And it’s also your duty to love all the bounty Mother Nature provides. And yes, Missy, that includes eating every single one of your vegetables.
What do you mean you don’t like hot peppers?
Don’t you know your Mother lovingly prepared your breakfast burritos by hand? Not only that, she also lovingly crocheted this jalapeño pepper bib, just to keep your clothes – that she sewed for you – clean!
Why can’t you be like Dutifully Beautiful Betty? Sure, she daydreams about cutlery dancing the jitterbug, but at least Betty knows it’s unwise to annoy Mother.
Because just like Mother Nature, you never know when she might erupt.
For the complete pattern (and more snark!):
1 – 300 yd. Ball White and “STAR” PEARL COTTON ARTICLE 90, Size 5, 1 – 50 yd. Ball each of Yellow and Green.
Steel Crochet Hook No. 8.
As your child is refusing to be dutifully beautiful, she clearly doesn’t deserve real DE LUXE COTTON. That’s right, you’re not being cheap by purchasing discount “DE LUXE” thread. You’re teaching your child there’s a price for disappointing Mother.
With White, ch 99, d c in 3rd ch from hook, skip 2 chs, s c in next ch, * ch 2, d c in same st, skip 2 chs, s c in next ch. repeat from * to end of row, ch 4, turn.
2nd Row. D c in 3rd st from hook, s c in s c, (an increase) * ch 2, d c in same s c, s c in next s c, (pattern) repeat from * to last s c, ch 2, d c in same s c, s c in ch 2 loop, ch 2, d c in same loop, (an increase) ch 2, turn.
3rd Row. D c in d c, ch 2, s c in next s c, continue in pattern across row.
4th Row. Increase 1 pattern at beginning and end of row, then work 1 row even.
6th Row. Increase 1 pattern at beginning and end of row, then work 2 rows even.
9th Row. Increase 1 pattern at beginning and end of row, then work in pattern until work measures 6 ½ inches from beginning.
Next 2 Rows. Decrease 1 pattern at beginning and end of each row, then work 1 row even. Decrease 1 pattern at end of every row until 30 patterns remain, then work even in pattern until work measures 11 inches from beginning.
Next Row. Work 12 patterns, ch 2, turn, then work 1 row even, ch 2, turn.
Next Row. Work 11 patterns, ch 2, turn.
Next Row. Decrease 1 pattern at end of row, (outer edge) ch 2, turn.
Next Row. Work 9 patterns, ch 2, turn.
Next Row. Decrease 1 pattern at end of row, ch 2, turn, then work 1 row even.
Next Row. Decrease 1 pattern at end of row, ch 2, turn and work 6 patterns, break thread.
Actually, you may want to reconsider using cotton, “DE LUXE” or otherwise. While it’s better than yarn made out of crystalline polypropylene polymers, there are more environmentally correct options like organic bamboo.
What? Bamboo yarn is manufactured using toxic chemical solvents? It’s not a green choice after all?
Don’t they realize it’s not nice to fool Mother Nature?!
Attach thread in 7th pattern from shoulder just made, leaving 6 patterns free for neck edge and work other shoulder to correspond.
EDGE. Attach Green in lower corner and work pattern st around entire bib, break thread.
TIE. With White, ch 111 and work same as first row of bib, break thread.
Attach Green and work edge around entire tie, break thread. Work another tie in same manner and sew to each side of neck as illustrated. Ch 150 and work two more ties in same manner. Sew in position at underarm.
CARROT.
Wait, carrots? Not hot peppers?
If you ask me, those things on Dutifully Beautiful Betty’s bib look a lot more like this:
Than this:
With Yellow...
Yellow? YELLOW carrots? Never mind what that says about the freshness of the produce, there’s no way anyone’s going to believe you’re crocheting a carrot....ch 4, 2 s c in 2nd ch from hook, 2 s c in each remaining ch, ch 1, turn.
2nd Row. 2 s c in each s c, ch 1, turn.
3rd & 4th Rows. Increase 1 s c in 1st and last s c working 1 s c in each remaining s c, ch 1, turn.
5th, 6th, 7th & 8th Rows. Work even in s c, ch 1, turn.
9th Row. Decrease 1 s c at beginning and end of row, ch 1, turn.
10th Row. Work even.
11th Row. Same as 9th row.
12th Row. Work even.
13th Row. Decrease 1 st at beginning of row, 1 s c in each remaining s c, ch 1, turn.
14th Row. Same as 9th row.
15th, 16th & 17th Rows. Work even.
18th, 19th & 20th Rows. Same as 13th row.
21st & 22nd Rows. Work even.
23rd Row. Same as 13th row.
24th Row. Work even.
25th & 26th Rows. Same as 13th row.
27th Row. Work even.
28th & 29th Rows. Same as 13th row.
30th Row. S c in s c, break thread.
Work another carrot in same manner.
I bet the pattern designer claimed these were carrots because 1940s gringa housewives thought a jalapeño was a Mexican jalopy.
But now that we know the truth, have fun and crochet them up in assorted hot pepper colours!
CARROT STEMS. With Green and working very tightly, work 4 stems 25 chs long and 2 stems 35 chs long. For each carrot tie 2 short and 1 long stems together at center and fasten to top of carrot.
Pencil very lightly “I like”, then with Green embroider in outline st. Sew carrots in position leaving stems free.
And if your child complains that her mouth is burning, just tell her it’s for her own good. Hot peppers will put hair on her chest!
Which will help keep her warm when you decide to go all out for environmentalism, turn off the power, and live a no-impact lifestyle.
Happy Earth Day!
Click here for the printable pattern.
Posts
This blog is always a breath of fresh air - I'm still laughing about the road kill mat!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it hilarious? I think my kids are lucky they're teenagers. Otherwise I'd be decorating their rooms in this stuff. ;-)
ReplyDeleteThat Baby looks too old for a bib to me.
ReplyDeleteJeannie - babies clearly grew up faster in the forties! They were made of sterner stuff than our pampered modern offspring. ;-)
ReplyDelete