Beware the Devil Bunny!

Brer Rabbit Outfit from Beehive for Bairns, Vol. 3, Abridged, c. 1945

Not many people know this, but Rosemary’s Baby, the 1968 movie about Satan’s son, was actually a remake of the 1945 horror classic Brer Rabbit’s Baby. Unfortunately, all of the prints of the original film have been lost. All that remains is this photo of the Devil Baby’s costume test.

Don’t believe me?

Would you believe the 2001 cult hit Donny Darko was nothing more than a remake of the 1945 underground film Bonny Brer Rabbito? Here we see little Frankie telling Bonny Rabbito that the world will end in 28 days, while just off screen Ginger Rogers proves her dedication to Sparkle Motion.

No?

Then you definitely won’t believe me when I tell you that this is an adorable bunny outfit for your baby. No really, look at the cute little horns – I mean ears. Why, in this ensemble your baby will be instantly recognized as a long lost sibling of Flopsy, Mopsy, Cotton-tail and Satan.

Mr. McGregor couldn’t agree more.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

GIRL’S COAT

Also included in today’s post are “Girl’s Bonnet”, “Girl’s or Boy’s Mitts”, and “Girl’s or Boy’s Leggings”. My latent OCD kicked in and I just had to include the complete set. After all, it would be wrong if your little devil – I mean, bunny had to hop around half-naked.

MATERIALS:
PATWIN 4 ply PATONIZED KNITTING WOOL WITH NYLON.
4 ozs. 3 Buttons.

I’m going to assume the 4 ozs. refers to the amount of wool (with nylon!) required for this pattern, though putting it on a separate line was an odd layout choice. But feel free to buy three 4 ozs. buttons instead.

For Needles and Tension – see page 28.
For Washing Instructions – see page 29.

Because I’m a sucker for punishment, I’ve included page 28. But I didn’t bother reading it as I’m not a masochist. Whatever you choose to do, I won’t judge.

As for washing – and I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this – just do whatever it says on the yarn label. After all, I’m not going to trust the pattern book’s instructions – they want my baby to worship Satan! Or bunnies. It’s not entirely clear which one at this point.

I love my scanner!

¶ Beginning at neck edge cast on 32 sts.

1st row: Inc. 1 st in each of 1st. 2 sts. K4. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K5. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 5 sts. K5. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K4. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K1.
2nd, 4th and 6th rows: K1. Purl to last st. K1.
3rd row: Inc. 1. st. in each of 1st. 3 sts. K6. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K22. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K6. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 3 sts. K1.
5th row: Inc. 1. st. in 1st. st. K2. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K8. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K24. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K8. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K2. Inc. 1. st. in next st. K1.
7th row: Inc. 1. st. in 1st. st. K4. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K10. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K26. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K10. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K4. Inc. 1. st. in next st. K1. ¶

At the beginning of this pattern book there’s a note informing us that “Due to increased printing costs, ‘Beehive for Bairns, Volume 3’ Series No. 50, has been divided into two books, in order that each can be made available at so popular a price.”

So you’d think that the editor would have saved some ink and used a lighter hand with the periods! True, the “¶”s are kind of cool looking, but wartime rationing should have been observed.

8th row: Cast on 10 sts. K6. Purl to last st. K1. Cast on 10 sts.
9th row: (1st. buttonhole). K17. (Left Front). Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. (Seam sts.). K12. (Left Sleeve). Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. (Seam sts.). K28. (Back). Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. (Seam sts.). K12. (Right Sleeve). Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. (Seam sts.). K14. W1.fwd. K2tog. K2. (Right Front).

Uh oh, did I just mention the war?

10th row: K6. Purl to last 6 sts. K6.
11th row: K18. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K14. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K30. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K14. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K19. (111 sts. on needle).
Keeping a border of 6 sts. in Garter st. at each end of work, continue increasing in this manner, that is 1. st. more for each Front and 2 sts. more for Back and Sleeves every knit row to 175 sts. on needle ending with purl row.

Now, what’s so special about the number one, that it is constantly saddled with a period (as in, 1. st.)? The two, you'll notice, gets to run around completely naked (2 sts.).

Next row: (2nd buttonhole). K27. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K32. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K48. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K32. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K24. W1.fwd. K2tog. K2.
Still keeping Garter st. borders, continue increasing as before to 231 sts. on needle ending with purl row.
Next row: K36. Leave these sts. on spare needle for Left Front. Knit across next 47 sts. and leave remaining sts. on spare needle. Working on these 47 sts. proceed:–

Perhaps the editor was trying to send a subliminal message to his or her unmarried offspring. Singles must be fastened down with iron ball shackles, while couples are free to skip hand-in-hand through the letter-scape.

To make Left Sleeve: Beginning with purl row, work 9 rows, (6 mos.–11 rows) (9 mos.–13 rows) even in Stocking st. Continue in Stocking st. dec. 1. st. each end of needle on next and every following 6th row to 35 sts. on needle. Continue even until sleeve from underarm measures 4 1/4 ins. (6 mos.–4 3/4 ins.) (9 mos.–5 3/4 ins. ) ending with purl row.
Next row: K2. ★ K2tog. K3. Repeat from ★ to last 3 sts. K2tog. K1. (28 sts. on needle).
Knit 11 rows Garter st. Cast off.
Leaving next 65 sts. on spare needle for Back, with right side of work facing join wool to next 47 sts. and work Right Sleeve to correspond to Left Sleeve.

Of course, coupling up does raise the risk of accidentally spawning Satanic offspring, but life is a series of trade-offs.

To make Left Front, Back and Right Front: With right side of work facing slip the 36 sts. left for Left Front onto needle. Join wool and knit across the 65 sts. of Back and the 36 sts. of Right Front. (137 sts. on needle). Proceed:–
1st row: K6. Purl to last 6 sts. K6.
2nd row: K7. ★ K2tog. K1. Repeat from ★ to last 7 sts. K7. (96 sts. on needle).
3rd, 4th and 5th rows: Knit.
6th row: (3rd buttonhole). Knit to last 4 sts. W1.fwd. K2tog. K2.
7th, 8th and 9th rows: Knit.
10th row: K6. ★ Knit into front and back of next st. Knit into front, back and front of following st. Repeat from ★ to last 8 sts. Knit into front and back of next st. K7. (220 sts. on needle).
11th row: K6. Purl to last 6 sts. K6.
12th row: Knit. Repeat 11th and 12th rows for 5 3/4 ins. ending with 12th row. Knit 9 rows Garter st. Cast off.

And anyway, that’s a baby in a bunny suit, right? And everyone knows there’s nothing evil about bunnies.

 

Aaaah! He’s set the woods on fire and now he’s coming after us with a hammer!

Sure, Wikipedia claims this is “Br'er Rabbit's dream, from Uncle Remus, His Songs and His Sayings: The Folk-Lore of the Old Plantation, 1881”. But thanks to Br’er Fox’s tell all book, we now know the truth.

COLLAR: Cast on 15 sts. Knit 9 rows Garter st.
★ ★ 10th row: K12. Turn. 11th row: K12.
12th, 13th, 14th and 15th rows: Knit across row. ★ ★
Repeat from ★ ★ to ★ ★ 15 times, then 10th and 11th rows once. Knit 10 rows Garter st. Cast off.

TO MAKE UP: Press pieces carefully. Sew sleeve seams. Sew collar in position placing ends 3 sts. from each front edge. Sew buttons to correspond to buttonholes.

That bunnies are evil!

GIRL’S BONNET

MATERIALS:
PATWIN 4 ply PATONIZED KNITTING WOOL WITH NYLON.
1 oz. One Medium Crochet Hook.

For Needles and Tension – see page 28.
For Washing Instructions – see page 29.

For Needles and Tension – see the scanned chart above. For Washing Instructions – see the label on your wool. For my sanity. . . if you see it, please let me know.

Cast on 65 sts. Knit 9 rows Garter st.
10th row: ★ K2. Inc. 1. st. in next st. Repeat from ★ to last 5 sts. K5. (85 sts. on needle).
11th row: K1. Purl to last st. K1.
12th row: Knit. Repeat 11th and 12th rows 4 times, then 11th row once.
22nd row: K29. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K22. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K30.
23rd and alternate rows: K1. Purl to last st. K1.
24th row: K30. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K24. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K31.
26th row: K31. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K26. Inc. 1. st. in each of next 2 sts. K32.
Continue increasing in this manner being careful to have the increases directly above those of previous row to 125 sts. on needle ending with purl row.
Next row: Cast off 52 sts. Knit to end of row.
Next row: Cast off 52 sts. purlways. Purl to last st. K1. Working on these 21 sts. continue in Stocking st. dec. 1. st. each end of needle on 7th and every following 6th row to 11 sts. on needle.
Work 5 rows even ending with purl row. Break wool.
With right side of work facing join wool at lower edge of bonnet. Pick up and knit 21 sts. along remaining part of lower edge. (54 sts on needle). Next row: Knit.
Next row: (eyelets). K2tog. ★ W1.fwd. K2tog. Repeat from ★ to end of row. Next row: Knit. Cast off.

TO MAKE UP: Press lightly. Sew up back seams. With double wool crochet a cord and thread through eyelets at neck. Make and sew a small tassel to each end. For making tassels see page 16.

I have serious reservations about the wisdom of putting tassels on any piece of infant clothing. Sure, when they’re newborn they aren’t very dexterous, but within a month they’re grabbing everything in sight. And eating it.

So, unless you’re making this for the Infant Antichrist, I’d suggest leaving the tassels off. But I’ve included the instructions, just in case the Apocalypse is imminent.

 

GIRL’S OR BOY’S MITTS

MATERIALS:
PATWIN 4 ply PATONIZED KNITTING WOOL WITH NYLON.
1 oz. One Medium Crochet Hook.

For Needles and Tension – see page 28.
For Washing Instructions – see page 29.

I don’t need to go through all this again, do I?

I thought not.

Cast on 32 sts. 1st row: K2. ★ P1. K1. Repeat from ★ to end of row. Repeat 1st. row 17 times. 19th row: (eyelets). ★ K2. W1.fwd. K2tog. Repeat from ★ to end of row. 20th row: K1. Purl to last st. K1. 21st row: Knit. Repeat last 2 rows 9 times. Proceed:–

1st row: K1. Purl to last 2 sts. K2tog. 2nd row: ★ K3. K2tog. Repeat from ★ to last st. K1. 3rd and alternate rows: K1. Purl to last st. K1. 4th row: ★ K2. K2tog. Repeat from ★ to last st. K1. 6th row: ★ K1. K2tog. Repeat from ★ to last st. K1. 8th row: ★ K2tog. Repeat from ★ to last st. K1. Break wool and thread end through remaining sts. Draw up and fasten securely. Sew up seam. With double wool crochet a cord. Thread through eyelets. Make and sew a small tassel to each end. Make another mitt to correspond. For making tassels see page 16.

Or just glance a few inches up this screen.

GIRL’S OR BOY’S LEGGINGS

MATERIALS:
PATWIN 4 ply PATONIZED KNITTING WOOL WITH NYLON.
3 ozs. One Stitch Holder. One Medium Crochet Hook.

For Needles and Tension – see page 28.
For Washing Instructions – see page 29.

 

Yay! This is the last pattern! With the addition of these leggings your child will be clothed head to toe in devil... er, bunny wear.

Cast on 144. 1st row: K2. ★ P1. K1. Repeat from ★ to end of row. Repeat 1st. row 3 times. 5th row: (eyelets) K2. ★ W1.fwd. K2tog. (P1. K1) twice. Repeat from ★ to last 4 sts. W1.fwd. K2tog. P1. K1. Repeat 1st. row 5 times. Proceed:–

To shape back: 1st row: K78. Turn. 2nd row: P12. Turn. 3rd row: K18. Turn. 4th row: P24. Turn.
Continue in this manner, that is working over 6 more sts. in every row until 18 sts. remain unworked at each end of needle. Proceed:–
1st row: Knit. 2nd row: K1. Purl to last st. K1. 3rd row: Knit.
Repeat 2nd and 3rd rows until work measures 7 ins. (6 mos.–7 1/2 ins.) (9 mos.–8 ins.) from beginning, measured at short side of work, ending with purl row.
Next row: K72 sts. Turn. Leave remaining 72 sts. on st. holder. Working on these 72 sts. continue in Stocking st. dec. 1. st. each end of needle every alternate row to 32 sts. on needle. Work 10 rows even, ending with knit row.

I suspect our grandchild-less pattern editor was getting a bit giddy by this point. Either that or this was an especially important “knit”, which had to be bolded to prevent the Apocalypse.

To make foot: 1st row: K2. ★ P1. K1. Repeat from ★ to end of row. Repeat 1st. row 7 times.
9th row: K19. P10. Turn. 10th row: K10. Turn. 11th row: K1. P8. K1. Turn. Repeat 10th and 11th rows 8 times.
28th row: K1. K2tog. K4. K2tog. K1. 29th row: K1. P6. K1. 30th row: K1. K2tog. K2. K2tog. K1. 31st row: K1. P4. K1. Break wool. Joining the wool where the 3 sts. were left, K3.
Next row: K3. Pick up and knit 14 sts. along side of foot. Knit the 6 sts. across the toe. Pick up and knit 14 sts. along other side of foot. Knit the 19 sts. which were left. (56 sts. on needle). Knit 9 rows Garter st. Proceed:–
1st row: K19. (K2tog.) twice. K24. (K2tog.) twice. K5.
2nd row: Knit. 3rd row: K18. (K2tog.) twice. K22. (K2tog.) twice. K4. Knit 2 rows Garter st. Cast off.

“Girl’s or Boy’s Leggings”, huh? This may be your only opportunity to dress your boy in leggings. In another year, your dear little Antichrist will be wearing saggy-baggy jeans, and you’ll never see his dimpled knees again.

With right side of work facing join wool to remaining 72 sts, and continue to correspond to other leg until ribbing has been completed at ankle. With wrong side of work facing proceed:–
1st row: K3. P10. Turn. 2nd row: K10. Turn. 3rd row: K1. P8. K1. Turn. Repeat 2nd and 3rd rows 8 times.
20th row: K1. K2tog. K4. K2tog. K1. 21st row: K1. P6. K1. 22nd row: K1. K2tog. K2. K2tog. K1. 23rd row: K1. P4. K1. Break wool. Joining the wool where the 19 sts. were left, K19.
Next row: K19. Pick up and knit 14 sts. along side of foot. Knit the 6 sts. across the toe. Pick up and knit 14 sts. along other side of foot. Knit the 3 sts. which were left. (56 sts. on needle). Knit 9 rows Garter st. Proceed:–
1st row: K5. (K2tog.) twice. K24. (K2tog.) twice. K19.
2nd row: Knit. 3rd row: K4. (K2tog.) twice. K22. (K2tog.) twice. K18. Knit 2 rows Garter st. Cast off.

TO MAKE UP: Press carefully. Sew all seams. With double wool crochet a cord. Thread through eyelets at waist. Make and sew a tassel to each end.

Of course, the whole “devil or bunny” debate may be moot. Just take a look at this sewing pattern advertised in the 1952 McCall’s Annual labeled “Bunny with Sly Wink”.

 

Devil Bunny!

Click here for the printable pattern.

Read more!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Patchwork Cloth Pattern from Woman’s Day Granny Squares, No. 4, 1976

That’s right, not “Happy Canadian Thanksgiving” or “Happy Yes-We-Celebrate-It-on-a-Different-Day”, just HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

After all, it’s not like the Americans own the holiday. Right?

Okay, our Thanksgiving doesn’t have the cool Pilgrims and Indians story. In fact, our Thanksgiving origin story pretty much consists of an Act of Parliament in 1957. But I’m sure it was a nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat legislative session!

Besides, what’s not to love about a day set aside for dressing up our tables, inviting over friends and family, and stuffing ourselves silly on turkey? Or if you’re vegetarian, stuffing yourself on Tofurky!

Er, yum?

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

PATCHWORK CLOTH

SIZE: About 72’’ in diameter.

MATERIALS: J & P Coats “Knit-Cro-Sheen,” about 18 oz in all, yellow, orange, bronze green, herb green, turquoise, navy, light and dark pinks. Steel crochet hook size 3. Gingham or similar washable fabric, about 1 yd. of each of 6 colors; sewing thread.

Want to know a secret? I actually think this pattern is pretty. I do!

Why is this a secret? Because my son just leaned over my shoulder, looked at the picture and screamed, “My eyes! They’re bleeding!”

Bah. The child has no appreciation for whimsical seventies decor.

GAUGE: Center triangles = about 3 1/2’’ wide at base and 3 1/2’’ high; medium block = about 5’’ across the bottom and about 4 1/2’’ high at the center; large block = 6 3/4’’across the bottom and 5 3/4’’ high.

Normally I’d dismiss gauge requirements for a tablecloth. However, with all of the sewing and piecing together required by this pattern, I have a sneaking suspicion that gauge might be very important this time.

After all, you wouldn’t want your guests eating on a lumpy tablecloth. It’s bad enough your homemade gravy is lumpy.

Oh, and BTW, a can of Curry Gravy is NOT an adequate substitute for Turkey Gravy, even if it is 8pm on Thanksgiving Monday and every store in town is closed except for India Convenience. However, if you ever need to make a biological weapon in a hurry, I can heartily recommend adding Curry Gravy to Sage Stuffing.

NOTES: Since changes of dye lot will not be apparent, purchase crochet cotton as needed.

How far-sighted of the designer to anticipate today’s economic climate! Oh wait, this is from 1976? So, it’s not farsightedness, just same merde, different jour.

The cloth is composed of 3 alternating rings of crochet and fabric, plus a deep crocheted border. Each crocheted block is worked in 3 different colors which change every rnd; the order of the colors is maintained throughout each block; end off thread after each rnd.

CENTER TRIANGLES: Make 6. Ch 6, join with sl st to form a ring.

Rnd 1: Ch 3 (counts as first dc), in ring work 3 dc, ch 3, (4 dc, ch 3) twice; sl st in top of starting ch-3.

Rnd 2: In a ch-3 sp, (ch 3 for first dc, 3 dc, ch 3, 4 dc), * ch 1, (4 dc, ch 3, 4 dc) in next ch-3 sp, repeat from *, ch 1; sl st in top of starting ch-3.

Rnd 3: (Ch 3, 3 dc, ch 3, 4 dc) in a ch-3 sp, * ch 1, 4 dc in next ch-1 sp, ch 1, (4 dc, ch 3, 4 dc) in next ch-3 sp, repeat from *, ch 1; sl st in top of starting ch-3.

Rnd 4: In corner ch-3 sp work (ch 3, 3 dc, ch 3, 4 dc), * (ch 1, 4 dc in next ch-1 sp) twice, ch 1, (4 dc, ch 3, 4 dc) in next ch-3 sp, repeat from *, ch 1; sl st in top of ch-3.

Rnd 5: Work in the same manner as for Rnd 4.

I’m actually tempted to try this pattern. No, really! Which would be completely insane for several reasons, not least of which is that it requires huge amounts of crocheting using a tiny, tiny hook.

MEDIUM BLOCKS: Make 16. Ch 8, join with sl st to form a ring.

Rnd 1: Ch 3 (counts as dc), in ring work 3 dc, (ch 2, 4 dc) 4 times, ch 2; sl st in top of starting ch-3.

Rnd 2: In a ch-2 sp work (ch 3 for first dc, 3 dc, ch 2, 4 dc) for corner, (ch 1, 4 dc, ch 2, 4 dc) in each of next 3 ch-2 sps, ch 1, 4 dc in next sp, ch 1 (bottom of block); sl st in top of starting ch-3.

Rnd 3: In first corner ch-2 sp of Rnd 2 work (ch 3, 3 dc, ch 2, 4 dc). *ch 1, 4 dc in next ch-1 sp, (4 dc, ch 2, 4 dc) in next ch-2 sp, repeat from * twice more, (ch 1, 4 dc) in each of last 2 ch-1 sps, ch 1; sl st in top of starting ch-3.

Rnd 4 through 7: Continue in this manner working one more 4-dc group on each side of block; between corner groups there will be 5 groups on each of 3 sides and 6 groups across the bottom.
LARGE BLOCKS: Make 22. Work as for Medium Block working tr’s instead of dc, ch 4 for the first tr of each rnd; work the same number of groups across each side.

It’s all the pretty colors. They’re blinding me to the fact that I’d have to make a total of 44 motifs in cotton thread. And that I’d almost certainly lose interest and this would become just another sad, half-completed project languishing in my knitting basket. (Yeah, Lacy Pink Sock – I’m looking at you!)

FINISHING: Join triangles to form the center circle of the cloth: On wrong sides working through both thicknesses, sc in corner lps, * ch 4, sc in ch-1 sp between next groups of sts, repeat from * working last sc in next corner lps. In the same manner join medium blocks to form a ring, being sure to keep the wider side on the outer edge of the ring. Join the large blocks in the same way.

Plus, I don’t know the first thing about sewing. All I ever do is buttons and seams. My buttons do stay on, but my repaired seams inevitably look hunchbacked.

Trace separately each of the three actual-size half-patterns, then cut working patterns from paper.

“Actual size” will vary depending on your monitor size and resolution. Bwahahaha!

But because I’m a nice person, I’ll give you one hint – the largest pattern measures approx. 7 3/4’’ inches along the dotted line.

Good luck!

Fabric Patches: Use actual size half-patterns, adding 5/8’’’ on all outer edges for seams (do not add on fold line); cut smallest and largest patches with fold line on straight of goods, medium patches on the bias. Cut as follows: 22 large patches for the outer gingham ring – 3 of each of the 6 colors, and 4 more of your favorites; 12 medium patches – 2 of each color; 6 of the smallest patch – 1 of each color. Baste the patches to form rings; fit the rings to the crochet making adjustments if necessary so that the cloth will lie flat; seam the patches, then hem the crocheted rings to the fabric.

And the chief reason why I shouldn’t tackle this tablecloth – I don’t own a circular kitchen table. Even if I did, it wouldn’t be big enough to seat everyone in my family for dinner, much less Thanksgiving.

Border: Rnd 1: With yellow ch 6. Row 1: Work 4 tr in first ch; turn. Row 2: Ch 6 (counts as tr, ch 2), 4 tr in sp between tr-group and ch, ch 2, tr in same sp; turn. Row 3: Ch 6, 4 tr in ch-2 sp, ch 1, 4 tr in ch-sp at end of row; turn. Row 4: Ch 5, 4 tr in next ch-1 sp, ch 1, 4 tr in ch-sp at end of row, ch 2, tr in same sp; turn. Row 5: Ch 6, 4 tr in ch-2 sp; turn. Repeat rows 2 through 5 for the circumference of the cloth, ending with row 4; ch 4, sl st in first ch worked.

Rnd 2: Working along the pointed edge, join orange in ch-sp just above the first 4-tr group worked on last rnd, (Row 1) ch 4 (counts as tr), 3 tr in same sp, ch 1, (4 tr, ch 5, 4 tr) in next ch-5 sp, ch 1, 4 tr in ch-1 sp on other side of point, 4 tr in corresponding sp of next point; continue in this manner around the points; sl st in top of starting ch-4.

Rnd 3: Join bronze in first ch-1 sp of last rnd then work in the same manner as for last rnd.

Repeat Rnd 3 following the order of colors as listed at beg of instructions, for 8 rnds in all. Sew border around outer edge of cloth.

Of course, if I did purchase a small round table, I could always make the children sit there during Thanksgiving dinner.

Yeah... I like that idea. After all, my son is still eleven. He’s much too young to sit with the adults.

“Makes his eyes bleed”, indeed!

Click here for the printable pattern.

Read more!

My Angel is a Centerfold

Starburst Jacket and Afghan Patterns from Family Circle’s “112 Fashions and Crafts”, 1980

Do you remember the 80’s? I do!

When I wasn’t singing along to the J. Geils Band, I remember cutting the shoulder pads out of all of my clothes. Sturdy, broad-shouldered lasses like myself didn’t require any assistance in achieving the fashionable linebacker look. I also remember using enough hairspray to destroy the ozone layer trying to get my hair to stay in a perfect French braid, with just one lock falling perfectly over my forehead.

Alas, as this unretouched photo of an Eighties Gal proves, the end results rarely resembled the ideal.

 

And just in case you think this nameless teenager rolled out of bed looking like that, I have it on good authority that she spent an hour before this picture was taken trying to get her hair to behave.

My blood runs cold...

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

STARBURST JACKET

Fits sizes 8-12.

(See page 112)

Because you may believe you’re size 8, but we know better.

Hey, it’s a giant chart to determine Standard Body Measurements! Doesn’t that look easy to use?

Assuming, that is, you’re part of the 52 percent of Canadians who can actually read charts

MATERIALS: Bucilla “Winsom” (2 oz skns): 1 1/2 skns Apricot #266 (A); 3 1/4 skns Lt Rust #267 (B); 3 1/4 skns Med Rust # 268 (C). For hook sizes and gauge, see STARBURST AFGHAN.

Yep, because nothing says “I’m an energetic go-getter” to prospective employers like a jacket that resembles a cozy afghan.

With regard to hook sizes and gauge, the STARBURST AFGHAN pattern says:

Crochet hook, Size G, OR ANY SIZE WHICH WILL OBTAIN THE STITCH GAUGE BELOW; crochet hook, Size F, for edging only; tapestry needle.

GAUGE: Each diamond motif is 3 1/4’’ wide and 5 1/2’’ long. TO SAVE TIME, TAKE TIME TO CHECK GAUGE.

No, you’re not seeing things. That last instruction was indeed capitalized and bolded. It’s rather heartwarming to know that the pattern editor cared so much about my valuable time. However, considering this garment is made of 102 individual diamond motifs, I have to wonder at the urgent tone of this instruction. Did the editor really believe I’d crochet up all 102 before it occured to me to measure one?

MEASUREMENTS:

Width across back at underarms: 20’’
Sleeve length from shoulder: 22’’

Funny... that looks like 100 motifs, and the two at the end of the sleeves are shaped differently from all the others. Oh well, I'm sure it won't affect the end result!

DIRECTIONS: Refer to Starburst Afghan. Make 102 diamond motifs in first color combination.

There’s that afghan again! Just in case you’re dying of curiosity, here’s a picture of it.

Oh yeah, what’s sexier than a matching afghan and jacket combo? Every time your man looks at you, all he’ll be able to think about is snuggling in front of a cold fire with you and your basket of colour-coordinated yarns.

(Note: All rnds are worked from right side.)

DIRECTIONS – Diamond motif – First Color Combination (Work 176) –

Don’t forget, for the jacket you only want to work 102. Unless you’re planning to eat way, way too much Tofurky this weekend.

Rnd 1: With A and Size G hook, ch 1 loosely for center, ch 5 more, 1 dc in center ch – corner, * ch 1, 1 tr in same ch, ch 1, work 1 dtr (yo 3 times), ch 3, 1 dtr all in center ch – corner, ch 1, 1 tr in same ch, ch 1 *, work 1 dc, ch 2, 1 dc all in center ch – corner; rep from * to * once, join with sl st to 3rd ch at start. Fasten off.

Rnd 2: Attach B in any ch-2 corner sp, ch 5, 1 dc in same sp, * [ch 1, 1 dc in next sp] twice, ch 1, work 1 dc, ch 1, 1 tr, ch 3, 1 tr, ch 1, and 1 dc all in next ch-3 sp, [ch 1, 1 dc in next sp], twice, ch 1 *, work 1 dc, ch 2, 1 dc all in next ch-2 sp; rep from * to * once, join with sl st to 3rd ch at start. Fasten off.

Rnd 3: Attach C in any ch-2 corner sp, 1 sc, ch 1, 1 sc all in same sp, * [ch 1, 1 sc in next sp] 4 times, ch 1, work 1 hdc, ch 1, 1 dc, ch 5, 1 dc, ch 1, and 1 hdc all in next ch-3 corner space, [ch 1, 1 sc in next sp] 4 times, ch 1 *, work 1 sc, ch 1, 1 sc all in next ch-2 corner sp; rep from * to * once, join with sl st to first sc. Fasten off.

Tah-dah! Your first motif is done. Aren’t you excited about having to do 101 more?

Assemble as shown in diagram, following directions in afghan.

Sigh. All right, here’s what the flippin’ afghan pattern says:

Assembly: With C and tapestry needle, sew motifs tog from right side using overcast st. Working in back lp only of each st, start sewing in center ch of one corner and end in center ch of next corner.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress.

(Note: Jacket fits very loosely and has wide shapes sleeves. If you wish, you may thread a crocheted chain through the waistline to draw in fullness. For a small-waisted look, as in our picture, push the extra fullness to the back, to create a peplum effect. Add a purchased belt.)

Right, bunch it up to create a “peplum effect”, that’ll look good. But for God’s sake, once you’ve got it just right, don’t take the jacket off! Or turn your back on anyone and reveal the “crumpled up afghan effect”.

Hang on, is this the end of the pattern? Seems to me that they forgot something intrinsic to 1980s women’s wear. Either that, or this model suffers from hideous shoulder tumors.

Click here for the printable pattern.

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Tyger! Tyger! Burning Bright!

Man’s Tiger Vest pattern from Good Housekeeping Needlecraft, Spring-Summer 1972

Because I’m a fan of The Comics Curmudgeon, I took one look at this so-called Tiger Vest and instantly recognized the face of Marmaduke, the man-eating, demon dog. Sure, Great Dane apologists describe them as gentle giants, but if they’re not hell hounds, then how come their satanic statuettes are for sale online?

Okay, so it’s not very likely that Good Housekeeping was a front for Marmaduke’s malevolent cult. A far more likely scenario is that the magazine commissioned a tiger vest, but due to the barely audible long distance call, the designer thought they wanted a crocheted Tasmanian tiger vest. You’ve got to admit, the vest above bears a much stronger resemblance to the temporarily extinct Tasmanian Tiger than to the endangered Siberian Tiger.

 

Thankfully, due to modern cell phone technology, such misunderstandings are a thing of the past. Alas, in 1972, Good Housekeeping’s editors had no choice but brazen the whole thing out, so they claimed that this vest boasted “a flashy tiger face”. To be fair, I imagine a Siberian tiger would look like this vest if you jammed that tiger into a phone booth and then turned on a strobe light.

Handmade by Mother is not legally responsible for any mental, emotional or physical harm that is likely to ensue should you decide to test this theory.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

MAN’S TIGER VEST

SIZES: Directions are for Size 40. Changes for Size 42 are in parenthesis.

If your sweetie is smaller or larger than sizes 40-42, he should count himself very lucky.

MATERIALS: Unger’s Nanette (50 gram ball), 5 (6) Black (A), 1 Lt. Orange (B), 1 Dk. Orange (C) and 1 White (D). Hero alumnium crochet hook Size F or size to give gauge.

Unger’s Nanette yarn was a soft 100% acrylic yarn from Belgium that was tragically hunted into extinction. As near as I can tell from the historical record, Nanette was worsted weight.

GAUGE: 4 dc = 1”; 5 rows = 2”.

Get that gauge right, or the tiger’s face will look all stretched out and... Never mind.

FINISHED MEASUREMENT: Chest: 40 (42)”.

BACK: With A, ch 74 (78) loosely.

Row 1: Dc in 4th ch from hook, 1 dc in each ch—72(76) dc, including turning ch, Ch 3, turn.

Row 2: Ch 3 on turn is always counted as first st, 1 dc in each st across row. Ch 3, turn. Repeat Row 2 for pattern. Work even for 10 rows. Inc. 1 st each end of next row (to inc: 2 dc in 1 st), then every 4th row 3 times more. Work on 80 (84 sts until 40 rows from beg. Do not ch 3 at end of last row.

SHAPE ARMHOLES:Sl st loosely across 5 sts, work to within 5 sts from end of row. Dec 1 st each end every row 9 times, (to dec: work off 2 sts as 1 st, yo pull up a loop, yo pull through 2 loops, leaving 2 loops on hook, pull up a loop in next st, yo pull through all loops on hook)—52 (56) sts.

SHAPE NECK: Work across first 5 sts, leave out center 42 (46) sts for neck, attach another ball, work 5 sts. With 2 balls of yarn, work even until entire armhole is 9 (9 ½ )”. Fasten off.

Maybe I’ve been a bit harsh on this tiger design. Maybe it was meant to be a metaphorical tyger.

FRONT: With A, ch 74 (78) loosely. Work 3 rows as for Back—72 (76) sts.

Next row: Work 15 (17), leave off center 42 sts for Tiger insert, attach another ball of yarn, work 15 (17). Working with 2 balls of yarn, at each side of the edge, work even until 10 rows from beg, inc 1 st at each seam edge, then every 4th row 3 times more—19 (21) sts. Work to underarm as for Back.

SHAPE ARMHOLES: At each arm edge, leave off 5 (7) sts once, then dec 1 st every row 9 times—5 sts. Work even until armhole is same length as Back. Fasten off.

Still, I highly recommend you stop here. Sure, there’s a gaping hole in the front of the vest, but think about it, wouldn’t your sweetie’s bare naked chest look better than this ersatz tiger? Just tell him to stop shaving off his chest hair and he won’t even feel the chill. True, his nipples may eventually fall off from frost bite, but it’s not like he was using them, right?

What? You want to continue on to the “Tiger” insert? Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

TIGER INSERT: With A, ch 42. Sc in 2nd ch from hook, sc in each ch (41 sts). Follow Chart in dc, working to center st, then backwards to beg of row so that other half is same as first half.

The longer I stare at this chart, the more I’m convinced that my first theory was right. Marmaduke wants you to wear this vest so he can to drag your soul into hell. Coming soon to theatres near you.

(NOTE: Carry yarns loosely across back of work. Twist yarns on wrong side when changing colors and pull through new color as you are working off the last loop of previous color. Work to center st, then do not repeat center st but work back to beg of row. Do not carry a thread across the back of too many sts. Attach a new thread instead).

Marmaduke will know if you don’t attach a new thread. His red, soulless eyes are watching you.

 

FINISHING: With A, work 1 row of sl st around front insert, making sure to keep work flat. Sew insert to front edges, weaving a flat st. With A, work 1 row of sl st around neck and armhole edges. With B, work 1 row of sc around neck and armhole edges. Steam lightly. Do not press.

Handmade by Mother apologizes if any of the above was offensive to Great Dane lovers, Marmaduke fans, or the Marmaduke movie producers. Please do not send your demon hounds to eat Snookums.

Click here for the printable pattern.

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CSI: Phentex

“Hailstone” Afgan from Phentex Decoration 2000, 1972.

In the 1970s, young women were warned not to wander through autumnal woodlands by themselves. Of course, they were never told the real reason why. For decades, Phentex Inc. hid the true nature of their non-fading and stain resistant yarns. But after months of stouthearted sleuthing, I’ve finally uncovered this photographic proof of Phentex’s dark side.

You see, Phentex only manages to keep its colours from fading by hibernating during the winter months. Accordingly, every autumn, Phentex is driven by an overwhelming compulsion to stock up on as many calories as it can. Unlike other woodland predators, however, Phentex is a sophisticated tool user, and often uses furniture to lure unsuspecting prey into its fatal embrace.

In the photo above, a young woman is desperately trying to resist the hypnotic gaze of Phentex’s beady red and white eyes. “You’re tired after your long walk,” Phentex insidiously whispers in her mind. “Why not rest awhile on this convenient and in no way suspicious brass bed in the middle of the forest.” If she’s foolish enough to lie down, Phentex’s stain resistant yarn will rapidly shed any incriminating evidence of her gory end.

What? No, this scenario wasn’t dreamt up by someone who has an unhealthy obsession with Phentex and who was also traumatized by Hinterland’s Who’s Who as a child! I didn’t want to include the next piece of evidence, out of concern for this blog’s more sensitive readers, but your baseless accusations have forced my hand! Now, if you dare, look upon the terrible sight of Phentex after it’s made a brutal kill.

 

For more information on Phentex, contact the Canadian Wildlife Service, in Ottawa.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

“Hailstone” Afgan

Hailstone? I guess the two white circles could be gigantic hailstones. The red squares could be blood stains from all of the skulls these apocalyptic hailstones cracked open. And I suppose you’d then want to lay out these bloody hailstones on a geometric grid as you’d need DNA testing to identify the badly pummeled corpses. There, the name “Hailstone” Afgan now makes perfect sense!

And yes, that’s Afgan. When making an afghan out of Phentex the h is both silent and invisible.

Size: 81” X 72”.

Material: Phentex 3 ply – red 15 balls white 14 balls navy 6 balls

Crochet: No. 3. American no 10.

Just because Phentex is less popular now than in the 1970s, don’t mistakenly believe you’re safe. Phentex is still a vicious killer.

Stitches: s.c.—d.c.—h.d.c.

Row 1—Ch. 4, close by a sl. st.
Row 2—(white)—16 d.c. in the same space.
Row 3—(red)—*3 d.c. in same st., 3 d.c. in next 3 sts. * (4 times)
Row 4—*3 d.c. in same st. (in the center d.c. of prec. row) 5 d.c. in next 5 d.c.* (4ts)

Note how desperately these instructions huddle together in fear, not allowing any spaces between the dashes or rows. The second instruction to repeat 4 times was so terrified of ending up on a separate line that it collapsed hysterically into ‘4ts’. It was never the same again.

Row 5—*3 d.c. in same st., 7 d.c. in next 7 d.c. * (4 times)
Row 6—(white) *3 d.c. in same st., 2 d.c. in next 2 d.c., 1 h.d.c. in next st., 3 s.c. in next 3 sts., 1 h.d.c., 3 d.c. *

Now, it’s true that one brave Canadian soul has harnessed Phentex’s killer instincts for beneficial purposes. Well, beneficial unless you’re a fish.

Row 7—*3 d.c. in same st., 3 d.c. in next 3 d.c., 1 d.c., 3 s.c., 1 h.d.c., 3 d.c. *
Row 8—(red) *3 d.c. in same st., 3 d.c., 1 h.d.c., 5 s.c., 1 h.d.c., 3 d.c. *
Row 9—(red)/ 3 d.c. in the same stitch 2 d.c.—2 tr.c. 7 s.c.—2 tr.c.—2 d.c. *

Still, Handmade by Mother recommends leaving such risky endeavors to professional Phentex wranglers. After all, even professional pattern editors can get so rattled by Phentex’s deadliness that typos, such as the above “/”, are given free range and commas are dropped willy-nilly.

Row 10—(white)* 3 d.c. in the same stitch 3 d.c.2 tr.c., 7 s.c., 2 tr.c., 3 d.c. *
Row 11—(navy) Make one row of s.c. all around making 3 s.c. at the angles.
Assemble squares by one row of s.c. navy placing 9 scares long and 8 squares large.

If you are foolhardy enough to crochet this “Blood-Soaked Hailstones of the Apocalypse Ready for DNA Testing” Afgan, at least take the precaution of wearing appropriate protective gear.

Click here for the printable pattern.

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Knit or Crochet, Ripple Socks Make Their Own Fun!

Ripple Sock Patterns from “Ripples, Knitted & Crocheted” c. 1965

Now, these sock patterns do come with suggested colours: Black and Cocoa for the knitted pair, Black and Scarlet for the crocheted ones. But the colourless photo is a clear invitation to go wild and pick any colour combination your heart desires.

So why not Yellow and Brown for Thanksgiving? Orange and Black for Halloween? Or Green and Red for Christmas? Make them extra long, and hey presto, you’ve got seasonal – and sexy! - stockings.

Just be careful where you flaunt them. There’s an urban legend that walking or dancing too vigorously in ultra-rippled socks will trigger seizures in anyone watching you.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

ANOTHER KNIT OR CROCHET RIPPLE

Model illustrated is crocheted

That’s right, knitters! There’s no picture to guide you. You’ll be knitting blind!

Knitted Ripple Socks

Materials Required:

AMERICAN THREAD COMPANY “DAWN” KNITTING WORSTED

Dawn Knitting Worsted – now “permanently mothproofed”. Don’t trust your precious ripple socks to those temporarily mothproofed brands!

4 oz each Black and Cocoa

Or Black and Silver for New Year’s, Pink and Red for Valentine’s Day, or Red and White for Canada Day!

1 Pr. Knitting Needles No. 9 or ANY SIZE NEEDLES WHICH WILL RESULT IN STITCH GAUGE BELOW

GAUGE: 9 sts = 2 inches

With all of those ALL CAPS shouting at me, it’s anticlimactic to read “sts” and “inches” in lowercase. I expected to see “9 STS = 2 INCHES!!!1!1! KN1TZ!”

NOTE: Socks are worked in alternate stripes of 2 rows Black, 2 rows Cocoa.

With black cast on 85 sts work same as mittens on page 24 for 9 1/2 inches.

I love being sent on scavenger hunts. Especially when the relevant instructions are located further along in the book than the pattern I’m currently working on.

The Relevant Part of the Mitten Pattern:

With Black case on 85 sts. 1st ROW: K 2 tog, K 5, inc in next st, (to inc: K in front, K in back, K in front of st) K 5, * K 3 tog, K 5, inc, K 5, repeat from * across ending K 2 tog. 2nd ROW: K 2 tog, K 5, inc, K 5, * K 3 tog, K 5, inc, K 5, repeat from * across ending K 2 tog. Repeat these last 2 rows 9 times, alternating colors.

That’s right, this sock is knitted flat, not in the round. If you’re fussy about seams in your socks, this is not the pattern for you.

NEXT ROW: K 2 tog, K 11, * K 3 tog, K 11, repeat from * across ending K 2 tog. NEXT ROW: K 2 tog, K 4, inc, K 4, * K 3 tog, K 4, inc, K 4, repeat from * across ending K 2 tog. Repeat last row for 5 inches ending with Cocoa. With Black bind off 6 sts at beg of next 2 rows.

Of course, if people are rude enough to check your socks for seams, just walk away from them briskly and they’ll be distracted by ripple-induced seizures.

HEEL: With Black work in stockinette st (K 1 row, P 1 row) over 10 sts for 10 rows. Place remaining sts on st holder. Turn 1st half of heel as follows: K 2, sl 1, K 1, p.s.s.o., K 1, turn; P 4, turn; K 3, sl 1, K 1, p.s.s.o., K 1, turn; P 5, turn; K 4, sl 1, p.s.s.o., K 1, turn; P 6, turn; K 5, sl 1, K 1, p.s.s.o., pick up 6 sts on side of heel; place these sts on st holder. Turn 2nd half of heel as follows: attach Black at opposite side, P across 10 sts. Work in stockinette st over the 10 sts for 9 more rows, then P 2, P 2 tog, P 1, turn; K 4 turn; P 3, P 2 tog, P 1, turn; K 5, turn; P 4, P 2 tog, P 1, turn; K 6, turn; P 5, P 2 tog, pick up 6 sts on side of heel. Slip all sts from holders onto needle. NEXT ROW: With right side of work toward you attach Cocoa, inc 1 st in 1st st, then K 4, K 3 tog, K 4, * inc 2 sts in next st, K 4, K 3 tog, K4, repeat from * across inc 1 st in last st. Repeat this row until sole section is 2 inches less than desired length. NEXT ROW: K 5, K 3 tog, * K 9, K 3 tog, repeat from * across ending K 5. NEXT ROW: Inc 1 st in 1st st, K 3, K 3 tog, K 3, * inc 2 sts in next st, K 3, K 3 tog, K 3, repeat from * across inc 1 st in last st. NEXT ROW: K 4, K 3 tog, * K 7, K 3 tog, repeat from * across ending with K 4. NEXT ROW: Inc 1 st in 1st st, K 2, K 3 tog, K 2, * inc 2 sts in next st, K 2, K 3 tog, K 2, repeat from * across inc 1 st in last st. NEXT ROW: K 3, K 3 tog, * K 5, K 3 tog, repeat from * across ending with K 3. NEXT ROW: Inc 1 st in 1st st, K 1, K 3 tog, K 1, * inc 2 sts in next st, K 1, K 3 tog, K 1, repeat from * across inc 1 st in last st. NEXT ROW: K 2, K 3 tog, * K 3, K 3 tog, repeat from * across, ending with K 2. NEXT ROW: K 2 tog, * K 3 tog, repeat from * across ending with K 2 tog. Cut yarn, leaving a 12 inch length. Thread through blunt needle, pull through remaining sts and draw tog.

Whew! After awhile all of the NEXT ROWs begin to blur together. I think I counted them up correctly, but if the toes of your socks come out deformed, don’t blame me. It was the sadistic editor who couldn’t be bothered to type “TOE: Row 1:”, and instead inflicted this indigestible mass of instructions upon us.

FINISHING: Block. Steam lightly and sew seam.

I bet even the professional knitter ended up with deformed toes, and that’s why they only provided a picture of the crocheted socks.

Crocheted Ripple Socks

Materials Required:

AMERICAN THREAD COMPANY “DAWN” KNITTING WORSTED

4 ounces Black

3 ounces Scarlet

Aw, heck! Why limit yourself to just two colours? You can celebrate Easter with Yellow, Pink and Green stripes. If you’re American, you can show your patriotism on the 4th of July with Red, White and Blue stockings. Or you can go all out and make your stockings Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue and Purple, and wear them during Gay Pride Week. And if you pair your rainbow ripple stockings with a black micro skirt and rainbow pasties, you’re guaranteed to get your picture in the paper!

Plastic Crochet Hook Size J OR ANY SIZE WHICH WILL RESULT IN STITCH GAUGE BELOW.

GAUGE: 3 sts = 1 inch

But make sure you bring enough money to pay bail. The Fashion Police will rarely let you go with just a warning.

NOTE: Work entire sock in back loop of sts. Work in alternate rounds of Black and Scarlet. When changing colors work 1st half of st with color being used, complete st with new color. 1st ROUND: With Black ch 4, join to form ring, ch 3, work 11 d c in ring, join in top of ch 3. 2nd ROUND: Skip 1 s c 5 s c in next s c, repeat from beg all around. 3rd and 4th ROUNDS: Skip 2 s c, 1 s c in next st, 3 s c in next st, 1 s c in next st, repeat from beg all around. 5th ROUND: Skip 2 s c, 1 s c in next st, 5 s c in next st, 1 s c in next st, repeat from beg all around. 6th and 7th ROUNDS: Skip 2 s c, 1 s c in each of the next 2 sts, 3 s c in next st, 1 s c in each of the next 2 sts, repeat from beg all around. Repeat 6th and 7th rounds until there are 11 Black stripes, skip 2 s c, sl st in next st, with Black ch 12 loosely for heel section, skip 3 points, join ch, cut yarn. 21st ROUND: Skip 1 st, * 1 s c in each of next 2 sts of ch, 5 s c in next ch, 1 s c in each of next 2 sts, skip 2 sts, repeat from * all around (5 points). 22nd ROUND: * 1 s c in each of next 3 sc, 3 sc in next st, 1 s c in each of next 3 s c, skip 2 s c, repeat from * all around. Repeat last round alternating colors for 18 stripes or desired length.

See how much nicer it is when the rounds/rows are actually numbered? Sure it’s still a honking big block o’ text, but at least your eyes won’t be crossing from the endless repetitions of “NEXT ROW”.

HEEL: Attach Black at start of ch, work 1 s c in each st of ch. Place a marker, work 12 s c on other side of heel, place a marker, work 1 round even. NEXT ROUND: Work a dec each side of marker (4 dec in round). Repeat last 2 rounds once. NEXT ROUND: Work 2 s c tog all around, cut yarn leaving a length. Thread into blunt needle and draw sts tog.

The pattern editor tossed those “NEXT ROUNDS” in there just to taunt me, didn’t he? That’s okay, one day I’ll track him down and begin walking briskly in front of him in my ultra-ripple seizure-inducing socks. That’ll learn him.

Click here for the printable pattern.

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DIY - Smile! It's World Smile Day!

Today is World Smile Day! In honor of the event, I’ve crocheted up the Little Sunflower Purse and given it to the youngest member of our family, Snookums.

As the WSD motto says, “Do an act of kindness. Help one person smile!”

Hmm, Snookums isn’t smiling... Darn it! Why does that dog always look so tragic?

Let's find out:

You’d think Snookums would appreciate the fact that I crocheted this purse out of the very finest 4 ply Polypropylene Twisted Rope (1/4’’ x 100m), tenderly untwisted with my very own hands. It floats, has good shock resistance, resists rot and mildew and has a tensile strength of 900 lbs! What’s not to love?

Well, fine. Be that way, Snookums. I’ll have you know that there’s a little girl down the road who would just LOVE a purse she can also use to tie her dinghy to the dock.

Oh my.

Well! That’s definitely not in the spirit of World Smile Day!

Still, it is nice to see my work being appreciated.

Good doggy.
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