All across North America grocery stores are charging the punitive sum of five cents for plastic bags. Sure, using cloth bags is good for the environment, but what about the plastic bag poodle? Doesn’t anyone care that fabulous poodles like Pierre above are now facing extinction?
But don’t despair, plastic poodle lovers! I have sacrificed hours of my spare time researching this crisis. Saint-like, I endured the taunts of my husband who cruelly described my hard hitting investigation as “watching TV while making useless poodle crap”. As the Bible says, poodle prophets are never recognized in their own living rooms. And thanks to TV, I found the plastic poodle promised land.
Apparently, all of our neighbours are hoarders! Their homes are overflowing with all the junk we’ve foolishly recycled, when we should’ve been transforming our trash into CLEVER GIFTS, TOYS AND FAVORS! There is a potential PACK-o-FUN treasure trove hidden next door, including POPSICLE STICKS, FLASH BULBS (kids, ask grandma what these are), PLASTIC BAGS, CORN COBS (why compost when you can have a corn cob Pierre the Poodle?), OLD CANDLES, BURNT MATCHES (because even pyromaniacs enjoy creating crafts), HANGERS, SAWDUST (did you know there’s a Sawdust Festival in California?), STRING, and FOIL (if you can spare any of this all purpose tool). It is our sacred duty to help our neighbourhood hoarders get rid of their surplus stuff by creating wall to wall poodle paraphernalia!
Or maybe we should leave helping hoarders to the TV professionals, and just raid our own closets. And while you’re digging through your surplus fun fur and bathroom tissue tubes (that would make a lovely poodle footstool!), please keep an eye out for vintage poodle knit and crochet patterns for me.
You see, thanks to the runaway successes of PoodleFest 2009 and 2010, I’m now plumb out of poodle patterns. Okay, I have one left, but you’ll have to wait for Santa to post that poodle at Christmastime. So, if you want PoodleFest 2011 to become a reality, please check under your poodle stools (the indoor ones, not the ones on your front lawn!) for stray poodle patterns from the 1930s through 1980s. If you find any vintage knit or crochet poodles that haven’t been posted on Handmade by Mother, please contact me at victoriadunnwrites at hotmail dot com or just leave a comment below.
SO, SAVE POODLEFEST 2011 OR FACE THE HORRIFYING CONSEQUENCES! Ahem, I mean, thanks for your support in my time of poodle need.
To discover the horrifying consequences of Poodlefest 2011 not being saved: