Sunday, August 16, 2009

Yarns Gone Wild

Ad for DMC Cotton and Wool from “Ladies’ Home Journal Needle & Craft”, Spring/Summer 1975.

Naturally, you can tell those are DMC yarns and threads. In 1975, DMC was the only corporation who raised free range yarns and embroidery floss. In those dark days, all other yarn producers used feed lots and hormone shots, as revealed by the gut-wrenching TV ads produced by P.E.T.Y. (People for the Ethical Treatment of Yarn).

Of course, there’s always the risk of the yarns being damaged in stampedes like the one you see above. But isn’t it worth getting a bit of wool in your cotton, or cotton in your wool, to know that your yarns led happy lives cavorting in the ivy before being forcibly stitched into a life of slavery as your knit sweater or embroidered smock.

That’s right, polyester suits were popular in the seventies because of the Yarn Rights Movement. I read it in Wikipedia.

For even more snark:

Maybe I’ve watched too many Discovery Channel shows, but that’s beginning to look less like a stampede and more like an unconstrained, mating season orgy.

Dear God, that means bulky yarns and embroidery floss are making it with each other! 3 ply and 1 ply are intertwined in sweaty, frenzied lasciviousness! I don’t care if the result is “a panorama of over 1800 brilliant colors.” This uninhibited blending of cottons and wools is a slippery slope that will lead to cats and dogs living together and complete chaos.

Go to your knitting bag, and separate your worsted and DK before it’s too late!

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