contrast A. With Main Color only, k. one round, p. 2 rounds.

Next round: * W.r.n. (wool round needle) p. 2 tog.; rep. from * to end. (120 sts.)
P. 2 rounds.

To shape top:

Next dec. round: * K. 19, k. 2 tog.; rep. from * to end. (120 sts.)
Next and every alternate rounds: K.
Next dec. round: * K. 18, k. 2 tog.; rep from * to end. (114 sts.)
Next dec. round: * K. 17, k. 2 tog.; rep from * to end. (108 sts.)
Continue in this manner, dec. 6 sts. every alternate round, until there are 78 sts. on the needle. Now dec. in the same manner every round until 18 sts. rem.
Next round: K. 2 tog. across entire round. (9 sts.)
Break wool, thread through rem. sts. Fasten off securely.
Very securely. Because God knows we can’t have his mask unraveling at an inopportune moment.
To complete:

Sew side seams. With Contrast B work one row of s.c. (single crochet) around mouth, nose and eyes, working one s.c. into each cast-off and cast-on sts. With Main Color, make a chain about 20 inches long. Fasten off and sew around eye openings to simulate goggles.
Right. Goggles. Not the crazed eyes of a killer at all.
Make a small pompon with Contrast B and attach to top.
The “pompon” says he’s still your adorable little scamp, even when he’s serving 20 to life.

Click here for the printable pattern.


  1. David Soul IS The Covered Man...

  2. Note that Mommy was so busy making this, she couldn't fix the hole in the right shoulder of his sweater.

  3. Hey, that wasn't Mommy's fault! In Bay City they don't make you take off your mask for the mug shot. That rip was obtained during the whole "another day another dead cop" debacle.

    (Movie-verse Hutch was undercover - or least that's what he claims.)

  4. Oh crap there should be a warning not to read your blogs while drinking. I'm pretty sure my Grandfather had one of those, which would explain the family split were we didn't see him for 5 years......

  5. Glad to know I'm exposing the family skeletons! Stay tuned, because come fall I'll be revealing what Grandpa was up to during his misspent youth. ;-) (More masks!)

  6. Jeezus Jones... did they do minstrel shows in prison in 1960 or something?