Sequins Are Not Sensible Winter Wear!

Sequin Earmuffs from McCall’s Needlework & Crafts Annual, 1952

“Sequin Earmuffs. This teen-ager keeps cozy, looks glamorous on the co-old drive to the high school formal. Earmuffs are pretty, made in two pastel colors, matching sequins, or in black with silver sequins.”

This silly young lady would rather risk freezing to death than wear a hat and muss up her glamorous hair-do on the “co-old” drive to the dance. No doubt she foolishly believes that her sequined earmuffs will spare her young Charlotte’s sad fate.

But kicky earmuffs don’t do anything other than keep your ears warm while your body heat escapes out the top of your head. And the kicker is that you won’t even feel your head getting cold. Instead your hands and feet will feel chilly, while your body desperately tries to keep your vital organs alive and kicking. Then once the hypothermia kicks in, you’ll be kicking the frozen bucket in not time.

Now are you going to wear a nice, sensible winter hat?

No?

Sigh... well, don’t say Mother didn’t try to warn you!

For the complete pattern (because obviously you’re determined to go without a hat, and break your Mother’s heart):

It’s important to be firm with your sequins. If you are too permissive with them, they’ll run wild.

And the next thing you know, instead of lying flat like a good sequin, they’ll be smoking and hanging out on street corners.

So take a firm hand with your sequins, or before you know it, you’ll be starring in the next episode of “When Good Sequins Go Bad”.

Not even your perfectly lacquered red nails will save your reputation then.

SEQUIN EARMUFFS

MATERIALS: Knit-Cro-Sheen, 1 ball each aqua blue (color 178) and pink (color 46A). 1 ready-made set earmuffs.

What? You mean we’re not actually making our earmuffs from scratch?

I feel cheated!

Steel crochet hook No. 9. Flat metallic sequins, 165 to0 175 (1 1/2’’ strung) of aqua blue, 90 to 100 (1’’ strung) of pink.

String sequins on corresponding colors of thread. See General Directions for Sequin Crochet (page 52) for threading and measuring sequins.

I’ll include this part, even though we’re not really making Sequin Earmuffs. We’re just making Sequin Earmuff Cozies which isn’t nearly as exciting.

To Thread Sequins: Always thread sequins on a large sewing needle with the right side going on first. This is very important as there is a right and wrong side to sequins. Using the ball of crochet thread (suggested in the directions) thread end of cotton in a needle, the proper size to accommodate both sequins and cotton. Have the sewing needle 12 or 15 inches from end of cotton and do not push the sequins past the double thread until they are measured. A shallow box may be used as a tray for picking up and threading the sequins. A piece of white cloth draped loosely at the bottom of the box and held in place with the lid placed underneath bottom of box, will be helpful.

To Measure Sequins: Almost all flat sequins, when pushed close together, measure approximately 120 sequins to the inch. Measuring sequins this way eliminates counting them.

EARMUFF (Make 2)

Please note, this pattern is not intended for One Eared Artists.

Or Three Eared Rabbits.

With blue, ch 11.
Rnd 1: Picking up 1 lp of ch, 1 s c in 3rd ch and in each ch across, having 10 sts counting turning-ch, inc 1 s c in last ch, 2 s c in opposite side of same ch, 1 s c in 1 lp of each ch on other side of starting ch, 2 incs at end, join to turning ch-3 with sl st.
Rnd 2: Ch 3, * 1 sequin d c in next st (throw thread and sequin over hook, insert in work, take loops off hook 2 at a time behind sequin),

Whew! This is exciting stuff, after all. Watch you don’t throw your thread and sequin around too enthusiastically.

It’s all fun and crafts, until someone loses an eye.

1 d c in each of next 2 sts, repeat from * around, with incs at ends to keep work flat, join at top of ch-3 with sl st.
Rnd 3: Ch 1, s c around, increasing to keep work flat, join with sl st, break thread.
Rnd 4: Attach pink at opposite end, work same as rnd 2.
Rnd 5: Like rnd 3, but do not break thread.
Rnd 6 and 7: Like rnds 2 and 3, break thread.
Rnd 8: Attach blue, like rnd 2.
Rnd 9: S c around with no incs, join.
Rnd 10: Ch 3, picking up back lp only, 1 d c in each st around, join.
Rnd 11: Ch 1, picking up back lp only, s c around with 1 dec every 6th st, join, break thread about 1/2 yd. from work. Trim away long nap on ready-made earmuffs to make smooth and rounded.

This is not the kind of nap which you enjoy during long winter afternoons. This “nap” refers to the fuzz on any kind of fuzzy material.

In other words, if your muffs look like this, you’ll have to cut off all the fur until there’s nothing left but bare muff.

So, if you do happen to own a pair of $140 Coyote Fur Earmuffs, lined with goatskin leather, you may want to think twice about covering them with sequins.

Thread sewing needle with 1/2 yd. of thread, place crocheted pieces over earmuffs, draw thread through every other st of last row and pull thread tight. Secure thread.

HEADPIECE: With blue, ch 11.
Row 1: S c in 3rd ch and in each ch across, making 10 sts counting turning-ch, ch 3, turn.
Row 2: 1 d c in each of next 4 sts, 1 sequin d c in next st, 1 d c in next st, 1 sequin d c in next st, 1 d c in each of next 2 sts, ch 1, turn.
Row 3: S c across, ch 3, turn.
Rows 4 and 5: Like rows 2 and 3. Continue this pat for length of headpiece, which has been adjusted to desired length. End with a s c row, break thread, leave end for sewing. Sew edges of piece tog along one side of headpiece, having sequins on top side of headpiece.

Now you’re ready to join Frozen Charlotte’s skating party!

But don’t despair! Canadian poet Robert Service has a sure-fired cure to get you all warm and toasty again.

Click here for the printable pattern.

DIY - Hind's Mystery Doilies

Hind of Alexandria, Egypt is a regular contributor of DIYs, consistently amazing me with her remarkable recreations from poodle soap cozies, to TV scarves. And who can forget the time she turned a cheesy cactus cozy into a chic cushion cover?

And now she’s done it again! Twice!

Can you identify the single pattern that inspired both these elegant doilies?

Hint: These are dangerous things in the hands of peeved Parisian students.

Click here to find out:

Cobblestones!

But, you say, Hind’s beautiful doilies look so different! How can they both have been inspired by the same dismal, lumpy pattern?

I’ll let Hind explain:

This project is a reproduction of the cobblestone placemat from September 20, done twice. The bigger one is done in crochet following the written instructions (with some modifications) ,the other one is mostly knitted after having a better look at the photo close up (also with some modifications).

Interestingly, while Hind’s crocheted doily is more faithful to the original pattern, it’s her mostly knitted doily that comes closest to recreating the appearance of the cobblestone placemat.

Here’s the original. Note that despite having been ironed and starched to within an inch of its life, the motif still doesn’t lie completely flat. In fact, if you look closely, you can see the edges tenaciously trying to curl up even as the photo was taken. No doubt the bumpiness of this placemat was the inspiration for the pattern’s name.

Above, you can see Hind’s crocheted version, which not only lies flat, but is also ten times prettier!

Hind was kind enough to share her modified pattern:

Crocheted Cobblestone Doily

Rd 1 - Over a ring of 10 ch make 18 sc, join with a sl st.
Rd 2 - 1 ch and 1 sc over sl st, 6 ch, skip 2 sc, sc in next sc. Repeat 5 times. End with sl st in the first sc.
Rd 3 - 1 sl st into ch space, 1 more sl st, 6 ch, 5 dtr separated by 1 ch, 1 ch, 6 dtr separated by 1 ch (36 dtr + 36 ch = 72 stitches.) Join with sl st.
Rd 4 - Sl st into ch 1 space, ch 1, 2 sc into each ch 1 space. (72 sc st) Join with sl st.
Rd 5 – Ch 1. Make a Rd of 72 sc, with a 4 ch picot on every third sc. (24 picots)

Note - Picots are done in many ways. I used here the most simple version done over a previous round (Facing the right side of work), which is: 1 ch, 1 sc, 4 ch, look at the base of these 4 ch, the sc st has two front loops, the right one is horizontal while the left one is vertical, insert hook into both these loops, yo and pull a loop, yo make a sc (picot done), 3 sc, 4 ch repeat.

After last picot make 2 sc over the last sc of the previous rd, sl st in first st of rd 5, cut thread and weave end in. (When looking at the photo, you’ll notice that over each group of 6 dtr there 4 picots. I used the two middle picots for joining, leaving the first and the last ones as just an embellishment).

Hind recommends this great tutorial for learning how to make a picot stitch. Renovia’s photos make this one of the clearest explanations of a picot I’ve ever seen.

Join the motifs while working the fifth rd of the second motif, using the picots for joining as following: Upon reaching the second picot of any group, make only 2 ch, sl st into corresponding picot of the first complete motif. (It will be the third picot in the group of 4 picots, because both motifs’ backs are facing each other) 2 ch, make new picot, 3 sc, and other joining picot. Continue the motif.

Hind also generously shared her pattern for the doily that uses both knit and crochet stitches. I love the teeny tiny stockinette stitches!

Mostly Knitted Doily

Cast on 48 stitches.
1st row - Knit.
2nd row - Knit 2 stitches together, yarn over, knit 2 tog, yo, until the end of row, then add 1 stitch to keep the number of stitches even (48).
3rd row - Knit.
4th row - Purl.
5th row - Knit.
6th row - Purl.
7th row - (Hold knitting in left hand and crochet hook in right hand) Pick 3 knitted stitches onto the hook, one by one, pull hook through all 3 stitches, 3 ch, yo, pick next 3 knitted stitches, pull hook through them, make 1 dc, yo, repeat till the end of row. (There will be 16 dc including the starting 3 ch, and 15 spaces between them).
8th row - ' Turn work.' 15 sc in the 15 spaces, 1ch, 1 sc into the first sc to form a ring with 16 spaces.

Join the two sides as following: 2 sl st into dc, now hold both sides together, with wrong side facing you, join with slip stitches until you reach the 2nd knitted row, 2 sl st into the knitted st to keep the 'hole' intact, 2 ch, join the rest of the motif with a slip st.

Border of the motif: Turn motif to the right side, 2 sc in the 2 ch space, 1 sc between each two knitted stitches, 2 sc into each 'hole'. (The result will be 72 st).

Join the motifs while working this border as follows: 8 sc, pull the loop on hook a bit longer, take the hook out of the loop, insert hook in a back loop of the first motif. (You are holding the second 'unfinished' motif with your left hand and the first 'finished' motif with your right hand.) Pick up the long loop of the unfinished motif and pull it through the back loop already on hook, insert hook into the back loop of the first motif and make a sl st.

Join 3 more stitches in the same manner. This will make an almost invisible joining. After joining 4 stitches, work the rest of the round in sc like the first motif.

When joining the next motifs, remember that there is always a space of 8 sc between the 4 st joints.

The whole doily has a 2nd border, done like this:

Rd 1 - Make a sc and a ch st in every second sc of the previous rd. Between motifs make 3 ch, 1 sc in the third sc of next motif, repeat.
Rd 2 - (in crab st) From left to right, 1 crab st in 1 ch space of previous rd, 2 ch,1 crab st, 2 ch, repeat. In the 3 ch space between motifs make 1 crab st.

A video tutorial for crab stitch can be found near the end of this post.

And ta-da! You now have a knitted doily that’s guaranteed to have your friends and family saying, “How on earth did she do that?”

I recommend smiling and coyly claiming that you have access to secrets from the Mysterious East.

Have a Krafty Kwanzaa!

Medallion Pants Set from McCall’s Needlework & Crafts, Spring/Summer, 1973.

A beloved family curmudgeon started grumbling about Kwanzaa a few days ago.

“It’s a made-up holiday!” he growled. “We never celebrated Kwanzaa when I was a youngster!”

I pointed out to him that he’s from a small Northern town, and none of his acquaintances celebrated Hanukah or Eid, either. “But you don’t have a problem with those holidays.”

“Those holidays have the weight of tradition behind them!”

“Then what about Canadian Thanksgiving? It was the result of an Act of Parliament in 1957. Kwanzaa was first celebrated in 1966, which makes it almost as old as you are.”

“Humph! I still don’t like it!”

But just a few days ago when I accidentally interrupted one of his news programs, he said, “Hush, I’m watching this thing about Kwanzaa!”

“You’re interested in Kwanzaa?” I asked.

“I’m trying to be culturally sensitive here!”

I was tactful, and didn’t perform my victory dance in front of him.

For the complete pattern (and fun facts about Kwanzaa!):

MEDALLION PANTS SET

SIZES: Directions for size 8. Changes for sizes 10, 12 and 14 are in parentheses.
Body Bust size: 31 1/2’’ (32 1/2’’ – 34’’ – 36’’).
Blocked Bust size: 31 1/2’’ (33’’ – 35’’ – 37’’)
For Body Measurements, see page 26.

Children receive gifts of books for Kwanzaa to emphasize Africa’s ancient traditions of scholarship. In the spirit of Learning, therefore, I give you page 26.

After all, making sense of this chart will probably be a task on par with deciphering Egyptian hieroglyphs.

MATERIALS: Reynolds Parfait, (16 (16, 17, 17) 30-gram balls navy (N), 4 balls white (W), 2 balls raspberry (R), and 1 ball pink (P). Crochet hooks sizes F, G and H. (Or English sizes 8, 7 and 6.) Elastic cord. Three 1/2’’ plastic rings for buttons. Large-eyed needle.

The traditional colours of Kwanzaa are black, red and green, so you may want to substitute black for the navy yarn and green for the pink. The red yarn can stay as it is the correct color to symbolize the blood shed by the African ancestors of black Americans.

Although choosing Reynolds Raspberry Parfait for your symbolic blood could be construed as tasteless.

GAUGE: 9 dc = 2’’; 8 rows = 3’’ (size G hook); medallion = 8 1/2’’ diameter (size H hook). See page 22.

See below! Another Kwanzaa gift to enhance your intellect!

Wow, that’s the most anal retentive gauge checking procedure I’ve ever seen. Just look at all those pins!

But now we know what really destroyed the Ancient Egyptian civilization. The gauge on their pyramids was all wrong.

To Bind Off: At beg of row, ch 1, sl st loosely across specified number of sts; at end of row, leave specified number of sts unworked.
To Dec 1 Dc: At beg of row, ch 3 (counts as 1 dc), sk firsts dc, yo hook, draw up a lp in each of next 2 sts, yo hook and through 2 lps, yo and through 3 lps, work in pat across; at end of row, work to last 2 sts, yo hook, draw up a lp in each of next 2 sts, yo and through 2 lps, yo and through 3 lps.
To Inc 1 St: Work 2 dc in same dc.

PANTS: RIGHT LEG: (Left-handed crocheters: This will be your left leg.) Beg at lower edge, with N and size G hook, ch 96 (101 – 106 – 111).

I think making accommodations for lefties is very much in the spirit of Kwanzaa.

Row 1 (mark for right side): Dc in 4th ch from hook and in each ch across – 94 (99 – 104 – 109) dc, counting turning ch as 1 dc. Turn each row.
Row 2: Ch 3 (counts as 1 dc), sk first dc, dc in each dc across – 94 (99 – 104 – 109) dc. Repeat row 2 until piece measures 30’’ from start or desired length to crotch, end wrong side. Mark end of last row for front edge. (Note: On left leg, mark beg of last row for front edge.) Check gauge; piece should measure 21’’ (22’’ – 23’’ – 24’’) wide.
Shape Crotch: Bind off (see To Bind Off) 5 (5 – 5 – 6) sts at front edge, 8 (8 – 9 – 9) sts at back edge of next row. Dec 1 st each side every other row 6 times, then dec 1 st at back edge every other row 5 times – 64 (69 – 73 – 77) sts. Work even until piece measures 10’’ above first row of crotch shaping.
Shape Back Waistline: Bind off 20 sts at front edge of next 2 rows – 24 (29 – 33 – 37) sts. End off.

After all, the seven principles of Kwanzaa are Self Determination, Purpose, Creativity, Unity , Cooperative Work and Responsibility, Cooperative Economics, and Faith.

With all that creative cooperation going on, there’s no way the lefties will be left out of all the fun!

LEFT LEG: Work same as for right leg, noting changes and reversing shaping.

TOP: BACK: Beg at lower edge, with N and size G hook, ch 65 (69 – 73 – 77). Work as for right leg on 63 (67 – 71 – 75) dc until piece measures 3’’ from start. Check gauge: piece should measure 14’’ (15’’ – 16’’ – 17’’) wide. Inc 5 dc (see To Inc 1 Dc) evenly spaced across next row – 68 (72 – 76 – 80) dc. Work even until piece measures 7’’ from start, end wrong side.
Shape Armholes: Bind off 3 (3 – 4 – 4) sts each side of next row. Dec 1 st each side every row 9 (10 – 10 – 11) times – 44 (46 – 48 – 50) dc.
Divide for Back Opening: Work 22 (23 – 24 – 25) sts, drop yarn; with another strand of N, make lp on hook, dc in next st and in each st across – 22 (23 – 24 – 25) dc each side. Working on both sides at once, with separate strands of N, work even until armholes measure 6 3/4’’ (7’’ – 7 1/4’’ – 7 1/2’’) above first row of armhole shaping.
Shape Shoulders: Bind off 11 (12 – 13 – 14) dc at each armhole edge of next row. End off.

Fun fact: Kwanzaa was created in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga, who is not only still around, but has his own website! How cool is that?

FRONT: Work same as for back until piece measures 3’’ from start – 63 (67 – 71 – 75) dc. Inc 11 dc evenly spaced across next row – 74 (78 – 82 – 86) dc. Work even until piece measures 7’’ from start, end wrong side. Check gauge; piece above inc row should measure 16 1/2’’ (17 1/4’’ – 18 1/4’’ – 19’’) wide.
Shape Armholes: Bind off 6 (6 – 7 – 7) sts each side of next row. Dec 1 st each side every row 9 (10 – 10 – 11) times – 44 (46 – 48 – 50) sts. Work even until armholes measure 4 1/2’’ above first row of armhole shaping.
Shape Neck: Work 17 (18 – 19 – 20) sts, drop yarn, sk next 10 dc; with another strand of N, make lp on hook, dc in next st, finish row – 17 (18 – 19 – 20) dc each side. Working on both sides at once, with separate strands of N, dec 1 st each neck edge every row 6 times – 11 (12 – 13 – 14) dc each side. Work even until armholes measure same as back. End off.

I’d love to be able to email the Ancient Roman bureaucrat who decided New Year’s Day would be on January 1st. What was wrong with March 1st? Doesn’t it make more sense to start the New Year at the beginning of Spring, when everything’s new, rather than in the dead of Winter?

Er, yes, curmudgeonly-ness runs in my family.

Why do you ask?

MEDALLIONS (make 10): Beg at center, and W and size H hook, ch 6. Join with a sl st to form ring.
Rnd 1: Ch 4 (counts as 1 tr), 15 tr in ring – 16 tr. Join with sl st in top of ch 4. End off.
Rnd 2: With R, make lp on hook, (2 tr, ch 1, 2 tr) in sp between any 2 tr, * sk 2 tr, (2 tr, ch 1, 2 tr) in next sp, repeat from * around; join with a sl st in first tr – 8 groups of 4 tr. End off.
Rnd 3: With P, make lp on hook, (2 tr, ch 1, 2 tr) in any ch-1 sp, * tr in sp between groups of 4 tr, work (2 tr, ch 1, 2 tr) in next ch-1 sp, repeat from * around, end tr in sp between groups of 4tr, sl st in first tr. End off.
Rnd 4: With W, make lp on hook, (2 tr, ch 1, 2 tr) in any ch-1 sp, * sk next 2 tr, (tr, ch 1, tr) in next tr, (2 tr, ch 1, 2 tr) in next ch-1 sp, repeat from * around, end sk next 2 tr, (tr, ch 1, tr) in next tr, sl st in first tr. End off.
Rnd 5: With R, make lp on hook, (2 tr, ch 1, 2 tr) in any ch-1 sp, * (2 tr, ch 1, 2 tr) in next ch-1 sp, repeat from * around, end sl st in first tr. End off.
Rnd 6: With W, make lp on hook, hdc in each tr and ch-1 sp around, end sl st in first hdc. End off.

Important Warning: Do not get your kinara mixed up with your menorah! Some people get very upset about that kind of thing.

How can you tell the difference?

This is a kinara!

Sure, menorahs sometimes have just seven candles in a row, but they are rarely red, black and green, and they absolutely never have a gold “Kwanzaa” carved into their base.

PANTS BORDER TRIM (make 2): One size fits all: border will stretch to fit. With W and size H hook, ch 97. Work same as for right leg for 2 tows – 95 dc. End off; turn.
Row 3: With R, make lp on hook, sk first 2 dc, (2 tr, ch 1, 2 tr) in next dc, * sk 4 dc, (2 tr, ch 1, 2 tr) in next dc, repeat from * across – 19 groups of 4 tr. End off; do not turn.
Row 4: With W, make lp on hook, dc in first tr at beg of row 3, dc in each tr and ch-1 sp across – 95 dc. End off; turn.
Row 5: With P, make lp on hook, hdc in each dc across. End off; turn.
Row 6: With R, make lp on hook, hdc in first hdc, * ch 1, sk next hdc, hdc in next hdc, repeat from * across. End off; turn.
Row 7: With W, make lp on hook, 2 dc in first ch-1 sp and in each ch-1 sp across. End off.
Neckband Border Trim: With W and side H hook, ch 72 loosely.
Row 1: Dc in 4th ch from hook and in each ch across – 70 dc, counting turning ch as 1 dc. Ch 3, turn.
Row 2: Sk first dc, * dec 1 dc over next 2 dc, dc in next dc, dec 1 dc over next 2 dc, dc in each of next 2 dc, repeat from * across, end last repeat dc in last dc – 50 dc. End off; turn.
Row 3: Work same as for pants border trim – 10 groups of 4 tr.
Rows 4 – 7: Work same as for pants border trim.
Top Border Trim (make 2): With W and size H hook, ch 67.
Row 1: Dc in 4th ch from hook and in each ch across – 65 dc.
Rows 2 – 7: Work same as for pants border trim.

The younger members of my family have all been taught in school that Kwanzaa is an “African Canadian” celebration. And you thought only Americans committed cultural appropriation!

But hey, if we’re helping ourselves to this holiday, then we need to go all the way and make it a Cold Weather Kwanzaa.

FINISHING: Block pieces (see page 25).

And here is the text from page 25!

I wonder if the Kwanzaa penguin brings gifts to good little bloggers?

To Block Knitwear: Smooth pieces out, wrong side up, on a padded surface. Using rustproof pins, place pins at top and bottom of each piece, measuring to insure correct length. Pin sides of piece to correct width. Place pins all around outer edges, keeping patterns straight. Do not pin ribbings. For flat pressing technique (stockinette st, flat rows of crochet, other smooth surfaces): Cover with damp cloth. Lower iron gently, allowing steam to penetrate knitted fabric. Do not press down hard or hold iron in one place long enough to dry out pressing cloth. Do not slide iron over surface. For steaming technique (mohair and other fluffy yarns, raised pattern stitches): Support weight of iron in your hand;

Ouch!

...hold as close as possible to piece without touching it and move slowly over entire piece, making sure steam penetrates knitting. If yarn is extra heavy, use a spray iron or wet pressing cloth to provide extra steam. When blocked pieces are dry, remove pins and sew garment together. Steam-press seams from wrong side, using a steam iron or damp cloth and dry iron.

We now return you to your Kwanzaa Kraft Extravaganza already in progress.

Pants: Pin border trim across lower edge of each leg; sew in place. Pin 4 medallions to center of each leg, first medallion at top of border trim; sew medallions in place.
Sew front, back and crotch seams; sew leg seams.
Waistband: From right side, with N and size F hook, work 1 rnd hdc around upper edge of pants; join with a sl st in first sc.
Rnd 2: Working over elastic cord, sc in each st around. Adjust elastic to waist measurement; drop elastic.
Rnd 3: Hdc in each sc around.
Rnd 4: Repeat Rnd 2. End off. Fasten elastic securely.
Steam-press lightly.
Top: Block pieces. Sew side and shoulder seams.
Neckband: From right side, with N and size H hook, work 5 rows dc across neck edge, holding in to desired fit. Pin neck border trim over neckband; sew in place.
From right side, with N and size F hook, work 1 rnd sc around each armhole edge, holding in to desired fit.
Pin 2 pieces of border trim around lower edge of top; join side edges; sew in place. Pin a medallion to center front and back; sew in place.

And speaking of Kwanzaa Krafts, a mere pantsuit isn’t nearly enough bling for this season. You need some festive handcrafts to go with it.

BUTTONS (make 3): With N and size F hook, work sc tightly around plastic ring; join with a sl st in first sc. End off, leaving a long end; thread needle. Turn sts to center of ring; draw sts tog. With N, work 1 row sc around back neck opening, working 3 ch-2 lps evenly spaced on neck border on left side of opening. Sew buttons opposite lps.

Make one of these Hamsa Good Luck Hands, and I guarantee that the Burt Reynolds wannabe who crashed your Kwanzaa party will back right off.

She’s thinking, all I have to do is pull out my Hamsa hand and this jive turkey’s going to wet his polyester pants.

Click here for the printable pattern.

DIY - Merry Festive Skull-ghan!

Do you recognize this motif?

Perhaps this will help jog your memory:

Yes, De’Anna took the motif from a tacky, seventies-era Halloween Pillow and constructed a gorgeously goth afghan for her son.

I’ll bet he was a lot happier with his handmade Christmas present than poor little Mikey!

For another pic of De’Anna’s awesome afghan:

 

After all, what boy wouldn’t love sleeping under a pile of festively bloody skulls?

Case in point, when I showed this picture to my twelve year old son, he said, “Oh, cool! It’s like dice!”

“Dice?” I asked.

“Yeah, see? Skull, skull, skull, skull... I bet if you folded that blanket up right, you could make a cube!”

Okay, De’Anna may find her son gambling with this afghan, instead of sleeping under it. But either way, this present won Jack Skellington’s Coolest Christmas Gift Evah award!

Congratulations, De’Anna! While there’s no actual prize attached to the above award, don’t let that stop you from leaving your acceptance speech below.

Just don’t forget to thank your Mother.

Happy Boxing Day!

Sports Pillows from Gifts Galore, 1977.

“For Heaven’s sake, Mikey, stop crying!”

“B-b-but I wanted a baseball mitt!” Seven year old Mikey choked out between sobs. “A-a-nd a football for Christmas!”

“And that’s what you got!” Carol pointed at the two sport pillows she’d spent hours crocheting. “Handmade by your loving mother, no less!”

“But I – I wanted a real mitt a-and football!” Mikey wailed.

“Oh.” With a sigh, Carol lit a cigarette. “Well, kiddo, I wanted to get a romantic gift from Daddy, and look what I found under the tree.”

“But it’s not fair,” Mikey whimpered.

“As Grandma says, if life was fair, Elvis would be alive, and all his impersonators would be dead. She never got what she wanted for Christmas either.

“Now be a good boy, Mikey, and be grateful that you got at least one item from your Christmas list.”

For the complete pattern (and more Boxing Day snark!):

SPORT PILLOWS

For readers unfamiliar with Boxing Day, December 26th is a traditional time to give to the poor, shop like a maniac, and discreetly return unwanted gifts to stores.

Materials:
SUSAN BATES® or
MARCIA LYNN® Crochet Hook
Size I-9 or size to give gauge

Hey, it’s SUSAN® and MARCIA LYNN®! You might remember them from such posts as See Dick. Run, Jane, Run! and I Suspect Tom’s a Dick too.

In the 1970s, SUSAN® and MARCIA LYNN® were America’s two most famous hookers! Er, I mean, women couldn’t get enough of S® & M®’s needle play!

Really trust me on this one, do NOT search needle play in Google Images.

Knitting Worsted Weight Yarn

Taupe (A)—2 oz. for Baseball Mitt
3 1/2 oz. for Football
Black (B)—1 1/2 oz. for Baseball Mitt
1 oz. for Football
Brown (C)—2 1/2 oz. for Baseball Mitt
White (D)—1/2 oz. for Football

Polyester or Cotton for Stuffing

C’mon it’s 1977. The obvious choice is polyester!

GAUGE: 4 sts = 1”, 4 rows = 1”

FOOTBALL

SECTIONS: Make 4. With A ch 2, sc in 2nd ch from hk, ch 1 to turn all rows.

Hk means hook, not haiku. But I wrote one for you anyway:

White Travolta suit
Forgot to dry clean only
Now stuffing for mitt

Row 2: 2 sc in sc.

Row 3: Sc across inc’ing 1 st at end of row. Rep Row 3 until there are 18 sts. Work even until piece measures 9” from beg.

Next Row: Sc across dec’ing 1 st at end of row. Rep last row until 1 st rems.

Rems means remains not REM sleep. But feel free to dream that a child would be happy to receive a sports pillow. The pattern designer did!

Tie off. With B work 1 row sc around outside edge working 3 scs on ea end.

FINISHING: With B and wrong sides tog, join sections tog with sl st forming ridge and stuff.

STRIPES: Make 2.

Gee, thanks. That’s helpful.

Oh wait, there’s more!

With D ch 5, sc in 2nd ch from hk and in ea ch across, ch 1 to turn all rows.

Row 2: Sc in each sc. Rep Row 2 for 14 1/2”. Tie off. Sew on ea end of football 2 1/2” from point.

Yes, that’s right, you’re to sew on the stripes. Let’s face it, you’re hung over from dancing all night at the disco, and just not up to the challenge of crocheting real stripes.

CENTER BAND:With D ch 19. Work same as stripes for 1 1/4”. Center over seam of football and sew in place.

LACING: With D make a ch to measure 18”. Make 6 rows of lacing evenly spaced by weaving ch thru st in center of band. Extend the 1st lacing 1/2” on ea side, the 2nd 3/4”, and the 3rd 1”. Reverse the last 3 rows.

Although, to be fair, it is sensible to do the lacing separately.

BASEBALL MITT

WRIST AND THUMB SECTION: Make 2. With A ch 9.

Row 1: Sc in 2nd ch from hk and in ea st across inc’ing 1st st at end for wrist edge (mark for wrist),

I’m all for short forms, but my first through I read “ch from hick and in east across icing first st”. Which is the sort of instruction I only expect from Crochet World.

ch 1 to turn all rows. Continue in sc inc’ing 1 st at same edge every row 3 times – 12 sts. Work even for 6½” from beg, end at wrist edge. Mark last row.

Shape Thumb: Next Row: Dec 1 st, work to last st, inc 1 st. Rep last row every 4th row and at the same dec 1 st at the same edge every 3rd row 6 times – 6 sts.

Next 2 Rows: Dec 1 st ea end – 2 sts. Tie off.

Which is lovely publication that can totally take a joke, and won’t sue me for copyright infringement in retribution.

Right?

HAND AND FINGER SECTION: Make 2. With C ch 25, sc in 2nd ch from hk and in ea st across, ch 1, turn.

Row 2: Sc in ea sc, ch 7, turn.

Row 3: Rep Row 1—30 sts. Work even until piece measures 2 1/4”, end at ch 7 edge, ch 1, turn.

INDEX FINGER: * Sc in next 6 sc, ch 1, turn. Rep from * for 4”, then dec 1 st ea end of next 2 rows—2 sts. Tie off.

MIDDLE AND RING FINGER: Sk 1 st of last long row then work same as Index Finger.

I suspect the designer thought people like me would snigger if she’d listed the middle finger instructions on their own.

Good call.

LITTLE FINGER: Sk 1 st of long row, with A sc in last 9 sts, ch 1, turn. Rep last row for 3 3/4”, then dec 1 st ea end of next 3 rows. Tie off.

FINISHING: With B and right side facing work 1 row sc around all pieces. Sew wrist section to hand section by matching 25 foundation sts of hand along side of wrist section to shaping, then ease inc’d sts of wrist along ch 7 of hand.

Oh yeah, because all that finishing is soooo much easier than crocheting the mitt all in one piece.

Sew tog bet fingers, stuff, and finish sewing all around.

Sew together stuff? Now that’s a helpful direction if I’ve ever read one.

LACING: Make 2. With B make a ch 20” long. Lace the 4 fingers together forming a cross bet ea finger on both sides.

As is clearly illustrated in the picture.

Not.

INSERT: With C ch 2, sc in 2nd ch from hk, ch 1 to turn all rows.

Row 2: Work thru back lp only, work 3 sc in sc. Continue to work thru back lp, inc 1 st ea side every 3rd row until there are 15 sts. With B work 1 row sc around working 3 sc in ea corner. Sew insert in place bet thumb and index finger easing side to fit.

Et voila! Two gifts your hapless children, godchildren, nieces and nephews cannot return to a store for exchange or store credit!

And if the kids won’t stop whining about the 1977 pressies you inflicted upon them; then just threaten them with this spacey 1977 Christmas special.

After all, what kid wouldn’t prefer to play with a sports pillow than get abducted by aliens on Christmas Eve after being harassed by bullies... oh, never mind.

Click here for the printable pattern.

Merry Christmas!

Jesus and His Family from Crochet World Special Issue No. 6, 1984

Donna Jean Nyhus, the author of this pattern, writes:

“Little five year-old Paul was examining the Nativity set I had displayed for our family Christmas. With intense interest he studied the walnut shell that served as a crib for the Christ Child.”

OMG, Baby Jesus is sleeping in a walnut shell! That’s so unspeakably adorable!

But using matches for the legs of a flammable manger? I don’t think Smokey the Bear would approve.

“He never touched the figures of Mary and Joseph, but his expression moved each one a little closer to the Baby lying in the crib.”

Wow, young Paul’s got superpowers – he can move objects with his eyes!

“Unable to contain his concern another minute, he said, ‘Grandma, why don’t they pick Him up?’”

‘Because they’re terrified you’re going to wish them into the cornfield, grandson.’

I shouldn’t tease Paul on Christmas Day. Obviously, he’s a good boy who doesn’t touch Grandma’s crèche without permission. I was a bad girl who stole Jesus out of our Nativity set so he could go for camel rides with the Three Kings. Consequently, our Jesus has a few dents and dings now.

“That prompted my new Nativity set with flexible arms and a removeable Baby. Now both Mary and Joseph can hold the Child close, reminding Him that even though there was no room in the Inn, there’s room in their hearts!”

Awwwww! Hugs for everyone!

Even Smokey the Bear.

For the complete pattern (and more Christmas Love):

JESUS AND HIS FAMILY

By Donna Jean Nyhus

MATERIALS:
3-ply sport yarn: green, peach, black, blue
Crewel needle

A crewel needle, AKA an embroidery needle, has a longer eye. This allows you to use it with thicker threads and lightweight yarns.

Alas, not even the largest crewel needle eye will accommodate a camel.

Firm cardboard
2 sm shank buttons

Shank buttons have a little metal loop on their backs, instead of holes to sew them on. I’m assuming that the sweet little heart right in the middle of Baby Jesus’ baby blue romper is a shank button.

2 pipe cleaners
Plastic foam balls 2 – 1’’
Walnut shell
5 farmers matches

Farmers matches are just plain ol’ strike anywhere wooden matches. I don’t know if farmers still use them, but they’re popular with campers as they can survive a bit of water and still strike reliably. Joseph might actually have preferred a set of these instead of the myrrh.

After all, myrrh was traditionally used to anoint the bodies of dead kings, and was therefore a symbolic rather than a useful gift. Not to mention, the original downer Christmas gift.

“Uh, yeah, sorry your kid’s gonna sacrifice himself for the good of all humanity. Um, congratulations? Here, have some myrrh!”

Craft glue
Metallic gold chenille stem
Crochet hook size 0, 1 and 4

But let’s not dwell on that today. I’d rather go all mushy over the way Baby Jesus’ hair sticks straight up from his head. He’s so darn cute!

I’m SO making this crèche next Christmas!

HEAD

With size 4 hook and peach yarn, ch 2.
RND 1: 4 sc in 2nd ch from hook, do not join rnds.
RND 2: 2 sc in each st around. (8 st)
RND 3: * 2 sc in next st, sc in next st, rep from * around. (12 st)
RND 4: Sc in each st around.
RND 5: * Dec over next 2 st, rep from * until 6 st remain.
RND 6: Sl st in next st, and catch opposite side, at same time bringing Head tog in center. Fasten off.

I mean, who doesn’t love babies? Okay, maybe not King Herod. Wow, this holiday really has a dark side, doesn’t it?

But hey, look! Babies!

BODY

RND 8: With main color, attach yarn in sl st, ch 6, sl st in 1st ch.

No, I didn’t miss anything. This pattern jumps straight from RND 6 to RND 8.

But don’t let that dissuade you from attempting Donna Jean’s pattern. Remember, all you need is faith!

RND 9: Ch 1, 12 sc in ring. Join with sl st. (Buttonhole formed)
RND 10: * Ch 5, 2 sc in 2nd ch from hook, 2 sc in each of next 3 st, sl st in next 3 st on Body, rep from * around. Fasten off leaving enough yarn to secure Head to Body.

Wait, you mean the Body’s not already attached to the Head? There really is a missing seventh round?

In order to finish this pattern successfully, faith alone may not be enough. You may also need a miracle.

HAIR

With dark yarn: Fasten 4 strands to top of Head and cut short.

Good thing, ‘tis the season for miracles.

HALO

Fashion halo from gold metallic chenille stem by making a 1’’ circle leaving tail long enough to insert into Head.

I thoroughly approve of a dark haired Jesus. And the tinsel halo is hilarious, even if inserting it into his head is a bit disturbing and possibly blasphemous. Although, now I know why Baby Jesus’ hair is standing on end.

MARY AND JOSEPH

HEAD

With 0 hook and tan yarn, ch 2.

RND 1: 6 sc in 2nd ch from hook, do not join rnds.
RNDS 2 & 3: 2 sc in each st around.
RNDS 4 – 6: Sc in each st around.
RND 7: * Dec over next 2 st, rep from * until 16 st remain.
RND 8: Insert foam ball and sc next 2 st tog until 9 st remain.
RND 9: Sc in each of the 9 st, sl st in next st. Fasten off. Attach body color.

BODY

RND 9: Ch 1, sc in same st, 2 sc in each st around. (18 st)

Oh my. This time we end with Round 9, and then start right up again with another Round 9. At least the instructions seem to make sense, if you ignore the numbering system.

RND 10 – 12: Sc in each st around.
RND 13: * Sc in next st, 2 sc in next st, rep from * around.
RND 14: Sc in each st around.
RND 15: Sk 6 st, sc in next 6 st, sk 6 st, sc in next 6 st.
RND 16: 2 sc in each sc around.

MARY:

RNDS 17 – 31: Sc in each st around, sl st in last st. (Mark beginning of rnds.)

Isn’t it a bit late to tell us to start marking the beginning of our rounds NOW? Surely that’s an instruction that would have been a lot more handy before Round 9, when even Donna Jean lost count.

Oh well, mind-bending assembly instructions are a Christmas tradition, right?

RND 32: In BACK LPS: * Dec over next 2 st, sc in next st, rep from * around. Do not fasten off.

JOSEPH:

RNDS 17 – 33: Rep Rnd 17 of Mary.
RND 34: Rep Rnd 32 of Mary.

ARMS

Arms are made in one piece; the end represent the Hands.
With tan, ch 25.

Hey, I just noticed that Tan yarn isn’t included in the list of required colours at the beginning. Still, I’m not complaining. It’s a much better skin tone for our Middle Eastern family than Peach would have been.

And thank goodness none of them are Pink!

RND 1: Sc in 2nd ch from hook and in each ch across, ch 1, turn.
ROWS 2 & 3: Sc in each st across, ch 1, turn. Fasten off after Rnd 3, leaving long end for sewing.
Lay a pipe cleaner on work and draw piece together around cleaner.
Bend pipe cleaner in half. Push one end of Arm through Sleeve opening, push folded center up into Neck. Pull Arm back through other Sleeve opening. Stuff Body firmly, working around the pipe cleaner in the Bodice. Insert a 1 1/2’’ circle of cardboard in Bottom.

BOTTOM OF BODY: RND 33: (Mary) * Dec over next 2 st, sc in next 3 st, rep from * until 1/4’’ hole remains. Fasten off; but do not close.

RND 35: (JOSEPH) Repeat Rnd 33 for Mary.

Hey, how come Joseph gets ALL CAPS, while Mary is relegated to lowercase letters? I know she’s meek and mild, but c’mon, she just gave birth today! She deserves more respect!

STAND

MARY

That’s better!

In FRONT LPS of RND 31: Join yarn, ch 3, dc in same st, 2 dc in each st around, sl st to beginning ch-3. Fasten off.

JOSEPH

Rep Stand as for Mary’s in Rnd 33.

Of course, it’s completely understandable that Joseph might need the ego boost of ALL CAPS.

FINISHING

Stitch Arms to Sleeves. With double strand of contrasting yarn: thread through sts at Waistline. For Mary: tie Belt in bow, leaving long tails. For Joseph: tie loosely in a knot.

Embroider Face and attach Hair.

Wait, don’t attach the hair yet! There’s more hair instructions to come.

Sew button to front of Bodice: one on Mary, one on Joseph. Attach Baby Jesus to button and position Arms.

Ah ha! Baby Jesus is buttoned to Mary’s chest. While I admire the ingenuity of the design, I do wonder what little five-year-old Paul’s opinion was.

“Grandma? Why’d you put a big hole in Baby Jesus?”

HAIR

Cut cardboard piece 3’’ wide for Mary’s longer Hair; 2’’ wide for Joseph’s Hair. Wrap yarn around cardboard 20 times. With threaded needle, sew strands loosely together before removing cardboard. Cut along one side; position on head, so that sewed line become center part. Sew onto Head securely.

Pull Mary’s Hair back, and tie with same color yarn as Belt.

Sew Joseph’s Hair around Head at base of skull.

I’m completely in love with Joseph’s long hippie hair and cool Seventies ‘Tash.

It’s just the thing to wear to church on Christmas Day!

CRIB

Make Crib by crossing 2 matches at center, with burned tips at top.

I presume this means you should light all the matches and blow them out before you use them as a crib support. Probably a good plan. It’d be a real shame if Baby Jesus’s crib accidentally burned down the house on Christmas Day.

Rep for other 2 matches. Glue at crossing. Glue 5th match between forks of crosses at bottom. Allow to dry thoroughly. Glue walnut shell to V, formed by Stand. Fill with shredded yarn for hay.

Shredded hay and matches! I was right, Smokey the Bear would close down this crèche as a fire hazard.

Have yourself a Very Safe and Very Merry Christmas, with song, good food, family and friends!

Click here for the printable pattern.

This is Not a Christmas Stocking!

Christmas Stocking from Mon Tricot Knit & Crochet, December 1975

Because no one in their right mind would hang up this travesty on Christmas Eve!

For those of you not in your right mind, let me break it to you gently. Disco Santa isn’t real. He will not be doing the hustle down your chimney in a red polyester leisure suit. And no matter how good you’ve been, the real Santa’s not going to fill the above stocking with pet rocks, CB radios, and a Burt Reynolds centerfold.

But V.D., you protest, people in the 1970s believed in Disco Santa. Shouldn’t we respect their beliefs?

Absolutely not! People in the seventies were brainwashed by evil interior decorators into colouring their world in yowling yellow and obnoxious orange. James Lileks wrote it, I believe it, and that settles it.

So, if you want your Christmas stocking to gladden Santa’s heart, you better choose a more modern crochet pattern.

sob

For the complete travesty pattern:

Christmas Stocking

materials

RUG YARN: Nineteen 50 gr. balls of Tapis Pingouin (28 yards per 50 gr. ball) distributed as follows: Seven 50 gr. balls in Red: Seven 50 gr. balls in Orange: Five 50 gr. balls in Yellow.

I’m surprised the designer actually allowed Christmassy red in this stocking. Although, to experience a real 1970s Christmas, you’ll have to ditch the red and go with avocado green.

See group Novelty Yarns on page 7.

Tapis Pingouin no longer exists, and I hardly think you need a list of thirteen other extinct Bulky Novelty Yarns.

Crochet Hook size Q.

sizes

Height: 29”

Length of sole:17”

Sadly, many Pingouins were hunted into extinction during the 1970s.

stitches used: 1. Chain (ch). 2. Slip Stitch (sl st). 3. Single Crochet (sc). (See basic stitches on page 8).

Sorry, I forgot to scan page 8. I was too choked up by my memories of baby Pingouins being clubbed to death just so disco divas could crochet with rug yarn.

4. Striped Single Crochet: work *3 rows Red: 3 rows Orange: 3 rows Yellow*.

The bizarre use of colons throughout this pattern makes me feel kinda bad for picking on Grace Burrell’s abuse of semi-colons.

BTW, please take my word for it and don’t search colon abuse on Google Images.

OUR ADVICE

To give a good support to the boot, slip a cardboard inside, cut in the same shape as the crocheted sole.

MY ADVICE.

Cut cardboard first, then slip cardboard inside the boot. Unless you really want to spend Christmas wrapped up in bandages.

directions

With Red chain 60 and work in Striped Single Crochet, shaping the chevrons on every row as follows: *4 sc, 2 sc in next st, 4 sc, skip 1 st, repeat from * across. Chain 1 to turn and skip the first st.

Work 39 rows even. Then with Orange for instep, chain 5 at beg. and end of next row and work even the 2nd and 3rd rows.

Next row: With Yellow, pick up 4 sts on the 2 previous Orange rows and with Yellow work the 2nd and 3rd rows shaping one chevron.

On first Red row, chain 5 at beg. and end of row. With Red work 2nd and 3rd rows.

On first Orange row, with Orange pick up 4 sts on the 2 previous Red rows, and with Orange work the 2nd and 3rd rows shaping one chevron.

Thank goodness, the pattern editor took the time to capitalize the names of the colours!

With Yellow work next 3 rows even. With Red work next 3 rows even.

Next row: with Orange: leave unworked 4 sts at beg. and end of row: with Orange work 2 more rows. Fasten off.

Whereas, taking the time to count the rows – instead of providing multiple 2nd, 3rd, and Next rows – well, that wouldn’t have been useful at all.

sole

With Orange chain 8. Work sc increasing 1 st at beg. and end of row, every other row (6 times).

Work 11 rows Orange: 13 rows Red: 15 rows Orange. At same time beginning on 12th row, decrease 2 sts every other row (twice). Fasten off.

It’s possible that snarking at vintage patterns is naughty, but I’m not worried about getting coal in my stocking. I have it on very good authority that Santa now supports coal-free Christmases.

finishing:

To close the boot, (wrong side facing), with Red work 1 row sl st inserting hook through both thicknesses. (right side facing) with Yellow, work 1 row sl st to hide the seam. Sew sole to boot. With Red chain 16 inserting the first st in the top at the back of boot and work 1 row sl st on these ch-16. Join with sl st to first ch.

Now hang your retro 1970s stocking if you dare!

Just remember, if you inspire Santa to go to a disco, you’ll be responsible for breaking a lot of kiddies’ hearts on Christmas morn.

Click here for the printable pattern.

'Tis the Season!

Pixie Loop Stitch Hat from “Bangle Hats”, 1962

I don’t believe this is a Pixie Loop Stitch Hat. Why?

Because these are vintage Pixies...

And this is a 1960s Christmas tree!

I don’t know about you, but that Loop Stitch hat doesn’t make me think of Pixies. It reminds me of the time I drank spiked eggnog and woke up with a Christmas wreath on my head.

Good times.

However, if you’d rather not spend the weekend picking pine tar out of your hair, this crocheted hat is the perfect Recession-friendly accessory to wear to your office Christmas party! Assuming your company is still planning to host one, that is.

For the complete pattern (and more seasonal snark):

PIXIE LOOP STITCH HAT

MATERIALS REQUIRED:
Knitting Worsted: 4 oz.
300 WALCO Bangles
Crochet Hook, Size J (9)

I recommend dark green yarn and bright red bangles for that authentically Christmassy look.

However, you may have some difficulty tracking down one WALCO bangle, let alone 300 of them. These days, “bangle” is another word for bracelet, and Walco is a company that sells agricultural equipment.

Now, I’m not saying a tractor can’t be festive...

But I don’t recommend wearing it on your head.

GAUGE: 5 sc = 2’’.

NOTE: Thread BANGLES on wool.

BANGLES is capitalized so that you don’t accidentally thread BEADS or BAUBLES or BABIES on your wool instead.

Babies especially tend to object to these sorts of careless errors.

Round 1: BANGLE LOOP STITCH – Ch 3, join with a sl st to form ring, side facing you is wrong side of hat, *slide a BANGLE close to work, wind yarn around index finger of left hand forming loop, insert hook in ring, bring hook under strand of yarn and draw thru ring, drop loop from finger and hold down on right side of work, yarn over hook and pull thru 2 loops on hook; repeat from * 5 times more – 6 Bangle Loop Stitches.

If you do choose to wear this hat to your office Christmas party, just be sure to brush up on the rules of etiquette first. After all, the line between fun-loving gal and complete flake is a thin one, especially when you’re wearing a Christmas tree on your head.

Round 2: Work a Bangle Loop st in each st – 6 loop sts. Repeat last round once.
Round 4: INCREASE ROUND: *Work 2 sc in each sc around – 12 sc.
Round 5: Work a Bangle Loop st in each sc – 12 loop sts.
Round 6: Work 1 sc in each st around – 12 sc.
Round 7: Same as Round 5.
Round 8: Same as Round 4 – 24 sc.
Round 9: Work a Loop st in each sc, putting a BANGLE in every other loop st – 12 bangle loop sts, 12 plain loop sts.

But hey, even if you do end up humiliated in front of your boss, your office crush, and the janitor, you can still console yourself with the fact that your company’s solvent enough to host parties.

Round 10: *2 sc in next sc, 1 sc in next sc: repeat from * 36 sc.
Round 11: Same as Round 9 – 36 loop sts.
Round 12: 1 sc in each st around – 36 sc.
Round 13: 1 Loop st in every st, a Bangle in every other Loop st – 18 Bangle Loop sts, 18 plain loop sts.
Round 14: Same as Round 10 – 54 sc.
Round 15: Work a Loop st in each sc around, a bangle in every other loop.
Round 16: Work 1 sc in each sc around – 54 sc.

Work as for last 2 rounds until end of 34th round, TURN, work 1 round of sc, join and break off. Turn under last round of hat and sew to left side.

Just remember, the last time we experienced an economic downturn this bad, Mickey had to sell Pluto to a family of Capitalist Pigs!

Things don’t look so bad now, do they?

Click here for the printable pattern.