Don’t panic!

Mittens and hat patterns from “at the drop of a hat” by Lady Galt, 1968

Because there’s absolutely nothing terrifying about these guillotined gals.

After all, it’s not like these decapitated mannequins are going to come to life and wreak vengeance upon us for incinerating their relations at nuclear test sites.

I’m sure they’re willing to let bygones be bygones. Why just look at their blood red smiles of homicidal happiness...

Oh dear.

For the complete pattern (and more terror!):

Basic Two-Needle Mitts
Childrens size (fits ages 6 to 10). Adult size (fits all adults).

I’m not convinced by the claim that the adult size fits all adults. That purple mitten looks like it barely fits over Mother Mary’s wrists. So, there’s no way they would’ve fit Super Sandy.

MATERIAL: Lady Galt machine launderable Medallion (Group E) (1 strand) – Children: 1 ball; Adult 2 balls.
1 pair needles size 8 (for ribbing); 1 pair needles size 6, OR THE SIZE NEEDLES YOU REQUIRE TO KNIT TO THE TENSION GIVEN BELOW.

TENSION: 3 ½ sts = 1 inch in Stockinette Stitch.

NOTE: Instructions are for Childrens Mitts. Changes for adults are in parentheses. As the finished size of garment is determined by the tension you achieve, be sure to check your tension carefully before beginning to knit.

What do you mean, where are the mannequin head hats? Just let me start out slowly with the mittens. Nice, safe, non-homicidal mittens.

RIGHT MITT: With smaller needles cast on 24 (28) sts. Work in rib of k 1, p 1 for 1 ½ (2 ½) inches. Change to larger needles and work even in stockinette for 1 ½ (2) inches, ending with a knit row. Thumb: Purl first 19 (22) sts and place on a holder, purl to end of row and cast on 4 (6) sts. Work even in stockinette on these 9 (12) thumb sts for 1 ½ (2) inches or ½ inch less than desired length, ending with a purl row. First Dec Row: * K 1, k 2 tog; repeat from * to end. Purl one row. 2nd Dec Row: K 2 tog across row. Break yarn, leaving a 10-inch end, draw through remaining sts, fasten securely and sew thumb seam. Place sts from holder on needle, pick up 5 (6) sts at base of thumb. Work even in stockinette as before for 3 (4 ¼) inches, or 1 inch less than desired length. Shape Top: First Dec Row: * K 2, k 2 tog; repeat from * to end. Purl 1 row. 2nd Dec Row: * K 1, k 2 tog; repeat from * to end. Purl 1 row. 3rd Dec Row: K 2 tog across row. Purl 1 row. Break yarn, leaving an 18’’ end. Draw through remaining sts, fasten securely and sew seam. Darn in ends. DO NOT BLOCK.

LEFT MITT: Work to correspond with Right Mitt reversing all shaping by beginning first row after cuff with a purl row and casting on for thumb on a knit row.

Oh, all right, I’ll pander to your obsession with mannequin millinery.

Here. Look upon the pony-tailed face of doom!

Fashionscene
(One size fits all adults)

I’m fairly certain wearing a flower pot upended on your head was never the “fashion scene” at any point in history.

MATERIAL: 3 balls Lady Galt machine launderable Medallion (Group E) (3 strands).
1 pair 3/4 inch jumbo needles.

TENSION: 1 ½ sts = 1 inch.

BODY OF HAT: Cast on 12 sts. Work in Stockinette Stitch (knitting in back of knit sts) for 20 ins. Cast off.

Besides, if you’re going to wear a flowerpot as a hat, you’ve got to do it to the max.

Top: With right side toward you, pick up and knit 36 sts along one side of strip. Continue to work in stockinette, work 2 sts tog across row for next 3 rows, ending k 1 on last row. Break yarn, leaving a 25 inch end, draw through remaining sts and fasten securely.

FINISHING: Sew seam. DO NOT BLOCK.

Militaire
(One size fits all adults)

Frankly, Fashionscene Gal doesn’t worry me half as much as Miss Militaire. That itchy rope under her chin is keeping her in a constant killing rage.

MATERIAL: Lady Galt machine launderable Medallion (Group E) (3 strands).
Colour A: 2 balls. Colour B: 2 balls. Colour C: 1 ball. 1 pair 3/4 inch jumbo needles. 2 buttons.

TENSION: 2 sts = 1 inch.

PATTERN STITCH: Row 1: * Knit in 2nd st on left needle, slipping off needle over first st, k first st; repeat from * to end. Row 2: P 1, * purl in 2nd st on left needle, slipping off needle over first st, p first st; repeat from * to last st, p 1.

BODY OF HAT: With one strand each of Colours A, B, and C cast on 14 sts. Work in Pattern Stitch for 22 ins. Cast off.

Just be thankful she’s only a disembodied head. Everyone knows once a villain has been beheaded, they’re totally harmless!

Well, mostly harmless.

Top: With Colour A and right side toward you, pick up and knit 22 sts along one side of strip. Working in Reverse Stockinette (purl on right side, knit on wrong side) and starting with a knit row, work one row even. First Dec Row: P 1, * p 2 tog, p 1; repeat from * to end. Knit 1 row even. 2nd Dec Row: P 2 tog to last 3 sts, p 3 tog. Break yarn, leaving a 25 inch end, draw through remaining sts and fasten securely.

Peak: With Colour A and right side toward you, pick up and knit 16 sts in centre of opposite edge of hat. Working in Reverse Stockinette starting with a knit row, dec 1 st each end, every row until 8 sts remain. Place on holder.

FINISHING: Across outer edge of peak pick up and cast off 16 sts (including those on holder). Sew seam. For a firmer peak run a length of millinery wire around the outer edge of peak. Make a twisted or braided cord 28 inches long. Trim hat as illustrated, placing buttons on sides of hat at ends of peak. DO NOT BLOCK.

Hear that? DO NOT BLOCK! Or else Miss Militaire will command her army of headless robots to hunt you down and fling you into a fiery pit.

Or your majorette friends will mock you.

Either way, you’ll pay dearly for your disobedience.

Click here for the printable pattern.