Friday, May 29, 2009

How to Marry a Forest Ranger

Ad for Monsanto from McCall''s Needlework & Crafts, Spring-Summer 1972.

Last fall, she saw How to Marry a Millionaire on TV, and she’s worked hard all winter creating her very own Forest Ranger Seduction Kit. Because if a Forest Ranger was good enough for Betty Grable, he’s good enough for her. Especially if they all look like Rory Calhoun.

From her saucy hand knit skort (with built-in diaper in case there’s no indoor plumbing) to her matching scarf (long enough to hog tie her man), Donna is a fashion Wow!

For even more snark:

To brightly feather her Wilderness Love Nest, Donna also used Monsanto’s indestructible Polyester yarn with “Wear-Dated” guarantee to make a shawl (yes, that’s a shawl, not a huge, honking blanket) and two pillows. They’re washable, durable, waterproof, and fire resistant (especially important in our flammable National Parks).

The pillows will also be useful as a visual cue during love-making. Let’s hope Rory the Forest Ranger can find Donna's “Happy Face” spot! He may need to bring his compass.

Woolco. For all your Seduction needs.


  1. love the monsanto yarn slogan: "you get what you pay for or we pay for it" -- wasnt that printed on the agent orange cans too??

  2. Lol! I love Monsanto's return policy - within less than a year and you must have both the label *and* the sales slip. I'm guessing they didn't lose much money in refunds. (Although I adore the idea of someone returning empty cans of Agent Orange with label and sales slip...)