Today, Christians wear their extra special Sunday Best to celebrate the resurrection of their saviour. Jews also buy new outfits for Passover, and just about everyone in the Northern Hemisphere wants some au courant clothes to celebrate the return of spring.
Traditionally, the pièce de résistance of a new spring outfit is the Easter Bonnet. Or, if your budget is tight this year, it may be your only pièce. Therefore, it’s extra important that the unthinkable doesn’t happen.
Some strumpet wears the same hat as you!
To prevent this tragedy, I suggest that you eschew the usual flowers, bunnies and chicks of Easter haberdashery. Instead, consider drawing inspiration from the lesser known tradition of the Easter Cow.
Yes, this vintage cow hat is guaranteed to make you stand out from the common herd. And out of the milk of human kindness, I transcribed this pattern so you can udderly impress your neighbours.
No, no! Thank moo.
For the complete pattern (and more Easter snark!):
This little known masterpiece of late Impressionism is titled: Don’t Have a Cow, Ma’am.No. 1798…
MATERIALS:
J. & P. COATS KNIT-CRO-SHEEN, 4 balls each of Black and White.
Bone Crochet Hook No. 6,
¾ yard of lining material.
Buttonmold.
20 inches of millinery wire.
Use 4 threads throughout.
Four shall be the number of threads thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be four. Five threads shalt thou not count, neither count thou three threads, excepting that thou then proceed to four.
Six is right out.
Starting at center, with White, ch 4. Join. 1st rnd: 10 sc in ring. 2nd rnd: 2 sc in each sc around. 3rd rnd: Sc in each sc around. 4th rnd: 2 sc in each sc around (40 sc). 5th, 6th and 7th rnds: Sc in each sc around. 8th rnd: * Sc in next sc, 2 sc in next sc. Repeat from * around (60 sc). 9th, 10th and 11th rnds: Sc in each sc around. Overlap edges of wire so that it measures 6 inches in diameter and tie ends securely.
Be thou sure to only use holy hat wire, or thou shalt need a tetanus shot.
12th rnd: Holding wire over last rnd and working over it in order to conceal it, make sc in each sc around. 13th rnd: Still working over wire, make sc between each sc around. 14th to 20th rnds incl: Sc in each sc around. Sl st in last sc. Break off.
Nor shalt thou use high wire, lest thy name is Philippe Petit.
BACK TRIM . . . Starting at center, with Black, ch 4. Join. 1st rnd: 8 sc in ring. 2nd rnd: * 3 sc in next sc, sc in next sc. Repeat from * around. 3rd rnd: Sc in next sc, * 3 sc in next sc, sc in each sc to center sc of 3-sc group. Repeat from * around. 4th to 9th rnds incl: * Sc in each sc to center sc of 3-sc group, 3 sc in next sc. Repeat from * around. Sl st in last sc. Break off.
FRONT TRIM (Make 4) . . .
Note to pattern designer: First of all, just go ahead and call them ears instead of front trim. You’re not fooling anyone.Same as Back Trim through the first 4 rnds. Sl st in next sc. Break off. Holding 2 pieces of the Front Trim together, sew through both thicknesses around two sides and one corner. Join other two pieces in a similar way. Sew one piece in place on each side of Hat. Sew Back Trim in place with center of trim on last rnd at center back of Hat.
Second, if you’re making four ears, don’t wimp out and tell us to sew two of them together. The two-headed calf look is in style this spring.
BAG PIECE . . . Starting at side edge, with White, ch 69. 1st row: Sc in 2nd ch from hook and in each ch across. Ch 1, turn. 2nd row: Sc in each sc across. Ch 1, turn. Repeat the 2nd row until piece measures 12 inches in all. Fold the piece lengthwise and, working through both thicknesses, make a row of sc in each sc across, thus joining the side edge. Break off. Attach thread to opposite edge and join in a similar manner.
Yes, you will need the matching bag. If you wear your cow hat without it, you’ll look like a fool.BOTTOM TRIM . . . Starting at center with Black, ch 4. Join. 1st rnd: 8 sc in ring. 2nd rnd: * 3 sc in next sc, sc in next sc. Repeat from * around. 3rd rnd: Sc in next sc, * 3 sc in next sc, sc in each sc to center sc of next 3-sc group. Repeat from * around. 4th to 18th rnds incl: * Sc in each sc to center sc of next 3-sc group, 3 sc in next sc. Repeat from * around. Sl st in last sc. Break off.
TOP TRIM . . . Same as Bottom Trim through the first 13 rnds. 14th rnd: Sc in each sc to center sc of next 3-sc group, 3 sc in next sc, sc in each sc to within 3 sc of center sc of next 3-sc group, ch 9, skip 7 sc (buttonhole made), * sc in each sc to center sc of next 3-sc group, 3 sc in next sc. Repeat from * around. 15th rnd: Sc in each sc to center sc of next 3-sc group, 3 sc in next sc, sc in each sc to ch-9, sc in each of the next 4 ch, * sc in each sc to center sc of next 3-sc group, 3 sc in next sc. Repeat from * around. 16th and 17th rnds: * Sc in each sc to center sc of next 3-sc group, 3 sc in next sc. Repeat from * around. Sl st in last sc. Break off.
Line each piece with lining material. Hold the center of Top Trim at center top of Bag and sew back of trim in place leaving front (buttonhole section) open for flap. Holding center of Bottom Trim to center bottom of Bag, sew Bottom Trim in place.
Button . . .
That’s right, you’re going to be making the button too. Store bought buttons are for wusses who wouldn’t be seen in public wearing a cow hat.With Black, ch 4. Join. 1st rnd: 8 sc in ring. 2nd rnd: 2 sc in each sc around. 3rd rnd: Sc in each sc around. Place crocheted piece over buttonmold and work over mold.
According to Webster’s Dictionary, a buttonmold is “a small disk of wood, metal, etc., which is covered as with cloth or leather to form a button”.4th rnd: Dec every other sc around—to dec 1 sc, work off 2 sc as 1 sc. 5th rnd: Dec each sc around. Repeat this rnd until 2 sc remain. Break off. Sew button opposite buttonhole.
However, stick to the Knit-Cro-Sheen for covering this particular buttonmold. Using leather for a cow purse is in questionable taste, and you wouldn’t want to be tacky now, would you?
At last, you’re ready to stampede over to the Easter Parade!
Click here for the printable pattern.
Posts
Ha! I think I need a signed print of "Don't Have a Cow, Ma'am"!
ReplyDeleteGreat post - thanks so much!
You're welcome!
ReplyDeleteI actually think the cover would make a pretty cool poster for the living room wall, if it was blown up and framed. Or maybe the bathroom... considering how very pink it is. ;-)