Super Foxes III: Sunshine on My Breastplate Makes Me Happy

Breastplate Pattern, Round Motif Style, from Patons/Beehive “Breastplates” Book No. 2105, c. 1975.

“Sunshine keeps fallin’ on my head, la, la, la...” warbled Barbie as she skipped over Nefarious Neville’s prone body, and relived him of his large bag of bank loot.

“It’s raindrops,” he snapped. “Raindrops falling on your head!”

“I like sunshine better,” giggled Barbie. “See?” She shoved her chest into his face. “I made myself a big, round, sunshiny sun!”

Dying rapidly from the massive radioactive emissions from her acrylic breastplate (Patons Canadiana, enriched with uranium), Nefarious Neville managed with his final breath to gasp, “What drugs are you on, lady?”

Barbie was offended. “I don’t need drugs. I’m naturally trippy!”

Alas, Barbie had no idea that she was living in the golden age of Superheroineness. Come the eighties, every crook she battled would ask her why she was dressed up like Funshine Bear. Barbie now lives in South America, where she operates a nature preserve for abused Care Bears.



For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

ROUND MOTIF STYLE

For materials list, see part 1.

TENSION: 9 sts = 2 ins.

MOTIF: With A, ch 5. Join with ss to form ring.

1st round: ch 3. 15 dc in ring. Ss in top of ch 3. (16 sts in round)

2nd round: Ch 5. Miss 1st st. * 1 dc in back loop only of next st. ch 2. Repeat from * to end of round. Ss in 3rd st of ch 5. Break A.

3rd round: With C, ch 3. * 2 dc in next ch space. 1 dc in next dc. Ch 3. 1 dc in next dc. Repeat from * 6 times. 2 dc in next ch space. 1 dc in next dc. Ch 3. Ss in top of 1st ch 3. Break C.

4th round: With B, ch 3. Miss 1st st. 1 dc in each st to end of round. Ss in top of ch 3. (56 sts in round). Break B.

5th round: With A, ch 6. Miss 1st 2 sts. 1 dc in back loop of next st.

Hey, what d’ya know? They didn’t bold “in back loop only”!

* Ch 3. Miss 2 sts. 1 dc in back loop of next st.

Maybe they finally trust us to work in the back loop when instructed to do so.

Repeat from * to end of round. Ch 3. Ss in 3rd st of ch 6.

6th round: Ch 3. 1 dc in each st to end of round. Ss in top of ch 3. (76 sts in round). Break A.

7th round: Ch 5. Miss 1st 2 sts. * 1 dc in back loop only of next st.

Evidently not.

Ch 2. Miss 1 st. Repeat from * to end of round. Ss in 3rd st of ch 5. Break C.

8th round: With B, as 3rd round. Break B.

9th round: With A, ch 7. 4 dc in 1st ch space. * Ch 4. 4 dc in next ch space. Repeat from * to end of round. Ch 4. Ss in 3rd st of ch 7. Break A.

10th round: With C, ch 3. Miss 1st st. 1 dc in each st to end of round. Ss in top of ch 3. Fasten off. (152 sts in round).

NECK BAND: With B, ch 70 sts. 1 dc in 3rd ch from hook. 1 dc in next ch. * 2 dc in next ch. 1 dc in each of next 2 ch. Repeat from * to end of ch. Fasten off.

With right side of neck band facing, join B in 37th st.

Don’t you love counting stitches? Don’t you love having to go back and count them again, because your kids keep talking to you?

“Mom, what’s for dinner?” “Mom, I think dinner’s burning.” “Mom, the house is on fire!”

The demands for attention just never end.

Ch 14. 1 hdc in 2nd ch from hook. 1 dc in each of next 3 ch. 2 dc in each of next 5 ch. 1 dc in each ch to end of ch. Miss 3 sts on neck band. Ss in next st. Fasten off.

With right side facing, join B in 41st st from other end of neck band. Ch 18. 1 hdc in 2nd ch from hook. 1 dc in each of next 3 ch. (1 dc to 2 loops on hook in next ch. 1 dc to 3 loops on hook in next ch. Yoh and draw through all 3 loops) 5 times.

I do know that “yoh” means “yarn over hook”, as opposed to “Yo, what’s up, yo”, a greeting which makes you feel cool, but causes your children to cringe every time you use it.

However, if anyone has a clear idea how to interpret “1 dc to 2 loops on hook in next ch, etc...” I’d appreciate an explanation.

1 dc in each ch to end of ch. Miss next 3 sts on neck band. Ss in next st. Fasten off.

Sew neck piece to motif as illustrated.

RIGHT SIDE PIECE: With right side of motif facing, join B in back loop of 18th st from where end of neck piece joins motif.

Ch 3. 1 dc in back loop only of each of next 17. sts. Ch 3. Turn. (18 sts in row).

Jeez, now they’re even bolding the instruction to Turn! I’m not sensing any love here.

2nd row: Miss 1st 2 sts. 1 dc in each st to last 2 sts. Miss next st. 1 dc in top of turning ch. Ch 3. Turn. (16 sts in row).

Repeat 2nd row to 4 sts in row.

Next row: Miss 1st st. 1 dc in each of next 2 sts. 1 dc in top of turning ch.

Repeat last row until side piece measures desired length to middle of back. See note above, then fasten off.

You’ll find the contents of that note in part one of the Superheroine Series, here.

Keep in mind that because this breastplate has to be fitted, you’re not making this as a passive aggressive gift for your frenemy. You’re making it for yourself. You’re the one who’ll be wearing this misguided experiment in acrylic armour. In public.

LEFT SIDE PIECE: With right side of motif facing, join B in back loop o f36th st from other end of neck piece. Ch 3. 1 dc in back loop only of each of next 17 sts. Ch 3. Turn.

I'm pretty sure that bolding two instructions this close together is against the Geneva Conventions.

Continue as given for right side pieces. Press lightly. Sew button at end of neck band and end of left side piece. Use spaces between sts for buttonholes.

Or you could just leave the buttons off and turn it into a giant pot holder. A giant, sunshiney potholder with large ch spaces in each round so your fingers will slip through the holes and get burned.

But really, isn’t that a better option than being mistaken for a Care Bear groupie?

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 - Get the complete set!

Click here for the printable pattern.