“I know it’s really none of my business,” began Edith.
Martha cringed. What was it this time? Had Melvin mowed the lawn diagonally instead of horizontally? Or... oh horrors! Had she somehow missed a church bazaar?
“Teenagers are so hard to control these days,” said Edith. “Those girls have all gone boy crazy.”
Martha was puzzled. Edith couldn’t possibly be talking about her daughter, Clara. She was a good girl – a straight A student and a cheerleader.
“But we must discourage their rampant immorality,” said Edith, wringing her hands together. “And to think you allow Clara to wear that hat!”
“What’s wrong with her hat?” asked Martha. “It’s just a stocking cap Clara crocheted for herself.” Sure, it didn’t look terribly warm, but it was quite fetching the way Clara always wore it, wrapped attractively around her throat.
Edith’s face turned several shades of mauve and chartreuse as her mouth opened and closed without a sound coming out. Finally, in a choked voice, she managed to whisper, “For God’s sake, Martha. It has a reservoir tip!”
For the complete pattern (and more snark!):
This Crocheted Stocking Cap with Beads can be made with:
“DAWN” NYLON of KNITTING WORSTED SIZE
“DAWN” KNITTING WORSTED.
3 ozs. Flame or color desired.
Clara went for Flame, figuring the colour would help stir up flames of passion in the boys at school.Plastic crochet hook, size J same as size 9.
125 medium sized pearl beads.
GAUGE: 2 rows = 1 inch.
Cap is worked rather loosely throughout.
That’s right. Despite what her mother Martha fondly believes, Clara isn’t a “good girl”.Ch 4, join to form a ring, ch 1 and work 8 s c in ring, join.
2nd Round: * Insert hook in next s c, pull loop up 1/2 inch, yarn over and pull through both loops on hook, the stitch will now have a single thread at back of loop, insert hook under the single thread, yarn over and pull loop through (2 loops on hook), yarn over and pull through both loops at one time, repeat from * 7 times, do not join this or the following rounds. Place a marker at beginning of each round.
3rd Round: Draw up a 1/2 inch loop on hook, yarn over and pull through loop forming a ch, s c over single loop of st, s c in next s c (single knot st), repeat from * 7 times.
When her church organized a Rock-and-Roll record burning bonfire, Clara held a Rock Around the Clock dance in her parents’ basement.4th Round: * Work a single knot st, s c in next s c, repeat from * all round (8 single knot sts).
5th Round: * Work a single knot st, s c in next s c, work a single knot st, s c in next s c, work a single knot st, s c in same s c (an increase), repeat from * 3 times (12 single knot sts).
6th & 7th Rounds: Work even.
8th Round: Increase 1 single knot st after every 3rd single knot st (16 single knot sts). Work 7 sounds even.
Clara also attends wild beach parties every weekend.Next 25 Rounds: Work even, but draw up loops about 1 inch.
41st Round: Turn work to wrong side and * work 1 s c in long loop and 1 s c in s c of same knot st, 1 s c in next s c, repeat from * all around, join, turn.
42nd Round: 1 s c in each s c, join, turn.
43rd Round: 1 s c in each s c, join, cut yarn.
Rumour has it, Clara’s the kind of girl who parks in cars.FINISHING : Starting at top of cap, sew on 22 pearls close together forming a large marble size knot. Sew remainder of pearls over the 1st 12 rounds sewing over the s c of knot sts placing pearls about 1 inch apart.
Other jewelry, like sequins , rhinestones, or decorative buttons can be substituted for pearls.
Cap can be worn in different ways as follows: roll back to form a turban...
And then slowly and sensually unroll it as the date progresses. That’s what Clara does!...or for cold days wrap end around neck and fasten on opposite side.
And ta-dah! The hat’s once again demure enough for Mom and Dad.
Of course, the free and easy option is too risqué to discuss in mixed company. But Clara swears it drives all the boys wild. Well, that and high heels.
Having learned the truth, her mother Martha could only long for the good old days, when girls like Clara would have been married off before they turned sixteen.
Her friend Edith explained it was all the fault of those sex education films they showed at high schools. Imagine encouraging young girls to go out with a different boy every Friday night!
“Mark my words,” said Edith. “The 1950s will be remembered a decade of immorality and sinful hats!”
Click here for the printable pattern.