Run, run as fast as you can!

Gingerbread Man Toy from Jiffy Knits, 1965

Poor Gingerbread Man!. If only he’d been born as Suicide Food, then he would happily offer himself up for our consumption instead of trying to run for his life.

To ensure your children never forget the tragedy of the Gingerbread Man, you can now immortalize him in knitting. The smile on his face symbolizes his undying optimism, even as his round, horrified eyes acknowledge that he’ll never reach the Gingerbread Safe House in time.

On a more cheery note, kiddies can enjoy this – inedible! – Gingerbread Man without the heart wrenching angst of wanting to eat someone they love.



For the complete pattern (and more tasty commentary):

GINGERBREAD MAN
Toy B-502

COATS & CLARK’S “RED HEART” KNITTING WORSTED, 4 Ply (“Tangle-Proof” Pull-Out Skeins): 2 ounces of No. 356 Taupe.

“Tangle-Proof” is in air quotes, so that when the yarn spontaneously bursts into intractable knots, you can’t sue “Red Heart”.

“Red Heart” is in air quotes, because of the Super Saver Sweatshops where children make cheap yarn, and aren’t given any milk and cookies at break time. Heartless swine!

Knitting Needles, 1 pair No. 6.

“Boiltex” Baby Rick Rack: 1 package of White.

I don’t think I’ve ever read a more terrifying phrase than “Boiltex” Baby Rick Rack. Sure, it’s one thing to eat Gingerbread Men alive, but boiling babies on a rack? At some point, we must draw the line!

2 buttons.

Cotton batting or cut-up nylon stockings for stuffing.

GAUGE: 5 sts = 1 inch; 7 rows = 1 inch.

In my family, we have a strict adult’s only policy for Donner Parties.

What? Too soon?

LEFT LEG . . . Cast on 6 sts. 1st row: K across. 2nd row: P across to within last st, k in front and back of last st – an inc made. 3rd row: K across, increasing in last st. Mark the end of the last row as inner edge of leg. Next 4 rows: Repeat 2nd and 3rd rows twice – 12 sts. 8th row: P across. Next 5 rows: Repeat 3rd and 8th rows twice; then repeat 3rd row once more – 15 sts. 14th row: P across to within last 2 sts, k 2 tog – a dec made. 15th row: K 2 tog, k across. Next 2 rows: Repeat 14th and 15th rows – 11 sts. Starting with a p row, work in stockinette st (p 1 row, k 1 row) until total length is 3 1/2 inches, ending with a k row (inner edge). Break off. Slip these sts on a stitch holder to be used later.

RIGHT LEG . . . Cast on 6 sts. 1st row: P across. 2nd row: K across, increasing in last st. 3rd row: P across, increasing in last st. Mark the end of the last row as inner edge of leg. Next 4 rows: Repeat 2nd and 3rd rows twice – 12 sts. 8th row: K across. Next 5 rows: Repeat 3rd and 8th rows twice; then repeat 3rd row once more – 15 sts. 14th row: K across, decreasing 1 st at end of row. 15th row: K 2 tog, p across. Next 2 rows: Repeat 14th and 15th rows – 11 sts. Starting with a k row, work in stockinette st until total length is 3 1/2 inches, ending with a p row (inner edge). Do not break off but cast on 3 sts for crotch, then starting at inner edge p across sts of Left Leg – 25 sts.

I suppose if animated Gingerbread Men can get married and have children, then they must have crotches.

Nonetheless, in my home, I enforce a strict adult’s only policy on anatomically correct cookies.

BODY . . . * Work even for 1 inch. Dec one st at both ends of next row. Repeat from * once more – 21 sts. Work even until piece measures 3 1/4 inches from crotch, ending with p row.

They said, “...crotch, ending with p row.” Hee!

ARMS . . . Continuing in stockinette st, inc one st at both ends of each of the next 3 rows – 27 sts. Cast on 7 sts at end of last row. Next row: P 34, cast on 7 sts – 41 sts. Following row: K across. Inc one sts at both ends of each of the next 3 rows – 47 sts. Work 2 rows even. Dec one st at both ends of each of the next 2 rows – 43 sts. Next row: K across.

Yes, my inner child is alive and well, why do you ask?

SHOULDERS . . . Bind off 3 sts at beg of next 8 rows – 19 sts. Bind off 5 sts at beg of next 2 rows – 9 sts. Following row: P across.

HEAD . . . Inc one st at both ends of each of the next 4 rows – 17 sts. Place a marker in end of last row. Work even until length is 1 3/4 inches from marker. Dec one st at both ends of each of the next 4 rows – 9 sts. Bind off. Make another piece in same way.

Sew pieces together, leaving one side of Body open. Stuff loosely to keep flat appearance. Close opening. Use Rick Rack to form features and sew in place as shown. Pin Rick Rack to simulate vest...

I originally wrote “to stimulate vest” and was so amused, I was tempted to leave it that way. After all, wouldn’t “Rick Rack” make a terrific porn star name? I bet he’d have a really big... mustache!

...and sew in place. Sew on buttons.

If you’re immune to the cries of orphaned baby gingerbreads, then the Daily World Buzz has an easy gingerbread recipe just for you.

A word of warning. If you do decide to risk baking some real Gingerbread Men, instead of safely knitting them, don’t leave them in the oven too long. They can become a wee bit combative if they’re over-baked.

Click here for the printable pattern.