Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Your Eggs are Bipolar!

Amusing Egg Cozies from Bazaar Time, c. 1965

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Still, I think it’s in very poor taste to mock your breakfast’s diagnosis of bipolar disorder with so-called “Amusing Egg Cozies”.

Besides, first thing in the morning I’m not at all amused by the prospect of psychologically analyzing my eggs. I have enough problems that I don’t want to add to them by dealing with the angst-ridden egg on the left, nor the right hand egg’s crushing sense of ennui. As for the one in the middle, her smug little smile makes me suspect that she’s not a good egg.

But, by all means, go ahead and keep your eggs warm with these borderline personality disorder cozies. Just remember, you are what you eat.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

Amusing Egg Cozies

1 (50g) ball Patons Double Knitting in Orange Cream 254 (this will make 3 cozies). Oddments of Black, Pink, and Blue Double Knitting and oddments of felt for features.
That’s right, run-of-the-mill felt scraps and yarn remnants won’t cut it for these cozies. Only an oddment will do for an odd egg.

Pair No. 9 Milward Disc needles.

Cast on 40 sts, knit 4 rows.

Starting with a K. row, work 12 rows stocking-stitch.

1st row–*K.5, K.2 tog., rep. from * to last 5 sts., K.5 (35 sts.).
It’s this kind of flagrant overuse of periods that led to the infamous full stop shortage of 1965.
2nd and every alternate row–P.

3rd row–*K.4, K.2 tog., rep. from * to last 5 sts., K.5 (30 sts.).

5th row–*K.3, K.2 tog., rep. from * to end (24 sts.).

7th row–*K.2, K.2 tog., rep. from * to end (18 sts.).

9th row–*K.1, K.2 tog., rep. from * to end (12 sts.).
On the other hand, I’m amused by the possibility that computer programmers created a knit stitch, version K.4. For maximum performance, update your knitting needles’ software before beginning this project.
10th row–P.

Break yarn and thread through remaining sts., draw up tightly and fasten off securely. Join seam.

Features: Eyes: Black or Blue straight sts. forming a V; nose: Black satin stitch; mouth; Pink straight sts. Stick felt on for features as in photograph.

Make Black button-hole stitch loop on top of cozy.
Naturally, directions on how to do the button-hole, satin or straight stitches are not provided. All of these, along with instructions on how to stick felt for fun and profit, will be thoroughly demonstrated in your egg art therapy class.

Click here for the printable pattern.

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