Pink Ladies on Parade

“Coke Jackets” pattern from Gay Teen Ideas, Book No. 213, 1944

Oh my, my! Where do I start? With the Gay Teen jokes? The Cocaine jokes? Or shall I speculate on what those tiny Satanic dancing glyphs are planning for those coked-up Gay Teens?

How about I let the pattern booklet speak for itself. Warning: Cool 1940s teen lingo dead ahead:

“Listen, something pretty pulsating is going on. The coke crowd’s going to town with its very own knitting and crocheting Teen Fashions smooth and super with plenty of paprika to make those beaux’ eyes blink. One swift look-see inside is enough to make any girl with an oz. of get-up-and-go in her veins take to her needles.”

Right, it’s definitely Coke jokes today. With a side of Heroin.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

When housewives in grass skirts and spaghetti piled on their heads begin playing the French horn in your ear, you’ve done too much coke.

COKE JACKETS

Materials: J. & P. COATS KNIT-CRO-SHEEN, 1 ball of Yellow

J. & P. COATS or CLARK’S O.N.T. PEARL COTTON, size 5, 1 ball of Spanish Red.

Steel Crochet Hook No. 3.

The above amount of material will make 2 bottle jackets.

One for you and your best friend. Apparently, your second best friend will have to fend for herself.

Divide thread into 2 equal parts and use double thread throughout.

Make sure you’ve got two actual threads, and aren’t just seeing double. While you’re at it, check whether you’re sharing your coke with two friends or just one.

BOTTOM . . . Work same as bottom of No. 2190 on page 31 until piece is same diameter as bottom of bottle.

You know, these instructions aren’t very long, and it wouldn’t have been difficult to include them here. Obviously, the editor doesn’t have an ounce of get-up-and-go in their veins.

Good thing for you, I’m pretty pulsating right now:

Starting at center of bottom, ch 2. 1st rnd: 7 sc in 2nd ch from hook. 2nd rnd: 2 sc in each sc around. 3rd rnd: * Sc in next sc, 2 sc in next sc (an inc). Repeat from * around. 4th rnd: Sc in each sc around, increasing as necessary to keep work flat. Repeat last round until piece is same diameter as bottom of glass, having number of sts on rnd divisible by 3.

Then work sl st in each sc around. Break off.

Members of the Coke crowd were renowned for their ability to divide accurately. They were especially good with grams and ounces.

SIDE . . . Ch 22 to measure 3 inches. 1st row: Sc in 4th ch from hook, * ch 1, skip 1 ch, sc in next ch. Repeat from * across. Ch 3, turn. 2nd row: Sc in 1st ch-1 sp, * ch 1, sc in next sp. Repeat from * across, ending with ch 1, sc in sp formed by turning chain. Ch 3, turn. Repeat 2nd row until piece fits around bottle. Break off.

Hang on... did any of you see that?

CORD FOR LETTERING . . . Cut 3 strands of Pearl Cotton each 1 1/2 yards long. Twist these strands tightly, then double the twisted strands and give them a second twist in the opposite direction. Knot free ends. Wrote “Coke” on a piece of thin paper. Pin this paper in place on Side.

Wait, just “Side”? No wrong side or right side, or even inside or outside? How will I know which Side they mean?

Following the writing, sew Cord through the paper onto Side. Pull end of Cord through to wrong side and fasten securely.

Perhaps Side, like Reality, is relative. Yeah. It’s all defined by our consciousness, man. Whoa... look at the walls. I think they’re breathing!

Sew short ends of Side together. Pin one end of Side to outer edge of Bottom. Sew Side in place catching only 1 loop o each sc on Bottom. Attach thread in top edge, work sc evenly around. Join with sl st in 1st sc. Break off.

Ack! My hallucinations are rioting!

Seriously, I’ve got to lay off the banana yellow Knit-Cro-Sheen

Click here for the printable pattern.