Wednesday, August 12, 2009

She's Waiting for Your Call

Ad for Sirdar's Summer Breeze yarn, from McCall's Needlework & Crafts, Spring-Summer, 1968

It’s Jumpy. By which I can only assume the yarn is hopped up on caffeine.

It’s Terrific. Eight two-tone fashion colours sounds more okay than terrific, and what’s with “snow white”? Were meteorologists predicting “frost-like” summer breezes for 1968?

It’s Cool. I’ll bet an English Lit Major interning at the marketing department was very proud of that word choice.

“Check it out,” he told everyone. “It’s both cool and cool. Get it?”

“I hate him,” thought the photographer. But he kept his cool by photographing a hot chick suggestively straddling a pier. “One day,” he promised himself, “I’ll work for Playboy.”

The editor added wonderfully in front of wearable and washable. “Wonderful works for Disney so it’s got to work for us!”

The head of marketing insisted on adding the line, “She’s in Leaflet No. 2412.” “Sex sells,” he intoned, chomping on his cigar.

When the intern saw the final ad, he felt a piece of his soul shrivel up and die.

For even more snark:">

While Sirdar is still spinning yarn in the UK, Continental Yarns has long since disappeared. The last anyone heard of them was in 1981 when one of their abandoned manufacturing plants was taken over by Harper Wyman, maker of electric ranges and gas grills renowned for their dainty nubbiness.

By the way, Harper Wyman is also still around, though they are now manufacturing fabricated metal parts that are wonderfully washable, but probably not wonderfully wearable.

I couldn’t track down the unnamed model, but I assume she’s now running her own phone sex business. That’s right, Granny is sexy, and she’s waiting for your call!

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