Your Daughter is Loopy!

Loop the Loop Hat from “Easy to Make Fashions for the North, South, East, West”, c. 1960

Is your teenage daughter doing nothing but lying around the house, iPod stuck in one ear, cell phone glued to the other? Are you sick and tired of having to spring clean around her, feeling like you’re nothing but a maid to her?

Despair no more! Your lazy bones daughter can be useful.

Simply crochet up one of these easy-as-pie hats, and use your teen as a dust mop!

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

Materials Required:
AMERICAN THREAD COMPANY “DAWN” KNITTING WORSTED
4 ounces Wild Rose
1 ounce Med. Wild Rose or colors of your choice
Plastic crochet hook No. 4

SIDE SECTION: Chain (ch) 24, 1 single crochet (sc) in 2nd stitch (st) from hook, 1 sc in each remaining st of ch, ch 1, turn.

I’m disappointed that the pattern designer limited herself to just three abbreviations. Think of how much ink she could have saved if she’d written: Chain (ch) 24, 1 single crochet (sc) in 2nd stitch (st) from (fm) hook (hk), 1 sc in each (ea) remaining (rem) st of ch, ch 1, turn (tn).

Clearly, this woman does not love the environment the way I do!

2nd ROW: * Working in back loop of st only, 1 sc in next sc, working in front loop of st only, 1 sc in next sc, repeat from * across row, ch 1, turn. Repeat 2nd row until section measures 20 inches or head size required, cut yarn leaving an end. Thread into needle and sew seam, sewing 1st st in back loop of st, then 1 st in front loop of st across row, cut yarn.

Why, I bet she uses harsh chemical cleaners on her home instead of all natural water and vinegar.

CROWN: Ch 4 and work 11 double crochet (dc) in 1st st of ch, join in 4th st of ch. 2nd and 3rd ROUNDS: Ch 3 (counts as 1 dc), 1 dc in same space, 2 dc in each dc, join in 3rd st of ch. 4th ROUND: Ch 3, * 2 dc in next dc, 1 dc in next dc, repeat from * all around ending with 2 dc in last dc, join in 3rd st of ch, do not cut yarn. Pin Crown in position then crochet both sections together with a row of sc, join, ch 3 turn. 2nd ROUND: 2 dc in 1st sc, skip 2 sc, sc in next sc, * ch 3, 2 dc in same space, skip 2 sc, sc in next sc, repeat from * all around, join, cut yarn.

A word to the wise – when cleaning house, do not substitute cider vinegar for white vinegar. Your husband will wonder why everything smells like rotten apples.

And Red Wine Vinegar is no good either. That’ll get you a reputation as a lush.

BOWS: Cut remainder of Wild Rows and skein of Med. Wild Rose into 1 yard lengths. Fold in 3rds, insert hook through any part of side section, draw yarn through, and tie in a bow. Continue with bows until Side Section and Crown are covered mixing colors as illustrated.

Of course, if you go outside wearing one of these Loop the Loop hats, you’ll gain a reputation as a loopy dame. And your teenage daughter will refuse to be seen with you.

But don’t worry. At least one member of your family will provide moral support, no matter what you wear in public.

Click here for the printable pattern.