Steve said no. He said he had his pride. Steve told his girlfriend Mary that as long as he had a shred of self respect, he’d never wear anything as ugly and effeminate as that sweater.
But then Mary looked him straight in the eye and growled, “Arr, matey! If ye wants me buried treasure, ye’ll don the sweater I made ye!”
Later, when the guys at the bar dubbed him Stevie the Swishy Seadog, he just smiled. Mary had already rewarded his unconditional surrender, until he’d shouted, "Shiver me Timbers!"
Who needs self respect, Steve thought, when there’s pirate booty to be had?
For the complete pattern (and more snark!):
DEEP SEAS
Ahoy me hearties, ‘tis Talk Like a Pirate Day! And what better way to celebrate plundering pirate ways than by knitting up a nautically nasty sweater for a loved one?You Need: Columbia Minerva
NANTUK OMBRE 4-PLY
(3 1/2 oz pull skeins): 6 (7-7-8)
Needles: One pair each “Boye” Sizes 6 & 8
Gauge: 9 sts to 2’’; 6 rows to 1’’
Okay, maybe there are other ways of being more pirate-like.Back: With Size 6 needles cast on 90 (94-100-104). K1 & P1 in ribbing for 5’’. Change to Size 8 needles and start pat:
Row 1 – Right Size: K2 (4-1-3), * P2, K4, repeat from * across, end P2, K2 (4-1-3)
Row 2: P2 (4-1-3), * K2, P4, repeat from * across, end K2, P2 (4-1-3). Repeat these two rows for pat, working to 18’’, or desired length to underarm.
But who among us hasn’t fantasized about knitting up a silly pirate costume for our man, and then making him walk the gangplank on his knees...Armholes: Bind off 6 at beg of next 2 rows. Dec 1 each side every other row 6 times. Work on the 66 (70-76-80) sts to 9 (9 1/2-9 1/2-10)’’ above underarm.
Ahem. Where was I?
Shoulders: Bind off 5 (6-7-8) at beg of next 2 rows then 8 at beg of next 4 rows. Sl rem’ing 24 (26-30-32) sts to a holder for neck.
My point is, "Talk Like a Pirate Day" isn’t just a day for the guys to play at being pirates. More women than you think took to the high seas, so embrace your inner pirate, ladies!Front: Same as back to 3 (3 1/2-3 1/2-4)’’ above underarm, end on right side.
Neck: Work 25 (26-27-28) and sl them to a holder, work center 16 (18-22-24) and sl them to 2nd holder for neck, work to end. Dec 1 at neck on next row then every other row 3 times more. Work on the 21 (22-23-24) sts to match back armhole.
Shoulder: Bind off 5 (6-7-8) at armhole once then 8 at same edge twice. Starting at opposite neck edge, work other side.
In fact, your inner pirate is second mate to no man! So tell that scurvy seadogof yours, “I've crushed seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!” I guarantee he’ll fall at your feet.Sleeves: With Size 6 needles, cast on 48 (52-52-56). K1 & P1 in ribbing for 5’’, inc’ing 24 across last row. Change to Size 8 needles and work in pat as for back on the 72 (76-76-80) sts to about 19’’ from start.
Sleeve Cap: Bind off 6 at beg of next 2 rows. Dec 1 each side every row 6 (8-8-10) times then every other row until 24 rem. Bind off 2 at beg of next 4 rows. Bind off. Sew sleeves in place then sew side and sleeve seams.
With any luck, that’ll be passion you’ll see in his eyes, not hysteria. (Although they’re easy for a Pirate Queen to get mixed up.)Neckband: Sew left shoulder seam. On right side, starting at open shoulder, wide Size 6 needles, pick up and K 96 (100-108-112) around neck, including holders. K1 & P1 in ribbing for 10 rows. K next row for turn then K1 & P1 in ribbing for 10 more rows. Bind off in ribbing. Seam shoulder and neckband. Fold in half and sew to inside.
Belt Tabs: Cast on 18: K1 & P1 for 3’’. Bind off. Sew 2 to back and 2 to front.
Aye, you’ll need an astonishing amount of grog to ignore the extreme lameness of the “Belt Tabs”. But they will make it harder for him to escape your clutches. . . I mean, warm embrace!
So, with a yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum, this is Victoria AKA Mad Morgan Bonney wishin’ ye clear sailing!
My pirate name is:
Mad Morgan Bonney
Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.part of the fidius.org network
Click here for the printable pattern.
Posts
Hum, guys or gays ?
ReplyDeleteSorry I couldn't resist?
I know! I was definitely tempted to go there, but ultimately I decided Pirate Wenches and their Boy Toys were more personally inspiring. ;-)
ReplyDeleteThe model looks worried. And, is that a wig? Creeepy!
ReplyDeleteI think he looks like he's died inside. Like he'd once imagined becoming a big name actor, but now he's almost 40 and all he can get is a job modeling sweaters. Really ugly sweaters.
ReplyDeleteHe can't even afford a nice toupee.