The Curious Case of Bonnets & Bags, Part 1

Cap and Bag Pattern from "Bucilla easy-to-crochet Bonnets and Bags", 1970.

Patty thinks airline travel is a gas. She’s bugging out of her small time burg in her best blue frock, with the collar that reminds her of wings. She’ll be taking flight with National Airlines, because there’s no friendlier airline around. Their stewardesses all wear buttons that say, “Fly Me!”

She doesn’t understand the tingle that gives her inside, but she can’t wait to join the Mile High Club with one of them. She overheard her dad bragging about it to his poker buddies, and she’s determined to crash the party. After all, it’s 1970! Women aren’t second class citizens anymore.

Making a good impression on a budget isn’t easy though. Patty has hand crocheted a matching hat and bag to knock their socks off. Too bad this phrase will turn out to be literal, when the mysterious lady in purple plants a bomb in her bag.

On the bright side, when Patty opens her bag, she will definitely be joining the Mile High Club. Parts of her, anyway.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

Cap and Bag


Materials: Bucilla Straw-Tex, Cap – 4 skeins, Bag – 14 skeins
Crochet Hook: “Boye” Hook, Size G

And remember only Boye will do. Don’t be trying any of those fly-by-night Acme hooks. They’ll just blow up your hands.

Ch3, join with sl st to form a ring. Work 6 sc into ring. Mark for beg. of round.

Round 1 – 2 sc in each sc; 12 sc.
Round 2 – 1 sc in next sc, 2 sc in next sc; repeat from * around; 18 sc.

Notice how there isn’t actually a * for you to repeat from. That’s to see if you’re paying attention.

Continue to inc. 6 sts in each round, with care not to have inc. over inc. of last round, – until piece measures 5 ½ ins. in diameter.

You’ll need to pay attention, because it’s going to take some advanced math to figure out how to inc. evenly while simultaneously never playing one inc. over another. Isn’t this fun?

Next Round – Ch 3, * skip next sc, 1 hdc in next st, ch 1, repeat from * around, end with sl st in top of ch at beg. of round.

Next Round – * Ch 2, 1 hdc in ch 1 space of last round, 1 hdc in next st; repeat from * around. Join with sl st in top of ch at beg. of round.

Band – Work one sc in each st around. Continue in sc for 1 ¼ ins. or desired depth. Join with sl st. Fasten off.

And oh look, we’ve got a cap! Telling us which one we were doing first would have spoiled the surprise. Much in the same way that calling 15 minutes before a bomb goes off just ruins it for everyone.

Bag

Work as for cap until 5 ½ ins. in diameter.

Because in no way is that boring.

Next Round – Work 1 sc in back thread of each sc around.
Next Round – 1 sc in each sc through both looks of sc.
Repeat last round 3 times.

It appears that women libbers have rejected stitch markers as relics of the antiquated, sexist past, but for God’s sake don’t lose your place.

Inc. Round – 2 sc in each sc around.
Work even in sc until 9 ins. above inc. round.
Dec. Round – * Draw up a loop in next 2 sts, yo and through all loops, 1 sc in next st; repeat from * around.
Work 3 rounds even.
Eyelet Round – Ch 3, skip next sc, work 1 hdc in next st, *ch 1, skip next sc, 1 hdc in next st; repeat from *; end ch 1, join into top of ch 3.
Next Round – Work 2 sc in each ch 1 space around.
Inc. Round – Work 2 sc in each sc of last round.
Work 2 rounds even.
Next Round – * Ch 3, skip next sc, 1 sc in next st; repeat from * around.
Fasten off.

Drawstrings – Make 2 – Using double yarn, make a ch 48 ins. long. Fasten off. Starting at any point, weave one drawstring through eyelets around entire bag. Knot ends of drawstring together. Beg. at opposite end, weave 2nd drawstring in and out of same eyelets as first drawstring. Knot ends of 2nd drawstring together.

Then leave your bag unattended for several minutes. When they ask you at the airport, “Did you pack this bag yourself?” make sure to say, “Why, yes sir! Let me show you what’s inside!”

Yes, it’s little adventures like these that brighten an otherwise humdrum existence.

Click here for the printable pattern

ETA: Part 2 (with the thrilling conclusion) is here.

ETA x 2: DIY Straw-Tex Hat (except it's not actually made with Straw-Tex)