Thursday, December 23, 2010

You Better Watch Out...

Large Santa Claus from “YOU asked for these”, Star Book No. 208, c. 1965

You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why...

Because not only is Santa Claus coming to town, he’s bringing what YOU asked for!

Yes, YOU asked for a shapeless granny square pullover. YOU asked for a useless doily for your disco dancing cherub. And, since you’re a sucker for punishment, YOU also asked for a “Large Santa”.

Clearly, YOU should be a lot more careful what you ask for.

Boy, Large Santa sure looks cranky. It’ll take a lot more than an offering of milk and cookies to placate him. Maybe next time you’ll remember that Kris Kringle prefers the nickname Big-Boned Santa.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

Yikes, never mind cranky! Large Santa’s come to life and he’s out for vengeance!

So what if he’s only 18 inches tall and made of yarn? Just look at that murderous expression, and remember, he knows when you’re sleeping...
Large Santa Claus

Materials Required:
7 – 70 yd. skeins Red.
1 – 70 yd. skein White
3 Black Buttons
1/3 yd. Red Felt
This year, instead of dreaming of sugarplums, your children will be lying awake in terror, listening for the sound of woolly feet stomping across the floor.
BODY: Wind 5 skeins of Red over an 18 inch cardboard, tie with a double strand of yarn at one end for top of head. Tie tightly about 3 ½ inches from top of head for neck. Divide remaining yarn in half for legs and tie each section about 2 inches from each end. Cut and trim for feet.

ARMS: Wind 2 skeins of Red over a 14 inch cardboard, tie 2 inches from each end for hands, then tie each side about 3 ½ inches from each hand tying for shoulders, insert through center of body. Tie about 5 inches from neck for waist. Cut and trim for hands.

Sew buttons in place for eyes and nose.
Don’t let Santa’s jolly old elf act fool you – he’s as judgmental as he is jolly. And if you’ve been very naughty, he’ll deliver those lumps of coals with a twelve gauge shotgun!

HAT: Cut a triangle 16 ½ x 14 ½ x 14 ½ inches of Red felt. Fold and seam the two 14 ½-inch edges tog for back seam. Turn about ½ inch under and tack in position to head. Finish with a pompon.

POMPONS: Wind White 40 times over a 2 inch cardboard, slip off cardboard, tie in center, cut both ends, trim into shape. Attach to top of hat. Work 2 more pompons, and attach in place for buttons.
This Large Santa doll will reinforce the lesson that children should always approach any Santa with extreme caution. After all, according to the Mayan calendar, every 1,000 years Santa completely loses his Christmas cheer.

WHISKERS: With White work a 7 inch ch. Cut yarn into 6 inch lengths. Fold 4 lengths in half and knot through each ch. Bush slightly and trim.

MUSTACHE: Cut 10 strands 10 inches long. Tie in center. Sew in place. Brush and tirm..

EYEBROWS: Take 4 strands 1 ½ inches. Tie in center. Open strands. Glue in place.
Make those eyebrows extra bushy, to enhance Large Santa’s glare. Then prop up the completed toy beside your children’s bedside, as a reminder that they better be good... or else St. Nick will take them to his North Pole Sweatshop where stunted, malnourished children (AKA elves) work non-stop making toys for better-behaved girls and boys.

You asked for it, kid!

Click here for the printable pattern.

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