Sweater of the Living Dead

Jaunty Jonquil, from Reynold’s Instant Fashion, Vol. 1, c. 1965

“Sir?” asked the Photographer, tentatively.

“What is it?” snapped the Editor, chomping on his cigar. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“It’s Jenny, sir. Our Jaunty Jonquil model. She appears to be, well...”

“Spit it out, boy!”

“Dead, sir.”

The Editor yanked the cigar out of his mouth. “Dead! Have you lost your mind? She’s right over there... Hey! No making out on the set!”

“Actually, sir, Jenny’s trying to eat the lighting technician’s brain. I believe the scientific term for her current state is zombie.”

“Oh well,” the Editor waved his cigar dismissively. “Just tie a scarf around her head and continue with the shoot. Barbara!”

“Yes, sir?” replied his secretary, from under her desk where she’d barricaded herself.

“Remove Jenny from the payroll, immediately!”

For the complete pattern (and more snark!)

Jaunty Jonquil

● Sizes: Directions are for small size (8-10) changes for medium size (12-14) and large size (16-18) are in parentheses.

● Materials: 1 Pr. Reynolds Jumbo Jet Knitting Needles.
1 #J aluminum crochet hook
#1701 (White) Monique 7 (7-8) balls.
#1703 (Yellow) Monique 7 (7-8) balls.
#89 Super Cabri 5 (5-6) balls.
#4101 Malibu 2 (2-3) balls.

Jonquil is a particular shade of yellow, named after the Jonquil flower (AKA Narcissus AKA Daffodil).

This is Jonquil.

And these are Jonquils.

The distinctly un-jaunty colour of the model’s sweater could be more accurately described as Dead Jonquil.

Maybe a sudden frost killed the model and her sweater just before the photo shoot.

● Gauge: 3 sts = 3’’, 3 rows = 2’’

● Back: With Reynolds Jumbo Jet Knitting Needles, using 1 strand of each yarn (4) cast on 18 (20-22) sts. Starting with knit row, stockinette for 5 rows. Knit next purl row (you are now reversing stockinette pattern with purl side to front of work to form textured band). Purl next row and continue to stockinette for 4 more rows (6 purl rows. Purl next row. Resume stockinette by knitting next row (with knit side as right side), until back measures 17 (18-18)’’ from beginning or desired length to underarm.
Armhole: Bind off 2 (2-2) sts at beginning of next 2 rows. Dec 1 st each end of needle every 3rd row until 8 (8-10) sts remain. Bind off.

● Front: Same as back.

Jenny’s family eventually sued Reynolds for back pay and severance. This lawsuit ended up before the Supreme Court of Canada, resulting in the landmark “Zombies Were People Too” decision of 1975.

Sadly, Jenny’s career as a zombie model was not as successful. Her pasty, emaciated looks were too far ahead of her time, as heroin chic wouldn’t come into vogue until the mid-1990s. By then Jenny was well past her prime, having almost entirely decomposed.

● Sleeves: Cast on 10 (12-12) sts. Starting with a knit row, stockinette for 5 rows. Knit next purl row (you are now reversing stockinette pattern as on back and front of sweater). Purl next row and continue to stockinette for 4 more rows. (6 purl rows). Purl next row. Resume stockinette by knitting next row and increasing 1 st each end of needle every 6 rows 3 times until sleeve measures 17 (17 1/2-18)’’ from beginning or desired length to armhole.
Armholes: Bind off 2 (2-2) sts at beg. of next 2 rows. Dec 1 st each end of needle every 3rd row until 6 (6-6) sts remain. Bind off.

● Collar: Cast on 58 (60-60) sts. Stockinette for 6 rows. Bind off.

Most people would call this a scarf.

Or they’d call it a hand-knit zombie restraint device. Do not use the pattern photo as a guide for correct use of this restraint.

● Finishing: Using split length of Monique, with front and back pieces inside out, sew side seams together matching “bump to bump” or “notch to notch”. Sew sleeve seams in same manner. Match underarm seams and sew raglan armholes. Now turn sweater right side out and with split Monique weave sts at seam edge together, thus closing up seam. Weave raglan seams also.
Using #J crochet hook and 4 strands of yarn, sc around neck edge. Sc around sleeve edges and body if desired.

Furthermore, Handmade by Mother accepts no legal responsibility for any damages that may result as a consequence of using knit-wear to restrain zombies.

Click here for the printable pattern.