Miss Tissue-Poo is pleased to make her bathroom debut! She was crocheted from the very finest acrylic yarn, and has eight of the finest extra-fluffy pompoms. Her eyes are two blue buttons which complement her ribbon, and her nose was embroidered with a scrap of shiny pink yarn. She’s too much of a lady to stick a red felt tongue out at people using the powder room, so I ignored that part of her pattern.
Above, Miss Tissue-Poo discreetly keeps my spare roll of toilet paper under wraps, so my family and guests won’t be offended by the sight of something so uncouth. However, she seems a little worried about that deep sea fishy behind her...
What's that fish doing? To find out:
“Help!” Miss Tissue-Poo shrieks. “A horrible monster is nibbling on my top-knot! My precious, precious top knot!”
Poor Miss Tissue-Poo. Her legs are short and fluffy, so she can’t run away. She never expected that protecting toilet paper rolls would be fraught with peril.
“Oh, thank goodness!” says Miss Tissue-Poo as a new poodle joins her. “Now that you’re here, I’m sure I’ll be safe.”
“Whatever,” says Miss Spray-Poo, dismissively.
“You’re my hero!” gushes Miss Tissue-Poo.
“Do I even know you?”
I’m afraid Miss Spray-Poo is not a well-bred lady like our dear Miss Tissue-Poo.
But who is this rude poodle? And will she heroically guard Miss Tissue-Poo’s honour from Mr. Fishy Fangs, and more importantly, her precious top knot? The answers to these questions and many more are coming soon to a DIY post near you!
French poodle! from “Make It Yourself with Aunt Lydia’s Heavy Rug Yarn”, c. 1965
Qu'est-ce que c'est? I hear you ask. Or if you don’t parlez la belle langue, you asked in an outrageous Inspector Clouseau accent, what are these things?
Mon Dieu, these are French poodles! And not some Québécois poutine-nibbling posers. Non, these are genuine Parisian poodles. Why, these two have chewed on croissants at a corner café, arguing whether Jean-Paul Sartre’s existential philosophy would have been more cheerful if he had crocheted poodles.
What? You do not believe me? You dare point out that the Aunt Lydia heavy yarn booklets are published by The American Thread Company! You think these are duplicitous dogs (try saying that ten times fast) made in New York City?
Bah! Here is proof that these crafty canines are not fake Frenchies.
I reste mon case.
For the complete pattern and the French poodle in living colour:
Well, more living grey instead of living colour. Also, this poodle is a great deal shaggier than its black and white friends. Is it a French hippie poodle?
Materials Required: AMERICAN THREAD COMPANY “DAWN” KNITTING WORSTED
1—4 oz. skein of black
That’s right, your French poodle must be made with ALL AMERICAN WORSTED!
Warning: using AMERICAN WORSTED may result in a Freedom Poodle.
or “AUNT LYDIA’S” HEAVY RUG YARN
3 skeins of color desired
Clearly, AUNT LYDIA is in quotation marks because she is MA TANTE LYDIA who owns many plumes.
2 toilet tissue rollers, 2 coat hangers, Glue, Black Tape, Newspaper, 2 Buttons for eyes, “STAR MERCERIZED SEWING THREAD, Large eye needle, 1 cardboard for measuring yarn 3 ¼” x 4 ¼”
1. Make FRAME from coat hangers. Front legs are separate pieces of wire. Twist onto neck wire then cut to length and bend.
I’m not sure why it’s necessary to ensure this French poodle has front leg mobility. Ah, there’s a diagram -- I’m sure it will explain all.
Or not.
2. Make BALL TIES by wrapping yarn loosely around card the long way 36 times. Cut yarn across one end. Ties will be 8 ½” long.
3. Make 20 large BALLS. Wrap yarn around card 20 times the long way. Tie very tightly in center with a tie and cut yarn across both ends of card. These are 4 ¼” long.
In the past, I’ve suggested reading instructions aloud for fun. However, unexpectedly yelling out BALLS might traumatize any children in the room.
Or any adults, for that matter.
4. Make 16 small BALLS. Tie and cut same as large balls except use the narrow side of card. These are 3 ¼” long.
5. COMB BALLS until Fluffy. Hold tie very firmly or yarn will pull out. Comb first with coarse teeth, then with fine. Save all your yarn combings.
Naturally, you’ll want start combing balls with coarse teeth. It’s vital that all of your slave’s poodle’s ball fluff be capital F Fluffy!
6. Push TISSUE ROLLERS onto frame. One on NECK and one on BACK. Fill rollers with newspaper. Keep neck wire frame in center of roll and fill around it. Let body roll rest on wire frame and fill below it. Make them sturdy.
Do people in France actually have sturdy toilet paper rollers? I suppose they must, otherwise they would be forced to make their French poodles out of bidets.
7. Cover NOSE and FEET with black TAPE.
8. Pad top of NOSE with walnut size of yarn combings, then wrap yarn around nose to cover combings. Wrap firmly. Leave ¼” of tape showing.
9. Wrap yarn around tissue ROLLERS and LEGS. Apply glue to end and wrap very compactly. Push yarn back tightly. Secure end with glue. Wrap yarn around legs very tightly and tie at feet.
10. Make 2 PUMPKIN BALLS using half of the yarn combings for base of each. Wrap yarn around forming a pumpkin shape ball 2” in diameter, 1 ½” high.
PUMPKIN BALLS? I had no idea that The Great Pumpkin wanted poodle pumpkins!
No wonder he never showed up for poor Linus.
11. Place one PUMPKIN BALL on top of NECK FRAME about 1 ½” back from nose tip. Sew BALL securely to NECK ROLLER at upper edge.
12. To make TAIL, bend 15” wire in middle, and double ends back for 4”. Separate ends. Hook ends around rear of dog, clamp with pliers. (A) Sew a PUMPKIN BALL on tail end of BODY ROLLER holding tail upright. Wrap tail with yarn as legs were wrapped. (B) Tie one small BALL on top of TAIL.
This diagram demonstrates the extreme importance of blocking any French poodle’s rear entry.
13. Tie 4 large BALLS to NOSE and FRAME on top of head. Don’t cover nose.
19. Sew on buttons for eyes and add collar or other trim as you like.
Et voila! You have a French… er, um.
Okay, this last diagram does not resemble the French poodles in the photos. It looks like someone strangled poor Pat the Poodle with duct tape and then glued on marshmallows for decorative effect.
Handmade by Mother does not endorse the abuse of poodles, even ugly novelty ones. So, instead of making this pattern, why not make a marshmallow poodle cake!
Pat the Poodle from Crocheting with Lily Cotton Rug Yarn, c. 1965
This is not Stylopath’s gorgeous “Pat the Poodle”. No, this is the other Pat the Poodle. The one that’s skinny, stiff and fulfills no function other than gathering dust and traumatizing small children.
“Pat the Poodle,” shouts Scary Aunt Agnes at her ten year old niece Suzie. “That’s her name because you have to Pat the Poodle! Get it? Pat Pat. Hah!"
“Um, I’d rather not...” Suzie says.
Aunt Agnes takes long, slow swig from a poodle covered bottle. “I said, hic, PAT the Poodle! Now!”
Suzie tentatively reaches out and gives the Poodle a light pat.
“Sheesh kid,” Agnes says, “I said pat the poodle. I didn’t say pound on her like a bongo drum. What kind of monster are you?”
Poor Suzie required years of therapy to recover from this visit. Happily, she is now a healthy, well-adjusted veterinarian living 800 miles from her aunt.
Alas, as you can tell from the photo above, Pat the Poodle never overcame her traumatic years with Aunt Agnes. Donations can be made to the Pat the Poodle Foundation through Handmade by Mother. Please send non-sequential twenty dollar bills. Sorry, no tax receipts.
For the complete pattern (and more snark!):
Pat the Poodle
LILY RUG YARN, Art. 241: 3 skeins White, Lt. Gray, Lavender, Black or other desired color; and
LILY SIX STRAND FLOSS, Art. 21: 2 skeins Black.
Presumably Pink is the “other desired color”. Or maybe the in house crocheter went rogue and picked her favourite colour and the devil take the consequences.
Shame she felt compelled to slavishly follow the rest of the instructions though.
No. G or 6 Aluminum Crochet Hook and No. 7 Steel Crochet Hook.
30’’ White ribbon ½’’ wide.
2 eyes (or black beads).
28’’ wood dowel ¼’’ size.
Work tightly for best results.
BODY: Starting at tail with Rug Yarn and G or 6 hook, ch 2. 1st rnd.: 6 sc in 2d ch from hook. Do not join rnds but mark end of rnds. Work in back lps.
Yes, that’s the “2d chain from hook”. As opposed to the 3d chain, which requires special glasses.
I’ll bet you think I’m mocking a typo. Nope, 2d is exactly how 2nd is written throughout this pattern. Clearly, the pattern editor had issues with the letter ‘n’.
2nd rnd.: (2 sc in next sc) 6 times. 3rd rnd.: (2 sc in next sc for an inc, sc in next 2 sc) 4 times (16 sc).
Work even, without incs. Thru 8th rnd. 9th thru 13th rnds.: Inc once at beg. of each of these 5 rnds. 14th thru 16th rnds.: Make these 3 rnds even. 17th rnd.: (Draw up a lp in next 2 sc, Y O and draw thru 3 lps on hook for a dec, sc in next sc) repeated until 10 sc are left. Cut a piece of dowel the length of body. Insert in body, stuff with an old nylon hose and close end with sl sts. Fasten off.
Ah, the giddy Cold War years when nylon hose was so common place, women worked hard and played hard in their hosiery. That’s why the pattern editor didn’t bother mentioning stuffed-toy-friendly stockings in the materials list. She knew that oodles of no longer tight tights were flung with wild abandon all over the 1960s household.
LEG: Ch 2. 4 sc in 2d ch from hook. Working as for Body, (2 sc in next sc, sc in next 3 sc) 6 times (10 sc in final rnd). *Mark last sc. Now work even thru 14th rnd. Sl st in next sc and cut with long sewing end. Stuff with a piece of dowel and nylon hose. Make 4 and sew 2 under each end of Body.
NECK: Ch 2, 6 sc in 2d ch from hook. 2nd rnd.: (2 sc in next sc, sc in next sc) 4 times (10 sc).
Work even thru 15th rnd, stuff with dowel and hose, and close end with sl sts. Sew starting end to top of front end of Body.
You see?
This ad also explains why your mom gets confused when her grandchildren are described as emo.
HEAD: Repeat Leg to *. (2 sc in next sc, sc in next 3 sc) twice, sl st in next 3 sc. Cut with sewing end. Stuff with hose and sew to front of neck at top.
FOOT: With Black and No. 7 hook, ch 2. 1st rnd.: 6 sc in 2d ch from hook. Do not join rnds. Mark end of rnds. 2nd rnd.: Working in back lps, (2 sc in next sc) 6 times. 3rd rnd.: (Sc in next sc, 2 sc in next sc) 6 times. 4th rnd.: (Sc in 5 sc, 2 sc in next sc) 3 times (21 sc).
Work even for 3 rnds. Sl st in next sc and cut with sewing end. Make 4. Slip one on bottom of each leg and sew in place.
NOSE: Repeat Foot thru 4th rnd. Work 1 rnd even. Sl st in next sc, cut and sew on nose.
Now all that’s left of the pattern is the trim, which will be described in long excruciating detail.
What? You thought you were finished because you’d completed all the necessary parts of a poodle? Hah!
LEG TRIM: With Rug Yarn and No. 6 hook, ch 11. 1st row: Sk 1 ch, sc in next ch, * draw out lp on hook ¾’’ long, Y O and draw thru lp, sc in single back strand of long lp (Knot St made), make a 2d Knot St (to complete a K st loop), sc in next st of chain. Repeat from * across (9 lps). 2nd row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, hold next lp down tightly in front, sc in next sc between lps) repeated across to end sc.
No, you’re not seeing things. There’s a close bracket sitting there after “lps” with no open bracket before it. I’m guessing that it’s not a good idea to repeat the “ch 1, turn” instructions all the way across to the “end sc”.
Although, looking at the final product, I’m thinking good ideas have very little to do with Poor Pat the Poodle. So, go ahead and repeat “ch 1, turn” to your heart’s content.
3rd row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, (K St lp, sc in next sc) 9 times. 4th row: Repeat 2nd row. Cut with sewing end. Place around leg above foot, sew ends tog. and sew to leg. Repeat on all legs.
BODY TRIM: Ch 22, sk 1 ch, sc in next ch, (make two 1’’ long Knot Sts for a K St lp, sc in next ch) 20 times. 2nd row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, holding lps down in front, sc in next 20 sc between lps.
But keep your measuring tape handy. First, all your loops needed to be precisely ¾’’ long and now exactly 1” long. Sure, that sounds like a nit-picky, anal-retentive waste of time (and yes all of those hyphens are necessary), but attention these details is what makes Pat the Poodle look like a real poo... er... um, poodlish thing that haunts children’s nightmares.
Go ahead, throw caution to the wind and make all the loops at least 10” long! Sure, Pat will look more like a pink dust mop, but at least it won’t terrorize your kiddies, right?
3rd row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, (make a K St lp as for 1st row, sc in next sc) 20 times. 4th row: Repeat 2nd row. 5th row: Ch 1, turn, sk 1st sc, sc in next sc, (K St lp, sc in next sc) 7 times. 6th row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, (sc in next sc between lps) 7 times. 7th row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, (K St lp, sc in next sc) 7 times. Repeat 6th and 7th rows thru 9 lp rows (from beginning). Repeat 6th row again. Place 2 long lp rows around body behind neck, sew ends tog. under body. Bring short rows around front and sew last row to long row. Then sew edges firmly to body, neck and top of legs.
Of course, crocheting a shaved poodle is an option as well.
Oh my. Who’s an adorable Humane Society waif? You are! Yes, you are!
Oh puppy, please stop staring at me. You found a good home, and I already have a half poodle, and my husband has forbidden me to pick up any more strays....
“Um, sweetie, can we pop by the Humane Society tonight?”
“No reason, I just want to ... drop off a donation... Yes, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.”
TAIL TUFT: Ch 2, sc in 2d ch from hook, (make two 2’’ Knot Sts, sc in same starting st) 3 times. Cut with sewing end.
TRIM: Ch 2, sc in 2d ch from hook, (make two 1’’ Knot Sts, sc in same st) 5 times. Do not join. 2nd row: Ch 1, turn, 2 sc in 1st sc, holding lps down in front, (2 sc in next sc) 5 times. 3rd row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, (K St lp, sc in next sc) 11 times. 4th row: Ch 1, turn, 2 sc in 1st sc, (2 sc in next sc between lps) 11 times. 5th row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, (K St lp, sc in next sc) 23 times. 6th row: Ch 1, turn, sl st in 1st sc (sl st in next sc) 23 times. Cut with sewing end. Sew ends of rows tog, sew Tail Tuft in center of Trim and sew on back of body.
I can’t help but notice that we have “Leg Trim”, “Body Trim” and coming up next, “Head Trim”. But this particular bit o’ “Trim” didn’t get a name. Clearly, calling it “Rump Trim,” “Tuckus Trim” or “Booty Trim” would be gauche.
So, this must be the “Unmentionable Trim”.
HEAD TRIM: Ch 13, sk 1 ch, sc in next ch, (make two ¾’’ Knot Sts, sc in next ch) 11 times. 2nd row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, holding lps down in front, (sc in next sc) 11 times. 3rd row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, (K St lp, sc in next sc) 11 times. 4th row: Repeat 2nd row. 5th row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, (K St lp, sc in next sc) twice, (K St lp, draw up a lp in next 2 sc, Y O and draw thru all 3 lps for a dec) 3 times, (K St lp, sc in next sc) 3 times. 6th row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, sc in next 8 sc. 7th row: Ch 1, turn, sc in 1st sc, K St lp, sc in next sc, (K St lp, dec in next 2 sc) 3 times, K St lp, sc in next (end) sc. 8th row: Ch 1, turn, sl st in 1st sc, (sl st in next sc) 5 times. Cut, fold this last row in center and sew 2 halves tog. Place starting row around head and sew tog underneath. Sew all edges down closely. Sew eyes in place. Tie a ribbon bow around neck and around base of tail tuft.
And... we’re finally done! Feel free to make several of these quasi-Poodles, in assorted colours. Give them to every child you know for their birthdays, and of course, on Poodle Day. Trust me, the kiddies will be thrilled.
After all, they have to pat the Poodle on Poodle Day, don’t they?
“Do you hear me, you little ingrates? I spent far too many hours making this thing, so you’re going to Pat the $%@** Poodle! Now!”
Poodle Set from McCall’s Needlework Fall-Winter, 1952-53
To properly celebrate PoodleFest, it’s not enough to cover your toilet rolls and hair spray with poodles. You need to turn your children into poodles, too.
As McCall’s helpfully points out, “What makes it fun is – her crocheted hat has poodle ears, her scarf, poodle legs, and a poodle muff cuddles her pinkies.”
Yes, wearing the dismembered body parts of your favorite pet is what makes it fun!
But wait, someone in the photo is clearly not having fun.
In fact, her poodle pal looks downright depressed.
If he doesn’t turn that frown upside down pronto, he’s going to find himself turned into a cap, scarf and muff set. Just like the last poodle who failed to live up to his billing as “funniest thing”.
For the complete pattern (and more snark!):
FRENCH POODLE
Size: 9’’ x 12’’. Materials: Columbia Knitting Worsted, 6 1 oz balls brown. Small amount of black for mouth; strand of white for teeth. Cotton for stuffing. 1 pair of glass eyes No. 14 (or 2 buttons). “Boye” steel crochet hook No. 1. Gauge: 6 s c = 1’’; 6 rows of s c = 1’’.
Take note – you have the option of using buttons instead of glass eyes. Don’t get all giddy with your newfound sense of freedom, though. This poodle only comes in one colour – brown.
If you make it black or white, your poodle will no longer be the “funniest thing”. Instead, the poodle will be a symbol of your profound failure as a Mother.
Pink is right out.
Body: Starting at back, ch 6, join in ring with sl st. Row 1: 8 s c in ring. Row 2: 2 s c in each st (16 sts). Row 3: * 2 s c in first st, 1 s c in next st, repeat from * around (24 sts). Row 4: Same as row 3 (36 sts). Row 5: 2 s c in every 9th st (40 sts). Work even for 30 rows. Break off yarn. Turn inside out.
Tail: Ch 6, join in ring with sl st. Row 1: Work 8 1’’ lps in ring as follows: * With strand over first finger of left hand (1’’ from work), insert hook in ring, draw strand through ring from under the finger, then yarn over hook and through the 2 loops on hook (finishing 1 s c), repeat from * 7 times more (draw lps up to make sure they are 1’’ long and even). Continue to work around. Row 2: 2 lps in each st (16 lps). Work 1 lp in each st around for 2 rows, then work 1 s c in each st for 9 rows. Row 14: Work 7 s c, ch 1, turn. Row 15: Skip 1 st, work 6 s c, ch 1, turn. Row 16: Skip 1 st, 5 s c, ch 1, turn. Row 17: Skip 1 st, 4 s c, break off yarn.
Stuff Tail and Body: Sew tail to body, having last row of tail at center back of body.
Just make sure to orient your poodle’s tail up, like in the McCall’s photo. You want a happy poodle, not a clinically depressed poodle who might suddenly turn around and chew on a former head of state.
Head: Starting at top, ch 8, join in ring with sl st. Row 1: Work 10 lps in ring (as in tail). Row 2: 2 lps in each st (20 lps). Row 3: 2 lps in each st (40 lps). Rows 4 and 5: 1 lp in each st. Row 6: 1 s c in each st, increasing 6 sts around (46 sts). Rows 7 to 9: 1 s c in each st. Row 10 (Start face): 1 s c in each of 23 sts, ch 18 for chin and fasten with s c in first st, then work around for face as follows: Row 1 (continue on wrong side): 1 s c in each of 4 sts, fasten eye in next st, or place marker for button, 1 s c in each of 11 sts, fasten eye in next st, 1 s c in each of 5 sts, 1 s c in each of the 18 ch (41 sts around). Row 2: Sk 1 st, 21 s c, sk 1 st, 18 s c; 39 sts. Row 3: Sk 1, 20 s c, sk 1, 17 s c, 37 sts. Row 4: Sk 1, 19 s c, sk 1, 16 s c, 35 sts. Row 5: Sk 1, 18 s c, sk 1, 15 s c, 33 sts. Row 6: Sk 1, 17 s c, sk 1, 14 s c, 31 sts. Row 7: Sk 1, 16 s c, sk 1, 13 s c, 29 sts. Row 8: Sk 1, 15 s c, sk 1, 12 s c, 27 sts. Row 9: Sk 1, 14 s c, sk 1, 11 s c, 25 sts. Row 10: Sk 1, 13 s c, sk 1, 3 s c, work 2 lps in each of 2 sts, 1 s c at center, 2 lps in each of 2 sts, 2 s c. Row 11: Sk 1 st, 12 s c, sk 1 st, 2 s c, 4 lps over 4 lps, 1 s c, 4 lps over 4 lps, 2 s c. Row 12: * Sk 1 st, 1 s c in each of 2 sts, repeat from * around, break off yarn.
With black yarn, work 2 rows of s c around, break off yarn, close mouth with a few sts.
Of course, some poodles have legitimate reasons for being both depressed and homicidal.
Continuing on wrong side, join brown yarn at neck edge and work 24 s c across back of head, and 20 s c across ch (44 sts). Continue to work around, skipping 1 st each side on each of the next 6 rows (32 sts remaining). Work even for 10 rows, then work across front only as follows: Row 1: Ch 1, turn, sk 1 st, work 14 s c, ch 1, turn. Row 2: Sk 1 st, 13 s c, ch 1, turn. Row 3: Sk 1 st, 12 s c, ch 1, turn. Work 4 more rows in this manner, break off yarn. With white, work 4 long sts for teeth below black nose. Cut lps at chin.
My, what sharp teeth you have, Grandma... I mean Mr. Poodle!
Stuff head firmly, shaping face. Sew body to edge of neck.
Paws and Legs (Make 4 legs the same for 8 lp rows): Starting at sole, ch 4, join in ring with a sl st. Row 1: 6 s c in ring. Row 2: 2 s c in each st (12 sts). Row 3: 2 s c in each st (24 sts). Row 4: 1 s c in each st (24 sts). Row 5: 5 s c, 2 s c in each of 7 sts, 12 s c (31 sts). Row 6: 8 s c, sk 1 st, 1 s c, sk 1 st, 2 s c in each of 3 sts, sk 1 st, 1 s c, sk 1 st, 14 s c (30 sts). Row 7: 8 s c, sk 1, 3 s c, sk 1, 3 s c, sk 1, 3 s c, sk 1, 9 s c (26 sts). Row 8: 8 s c, sk 1, 3 s c, sk 1, 3 s c, sk 1, 9 s c (23 sts). Row 9: 8 s c, sk 1, 4 s c, sk 1, 9 s c (21 sts). Row 10: 10 s c, sk 2, 9 s c (19 sts). Row 11: 19 s c (ending row at center back of heel). Row 12: 1 lp in each st (19 lps). Repeat rows 11 and 12, seven times more (8 lp rows).
Repeat row 11, then work top of legs as follows:
Poodles of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your leashes!
And your incredibly silly hair cuts...
Right front and right back legs: Row 1: Work 1 lp in each of 9 sts, ch 1, turn. Row 2: 1 s c in each of 11 sts, ch 1, turn. Row 3: 11 lps, ch 1, turn. Row 4: 2 s c in first st, 1 s c in each of 9 sts, 2 s c in last st, ch 1, turn. Row 5: 13 lps, ch 1, turn. Row 6: 13 s c, break off yarn, leaving enough length to sew leg to body.
Left front and left back legs (Starting at center back): Row 1: Sl st across 10 sts, 9 lps to end of row, ch 1, turn. Row 2: 11 s c, ch 1, turn. Row 3: 11 lps, ch 1, turn. Row 4: 2 s c in first st, 9 s c, 2 s c in last st, ch 1, turn. Row 5: 13 lps, ch 1, turn. Row 6: 13 s c, break off yarn.
Place cardboard shapes in paws, then stuff legs. Sew legs to body, paws facing front. Complete poodle by making the ears as follows:
Ears (Make 2): Ch 15, turn. Row 1: Sk 2 ch, 13 s c, ch 2, turn. Row 2: 1 lp in each st, ch 2, turn. Row 3: 13 s c, ch 2, turn. Repeat rows 2 and 3 three times more, then repeat row 3 for 8 rows. Row 18: Sk every other st, break off yarn.
Sew ears to head close to last lp row on top of head.
Leash: Use heavy cotton yarn. Cut 9 28’’ strands. Divide in 3, knot one end, braid. Knot other end. Tack one end back for 5’’ handle. For collar, cut 24 9’’ strands. Divide, braid. Sew ends and attach leash.
“POODLE” CAP, SCARF, MUFF
Materials: Knitting Worsted, 6 oz. red.
Red? Since when do poodles, or even “poodles,” come in red? Brown, black, white, even pink, sure! But never red!
Well... except for this poodle.
But why would you want your daughter to look like the day-glo spawn of Carmen Miranda and a Russian folk dancer?
“Boye” non-inflammable 5 ¾’’ crochet hook, Letter “F.” ½ yd. ¼’’ elastic.
Interesting historical tidbit: the words inflammable and flammable, both mean “this item burns like bejeezus and might spontaneously combust if you look at it sideways”, but come from entirely different Latin roots. Today flammable is the preferred term, because English speakers look at the prefix “in” and assume incorrectly (see how INcorrect is the opposite of correct?) that inflammable actually means “safe as houses, feel free to dress your children in it and allow them to play with matches”.
Unfortunately, none of this answers the real question of why our crochet hooks must be fireproof in order to safely complete this pattern.
Gauge: 4 s c = 1’’. Knot Stitch: † * Draw up a ¾’’ lp on hook, yo and through lp, insert hook under thread at left of lp and work 1 s c, repeat from * once, s c in next ridge st, repeat from † across.
Poodle Trimming:Row 1: Attach yarn to first ridge st of first ridge row, work knot st across row. Row 2: Ch 1, work 1 knot st (turning knot st), s c in first ridge st of next row and work knot st across. Repeat row 2 for remainder of trimming.
CAP: Starting at center of head, ch 22. Row 1: S c in 2nd ch from hook, and in each ch across (21 s c), ch 1, turn. Work s c in back lp of each s c (slipper st) and work even until piece measures desired length to top of ear, ch 1, turn. Ear Muff: Dec 1 s c each side every row until 1 st remains. End off. Attach yarn to first st of starting ch, work 21 s c across, ch 1, turn. Finish same as first side. Work poodle trimming over each ear muff. Work 1 row knot st around edge of each ear muff. Ties: Make six 30’’ chs; braid 3 chs tog for each tie. Knot one end, attach other end to tip of each ear muff.
Maybe the hooks need to be “non-inflammable” because of the extreme sport of speed crocheting. I sure wouldn’t be surprised to see scorch marks on Lisa Gentry’s hooks!
SCARF: Ch 11. S c in 2nd ch from hook, and in each ch across (10 s c), ch 1, turn. Work slipper st for 3’’, ch 1, turn. Dec row: * Draw up a lp in each of 2 s c, yo and through all lps on hook, repeat from * across (5 s c). Work even for 1 ½’’, ch 1, turn. Work 2 s c in each s c across (10 s c), ch 1, turn. Neck Piece: Work slipper st until neck piece measures 12 ½’’ or desired length around neck. Repeat dec row (5 sts remain), ch 1, turn. Slit: Work slipper st for 2’’. End off. Attach yarn to first row of slit and work another piece across same 5 sts for 2’’, do not end off. Join Slit Section: * S c in first s c of first piece, s c in first s c of 2nd piece, repeat from * across (10 s c), ch 1, turn. Work slipper st for 3’’. End off. Work poodle trimming over first and last 3’’ of scarf.
MUFF: Ch 26. Row 1: S c in 2nd ch from hook and in each ch across (25 s c), ch 1, turn. Work slipper st for 12’’ or desired length. End off. Work poodle trimming over entire piece. Sl st tog first and last row of muff. Work 4 rows s c around side openings (facings). Turn under and hem facings. Insert elastic in facings, cut to wrist measurement. Handle: Make one tie as for cap, fold in half and sew in place.
There! Your child is now securely encased in bright red “Poodle” wear, with Prozac the Clinically Depressed Poodle to keep her company. You are officially a Good Mother.
But don’t rest on your laurels, even if they’re inflammable! There’s more poodles to come...
Hair Spray Cover from “Knit, Crochet, Embroider and Braid with Aunt Lydia’s Heavy Rug Yarn”, c. 1965
Think your bathroom is a poodle paradise just because your toilet rolls and guest soaps have been poodlized? Think again!
What about all the other common bathroom items currently flaunting their nudity for everyone to see? Think of your hairspray inspiring your neighbours to live in sin!
Make no mistake, your poodle-less hairspray is living in sin.
What’s that? You don’t use hairspray? Shocking!
Go ahead and argue that it’s all the rage to go au naturel, but believe me, you’ll regret letting your hair run wild and free. Hair must be shaped, molded, and forced to conform.
Otherwise, one morning you’ll look in the bathroom mirror and see this:
So, stock up on hair spray before it’s too late!
For the complete pattern (and more snark!):
Hair Spray Cover
KNITTED OR CROCHETED
Why is Aunt Lydia shouting at us? For that matter, why is she decapitating poodles?
Materials Required: AMERICAN THREAD COMPANY “AUNT LYDIA’S” HEAVY RUG YARN
Maybe Aunt Lydia’s A LITTLE BIT DEAF.
2 Skeins Pink or color of your choice
1 Pr. Knitting Needles No. 8 for knitted cover
Aluminum Crochet Hook Size H for crocheted cover
There, now that she has a hearing aid, everything’s much better.
OR ANY SIZE NEEDLES WHICH WILL RESULT IN STITCH GAUGE BELOW
Eek!
Scraps of Red and Black felt
1 ¼ yds. ½ inch Pink ribbon GAUGE: KNIT: 7 sts 2 = inches; CROCHET: 3 sts = 1 inch
I can’t stand the uncertainty. Is she going to shout? Or is she going to speak nicely? And what does “7 sts 2 = inches” mean anyway?
Aunt Lydia, you’re scaring me!
CROCHET
HEAD: Ch 11 loosely, 1 s c in 2nd st from hook, 1 s c in each st of ch, ch 1, turn. 2nd ROW: 1 s c in each s c, ch 1, turn. 3rd ROW: Repeat 2nd row, ch 4, turn. 4th ROW: 1 s c in 2nd st from hook, 1 s c in each st of ch, 1 s c in each s c, ch 1, turn. 5th ROW: 1 s c in each s c, ch 1, turn. 6th ROW: 1 s c in each s c to within last 2 s c, dec in next 2 s c (to dec: insert hook in next st, pull loop through, insert hook in next st, pull look through, yarn over and work off all loops at one time), ch 1, turn. 7th ROW: Dec in 1st 2 sts, 1 s c in each of the next 7 s c, ch 1, turn. 8th and 9th ROWS: Dec in 1st 2 sts, 1 s c in each s c, ch 1, turn, cut yarn at end of last row. Work another section in same manner. Sew 2 sections tog leaving neck open. Attach yarn at back seam, ch 1, *dc in next st, repeat from * all around, join, cut yarn.
You know what? I’m going to just sit over here and do exactly what she tells me to do. So what if Aunt Lydia’s sewing pieces of crochet work together instead of crocheting it all in one piece? I’m sure she knows exactly what she’s doing. She certainly sounds knowledgeable.
Okay, she sounds loud. But it’s the same thing, right?
BODY: Ch 2, 6 s c in 2nd st from hook, do not join rounds, place a marker at beg of each round. 2nd ROUND: Work 2 s c in each st. 3rd ROUND: 1 s c in each s c inc 3 sts evenly space. 4th and 5th ROUNDS: Repeat 3rd round (21 sts), join. 6th ROUND: Ch 2, d c in each d c, join. Repeat last round 6 times (or length desired for taller container), cut yarn. Cut a 24 inch length of yarn, pull length through last row. Place cover over container and tie.
What I’ve learned from Aunt Lydia today:
It’s very important to keep your ROWS and ROUNDS straight. Therefore, when crocheting, you should always be sure to scream each word at the top of your lungs before embarking on a ROW or ROUND.
No, of course your family won’t mind!
POMPONS: Wind yarn 30 times over a 2 ½ inch cardboard, slop off cardboard, tie at center, trim. Work 2 more pompons in same manner. Tie 2 pompons on top of head and 1 pompon at tail section. Work 6 more pompons in same manner but wind yarn 25 times over cardboard. Tie one on each side for ears and 4 for legs as illustrated.
NOSE POMPON:Work 2. Wind yarn 10 times over a 1 ½ inch cardboard, complete pompons as before. Tie in place at each side of nose. Cut 3 circles of Black felt 1.2 inch in diameter for eyes and tip of nose. Cut tongue as illustrated from Red felt, sew or glue in place.
That’s right! Don’t think you’re getting away with not covering your hair spray, just because you don’t know how to CROCHET!
Yes, I can be Aunt Lydia!
KNITTED
HEAD Cast on 15 sts and work in stockinette st (K 1 row, P 1 row) for 6 rows ending on wrong side, cast on 4 sts. NEXT 4 ROWS: Work in stockinette st. 11th ROW: K 4 sts, K 2 tog, K remaining sts to within 2 sts, K 2 tog. 12th ROW: P across row. 13th ROW: Bind off 4 sts, K to within 2 sts, K 2 tog. 14th ROW: Repeat 12th row. 15th ROW: K 2 tog, K to within 2 sts, K 2 tog. 16th ROW: Same as 12th row. 17th ROW: K across row to within 2 sts, K 2 tog. 18th ROW: Repeat 12th row. 19th ROW: Repeat 17th row. 20th ROW: Repeat 12th row. 21st ROW: Repeat 17th row (7 sts on needle), bind off. Work another section in same manner reversing all shaping. With right side of work toward you, pick up and K 15 sts at neckedge. 2nd ROW: P across row. 3rd ROW: K across inc 5 sts evenly spaced. 4th ROW: Repeat 2nd row, bind off. Sew 2 sections tog.
I’m going to assume that we’re putting the right sides of BOTH works together...
Ooh, shouting is fun!
...and joining them together while picking up sts. AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR?
Yay, I’m a fibercraft dominKNITrix!
A poodle hair spray cover would fit right into this kinky scene, don’t you think?
BODY: Cast on 7 sts, P across row. 2nd ROW: Inc in every st as follows: K 1 in front of st, K 1 in back of same st. 3rd ROW: P across row. 4th ROW: Repeat 2nd row. 5th ROW: P across row. 6th ROW: K across row. 7th ROW: P across row. Repeat last 2 rows until cover measures 7 inches from beg or length desired for taller container. NEXT ROW: BEADING: K 1, * y o, K 2 tog, repeat from * across row ending with K 2 tog, K 1. NEXT ROW: K across. NEXT ROW: P across, bind off. Sew seam and complete same as crocheted cover.
And there you go – your hair spray is now securely restrained inside a knitted or crocheted poodle. Your victims I mean, loved ones, will be very impressed.
Mother is ignoring Baby, hoping Baby will drown herself and she’ll finally be free from the soul-crushing tedium of middleclass suburbia. “I was glamorous once,” she tells her reflection in the mirror. “Why, my prom dress still fits!”
But there’s still hope for this desperate housewife. All she has to do to restore meaning to her humdrum life is take up knitting and start covering everything in her home with poodles.
She can start right away with the toilet paper rolls. Because nothing adds sophistication to a toilet roll like that perennial class act, the poodle.
Poodle Toilet Roll Cover from “Bazaar Time” c. 1965
See? He’s dressed to the nines in black satin ribbon! Who needs cosmopolitan parties where handsome men bring you cocktails? Just make this adorable little gentleman, and every time nature calls, you’ll be putting on the Ritz!
And he won’t breathe a word about the vodka bottle you’ve hidden in the toilet’s water tank.
Bonus: you’ll never have to drink alone again.
For the complete pattern (and more snark!):
Knitted Poodle
This handsome fellow is the very first entry in this year’s PoodleFest. Yes, for the entire month of September, I will be inflicting sharing a wide variety of vintage poodle patterns with you. Make them, wear them, decorate your home with them, and send me pictures of the poodle-riffic results!
Lest we forget, last year’s perky poodle patterns are still available here.
Materials
2 (50g) balls Patons Double Knitting in Snow White 504.
I can easily believe that this poodle needs a 504 plan. Sure, we should never judge on the basis of appearance, but it’s hard to ignore the vacant, asymmetrical eyes, the lolling tongue...
What that? 504 is just the lot number?
Never mind then.
Oddment of Black for Nose.
Pair each Nos. 9 and 6 Milward Disc needles.
Probably 3.75mm and 5mm, with the No. 9 needle being the smaller one, since Milwards is a British company.
2 black buttons. Black ribbon for paws, scrap of red felt for tongue. Cotton wool for stuffing. Shirring elastic.
The black ribbon isn’t so much “for paws” as it is “for neck” and “for top knot”. Maybe, this pattern’s author needs a 504 plan!
I’m going to get letters, aren’t I?
BODY
Starting at base with No. 6 needles, cast on 12 sts. 1st row - K.1, (inc. in next st.) 11 times: 23 sts. 2nd and every alternate row - Purl. 3rd row - *K.1, inc. in next st.; rep. from * to last st., 5th row - *K.2, inc. in next st.; rep. from * to last st., K.1.
In my defense, my best friend is mentally disabled, and has a doctor’s note to prove it. So, the jokes above are no worse than an Irish person’s best friend making jokes about drinking, right?
Please don’t hurt me!
7th row - *K.3, inc. in next st.; rep. from * to last st., K.1. 8th row - Inc. in first st., P. to end: 57 sts.
Now work in patt. as follows: - 1st row - K.1, * sl.1, K.2, p.s.s.o. the K.2, y.fwd.; rep. from * to last 2 sts., K.2.
Pay close attention here! “P.s.s.o. the K.2” is not the same as “P.s.s.o. then K.2.” I mention this only because I know someone (totally not me) might read too fast and not notice the difference.
Okay, yes, it was me.
Did I mention there’s going to be a DIY for this pattern?
2nd row - Purl. 3rd row - K.2, * y.fwd., sl. 1, K.2, p.s.s.o the K.2; rep. from * to last st., K.1. 4th row - Purl.
These 4 rows form pattern.
Rep. 1st to 4th rows 6 times more. Next row - Knit. Next row - Purl.
Cast off.
Join back seam. Thread shirring elastic through cast-off sts.
HEAD
With No. 9 needles, cast on 29 sts. and work 3 in. (7 cm) moss-stitch, i.e. eery row *K.1, P.1; repeat from * to last st., K.1. Next row - K.1, (P.3 tog., K.1) 7 times. Work 1 row straight. Next row - K.1, (P.3 tog., K.1) 3 times, P.1, K.1.
Break yarn and thread through remaining sts., draw up tightly and fasten off.
Join back seam and stuff firmly.
Remember – stuff firmly! You don’t want a limp poodle protecting your toilet paper. Why anyone might come in and steal it! And then where will you be?
NOSE
With No. 6 needles, cast on 9 sts, and work 2 ½ in. (6 cm) moss-stitch. Cast off.
Sew cast-on edge to cast-off edge. Gather up one end. Stuff firmly and sew to head.
Embroider Nose with black satin-stitch. Cut small piece of red felt for tongue and sew to base of black satin-stitch.
Sew on buttons for eyes. Sew Head to Body.
POMPONS Large - Wind yarn over 3 fingers 80 times, remove from fingers and tie tightly round centre. Cut through loops and trim round into shape.
Make 9 smaller ones for face and body: make as for large pompon but only wind yarn 60 times.
Sew large pompon to top of Head, then sew smaller ones to Body thus: -
One at base of Body for tail, one each side of Nose, and Head, the others for paws as in photograph.
Tie small bow of ribbon round base of pompon on Head; tie ribbon round neck.
If one black tie poodle isn’t enough to brighten those homemaker’s blues, feel free to make him a friend. But if you find yourself making a hundred, like June Larimore and her sister did in 1978, you may wish to consult a professional.
Handmade by Mother recommends you preserve your sanity by knitting and crocheting different kinds of poodles.
Yes, it’s time for me to abandon my husband and children and lock myself away to write another novel in a mind-bending 72 hours.
Yesterday, my twelve year old son asked plaintively, “Will you be making three days worth of meals ahead of time, so we have something to eat?” I just laughed cruelly and twirled my pencil, because I don’t have an old-timey moustache to twirl.
It’ll be character building for them to learn to fend for themselves.
And right after the contest, it’ll be the most wonderful time of the year:
This blog is the result of a near OCD compulsion to transcribe - and mock! - vintage patterns, ads, and other odds and sods. And you, dear reader, are the fortunate beneficiary.
Every month you will discover new patterns from the past century. These are the vintage gems that generations of women have inflicted upon husbands, children and themselves.
You are cordially invited to recreate these products of subconscious hostility and not-so-passive aggression. Send photos of the results to victoriadunnwrites (at) hotmail (dot) com, and I will be delighted to mock them for you.
Posts
