Yakety Yak – Don’t Talk Back!

Wild Yak Yak pattern from “Gifts”, Star Gift Book No. 150, c. 1950

There’s only 11 more shopping days before Halloween, and you haven’t finished your decorating yet! You don’t want a repeat of last year when you left all your decorating until Halloween Eve, do you? Your neighbours are still talking about how you overdosed on coffee and ecstasy, and carved pumpkins non-stop for 24 hours.

What’s that? You’re bored with your old, hum-drum collection of deformed pumpkins, slack-jawed skeletons and bow-legged witches?

Then why not shake things up this year with a severed yak head? All you have to do is book a trip to the Himalayas, shoot an arrow through a ferocious yak’s head, decapitate and mount it on your front door. Or you can really get in touch with your inner wild game hunter by sticking your arm right into the yak’s head. Just imagine the look on the faces of the small children when they ring your doorbell on Halloween night and a zombie yak hand puppet pops out at them.

Don’t forget – waste not, want not. Use every part of your yak, not just the head. Yak hair makes the finest Santa Claus beards (only 67 shopping days until Christmas!), while yak meat is high in Omega-2 fatty acids making it a healthy alternative to handing out candy this year.

If you don’t have time for a trek to the Himalayas and you’re banned from the local zoo after you kidnapped their Kookaburra, you could always hunt a “wild yak yak” with your crochet hook. It’s cheaper than a big game hunt, and a stuffed, yarn yak head is less likely to get you arrested at airport customs.

For the complete pattern (and more snark):

What child wouldn’t be thrilled to stick his or her hand down this yak’s neck? This puppet’s made of heavy rug yarn so it’s extra comfy!

For authenticity’s sake, crochet your yaks out of scratchy, vintage acrylic yarn. Or Red Heart Supersaver.

PUPPET
Materials Required:
AMERICAN THREAD COMPANY
“AUNT LYDIA’S” HEAVY RUG YARN,
Article 235
3 skeins Yellow
1 skein each Black, Rust and Red
Aluminum crochet hook size H
Cotton for filling. 15 inch length of medium wire

The wire is for the arrow you’ll be jamming through the yak’s head, so make sure it’s sturdy. You wouldn’t want your child’s death-dealing weaponry to be droopy.

BODY: With Yellow chain (ch) 30, join to form a ring, ch 1, 1 single crochet (sc) in each st of ch (30 sc), do not join this or following rounds. Place a marker at beginning of round. 2nd ROUND: Double crochet (dc) in each st (30 dc). Repeat 2nd Round 11 more times. 14th ROUND: 1 sc in each dc, join. 15th ROUND: Ch 1, 1 sc in each sc, join. 16th ROUND: Ch 1, 2 sc in each sc (60 sc), join. 17th ROUND: 1 dc in each sc (60 dc), join. 18th ROUND: 1 dc in each of the 1st 3 dc, * skip 1 dc, 1 sc in each of the next 3 dc, repeat from * 13 times ending last repeat with 1 dc in each of the next 4 dc (46 dc), do not join, place a marker at beginning of round. 19th ROUND: 1 dc in each of the 1st 3 dc, * skip 1 dc, 1 dc in each of the next 3 dc, repeat from * 10 times ending last repeat with 1 dc in each of the next 2 dc (35 dc). 20th, 21st and 22nd ROUNDS: 1 dc in each sc. 23rd ROUND: 1 sc in each of the 1st 5 dc, * skip next st, 1 sc in each of the next 5 dc, repeat from * 4 times. 24th ROUND: 1 sc in each of the next 5 sc, * skop next sc, 1 sc in each of the next 5 sc, repeat from * 3 times, 1 sc in next sc (26 sc), join. 25th ROW: Ch 1, 1 sc in same space, 1 sc in each of the next 14 sc, ch 1, turn. 26th ROW: Decrease 1 st (to decrease: * insert needle in next st, pull loop through, repeat from * once, yarn over and work all loops at one time), 1 sc in each of the next 11 sc, decrease in next 2 sts, ch 1, turn. 27th ROW: 1 sc in each sc (13 sc), ch 1, turn. 28th ROW: Decrease 1 st in next 2 sts, 1 sc in each of the next 9 sc, decrease 1 st in next 2 sts, ch 1, turn. 29th ROW: 1 sc in each sc, ch 1, turn (11 sc). 30th ROW: 1 sc in each sc, decreasing 1 st at beginning and end of row. 31st ROW: Repeat 29th row (9 sc). Repeat last 2 rows once, cut yarn.

Hunters are always keenly aware of their environment, so I’m sure you don’t require any line breaks in your pattern. Plus, you also immediately noticed the sudden change from ROUNDs to ROWs.

If you didn’t notice, and kept going around in circles, your yak will be malformed and it won’t survive the winter. That’s the brutal, unforgiving law of nature.

UNDER SECTION OF MOUTH: Attach Yellow in first free st of 24th round, ch 1, 1 sc in same space, 1 sc in each of the next 10 sc, ch 1, turn. 2nd ROW: 1 sc in each sc decreasing 1 st at beginning and end of row, ch 1, turn. Work 1 row even. 4th ROW: Repeat 2nd row. Repeat last 2 rows once. Work 2 rows even, cut yarn.

UPPER INSIDE SECTION OF MOUTH: With Red ch 14, 1 sc in 2nd st from hook, 1 sc in each st of ch, ch 1, turn. 2nd ROW: 1 sc in each sc decreasing 1 st at beginning and end of row, ch 1, turn. Work 1 row even (11 sc). Repeat last 2 rows twice. Work 1 row even, cut yarn.

LOWER INSIDE SECTION OF MOUTH: With Red ch 10 and work same as upper section of mouth. Sew the 2 sections together leaving 1 st free at each end of upper section of mouth. Place inside of mouth and with Yellow crochet the two sections together.

That’s right, the yak’s mouth must be BLOOD RED. In fact, if you have any red yarn left over, you should add a few extra drips of blood to your yak’s nose and eyes. Children love this kind of bloody attention to detail!

EYES: With Yellow ch 5, join to form a ring, ch 1 and work 7 sc in ring, join, cut yarn. Attach Black in any sc, 1 sc in each sc increasing 4 sc evenly spaced, join, cut yarn leaving a length for sewing.

Yellow eyes indicate that this yak suffers from severe jaundice. Clearly, he wasn’t long for the world, so there’s no need to feel guilty about ramming a wire arrow through his head.

EARS: With Yellow ch 5, join to form a ring, ch 1 and work 7 sc in ring, join. 2nd ROUND: 1 sc in each sc increasing 7 sc evenly spaced, join, cut yarn leaving a length for sewing.

NOSE: With Black ch 3, join to form a ring, ch 1, 6 sc in ring, join each round. 2nd ROUND: Ch 1, 1 sc in each sc increasing 4 sc evenly spaced. 3rd ROUND: 1 sc in each sc. 4th ROUND: Working in sc, decreasing 4 sc evenly spaced, join, cut yarn leaving a length for sewing. Fill with cotton. Sew Eyes, Nose and Ears in position as illustrated.

MANE: * Wind Rust over a 4 inch cardboard 25 times, tie through center at both ends with a 6 inch length of yarn, slip off cardboard and tie in position to center of 1st row of Head Section, skip 5 rows, tie other end of mane to next row above, repeat from * 7 times arranging around Head as illustrated.

WHISKERS: With Rust cut 6 strands of yarn 5 inches in length. Using 1 strand, double in half and knot through one st in 1st row on edge of Mouth, * skip 2 rows and knot another strand in same manner, repeat from * once. Knot 3 more strands in same manner on opposite side of Mouth.

The addition of whiskers and a mane, both crocheted in shades of yellow and rust, means your final product will be indistinguishable from an actual yak’s head.

See? The resemblance is uncanny!

YAK YAK
Omit 1st 8 rounds of Puppet. Complete to correspond. Stuff head with cotton and sew or staple in position to plaque.

ARROW: Cover a 15 inch length of medium wire with Yellow. Secure ends with glue. Bind one end for 1 inch with Rust. Cut 40-3 inch strands of Rust and past in place to other end of arrow.

Yes, the success of this project is all in the details, right down to the arrow tipped with dried blood.

So what are you waiting for? Start now, and you can make a dozen yak-yaks before Halloween! Mount them on your front door or stick them on spikes in your front yard! Your neighbours will love you.

Except possibly the ones with the PETA bumper sticker on their hybrid. They won’t appreciate your sense of whimsy, but there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy theirs!

Click here for the printable pattern.