Whoa, that was some trip!

Penguin from Beehive Bazaar, c. 1975

Not all penguins spent the Sixties hard at work in the fish-flinging factories. Plenty of penguin hippies spent the summer of love stoned out of their avian minds, convinced they really could fly. By the 1970s, these free wheeling, free-loving penguins were suffering one heck of a post-party hangover.

This penguin looks like he’s having a particularly rough time coming back to earth. Apparently his friends never warned him about those wacky acid flashbacks.

For the complete pattern (and more snark!):

Here’s our penguin hanging out with his no-account friends. In front, is Dopey the Dachshund who’s so baked he can’t even stand up. Mr. Tweak the Bear in the background hasn’t slept in a week.

Yes, kids, this is your playroom on drugs.

All I’m saying is, keep Pete Doherty away from penguins!

Penguin

MATERIALS : Canadiana Knitting Worsted or Canadiana Sayelle (2 oz): 2 balls black and 1 ball each of white and orange. Two 4 1/2 mm (No. 7) Milward knitting needles or whichever needles you require to produce the tension given below. Kapok for stuffing.

That’s kapok, not cotton. Don’t you know cotton is not only a symbol of white colonial oppression, it’s also bad for the planet?

TENSION: 5 sts and 6 1/2 rows – 1 inch (2.5 cm) in stocking st.

MEASUREMENT: Height approx. 13 ins (33cm).

M1 = Make 1 st by picking up horizontal loop lying before next st and working into back of it.

CHEST: With white, cast on 34 sts and work 3 ins (8 cm) stocking st, ending with right side facing.
Dec 1 st each end of needle on next, then every following 6th row to 28 sts on needle. Work 3 rows even.
Next row: K 2tog. Knit to last 2 sts. K2tog. Work 3 rows even.
Next row: (K 2tog tbl). K4. (K2tog tbl). Knit to last 8 sts. K2tog. K4. K2tog. Work 3 rows even.
Next row: (K 2tog tbl). K4. (K2tog tbl). Knit to last 8 sts. K2tog. K4. K2tog. Work 1 row even.
Next row: K 2tog. Knit to last 2 sts. K2tog. Work 1 row even.
Next row: (K 2tog tbl). K1. (K2tog tbl). Knit to last 5 sts. K2tog. K1. K2tog.
Next row: P2tog. Purl to last 2 sts. P2tog. Repeat these last 2 rows once. (4 sts on needle). Cast off.

Polyester stuffing might be a suitable substitute for kapok, considering that this pattern is from the Seventies. Plaid polyester stuffing would be especially appropriate.

BODY: With black, cast on 22 sts and work 3 ins (8 cm) stocking st, ending with right side facing.
Inc 1 st beginning next, then every following 6th row to 25 sts on needle. Work 3 rows even.
Inc 1 st beginning next row. Work 3 rows even.
Next row: K1. M1. Knit to last 12 sts. K2tog. K 10. Work 3 rows even.
Next row: K1. M1. Knit to last 12 sts. K2tog. K 10. Work 1 row even.
Next row: K1. M1. Knit to end of row.
Next row: Purl to last st. M1. P1.
Next row: K1. M1. Knit to last 12 sts. K2tog. K 10.
Next row: Purl to last st. M1. P1.
Repeat last 2 rows once. (30 sts on needle). Break yarn. Leave remaining sts on st holder.

With black, cast on 22 sts and work 3 ins (8 cm) stocking st, ending with right side facing.
Inc 1 st at end of next, then every following 6th row to 25 sts on needle. Work 3 rows even.
Inc 1 st at end of next row. Work 3 rows even.

Next row: K10. K2tog. Knit to last st. M1. K1. Work 3 rows even.
Next row: K10. K2tog. Knit to last st. M1. K1. Work 1 row even.
Next row: Knit to last st. M1. K1.
Next row: P1. M1. Purl to end of row.
Next row: K10. K2tog. Knit to last st. M1. K1.
Next row: P1. M1. Purl to end of row.
Repeat last 2 rows once. (30 sts on needle).
Next row: K30. Cast on 4 sts. Knit 30 sts from st holder. (64 sts on needle). Purl 1 row.

Or you could just opt for plaid penguin cookies - presumably not made of polyester.

Not only are they faster to make than a giant, kapok-stuffed, drug-addled penguin, they’re also edible! Which will definitely help with any attacks of the munchies.

To shape head: 1st row: K1. (K2tog. K10) 5 times. K2tog. K1.
2nd and alternate rows: Purl.
3rd row: K3. (K2tog. K8) 5 times. K2tog. K3.
5th row: K5. (K2tog. K6) 5 times. K2tog. K5. (46 sts on needle).
7th row: Knit.
9th row: K2. (M1. K14.) 3 times. M1. K2.
11th row: K4. (M1. K14.) 3 times. M1. K4.
13th row: K1. M1. K27. M1. K26.
15th row: K14. M1. K28. M1. K14.
17th row: K1. M1. K29. M1. K28.
Work 11 rows even.

Next row: K2. (K2tog. K4) 9 times. K2tog. K2.
Next row: Purl.
Next row: K1. (K2tog. K3) 9 times. K2tog. K2.
Next row: Purl.
Next row: (K2tog. K2) 10 times.
Next row: Purl.
Next row: (K2tog) 15 times. Break yarn. Thread end through remaining sts. Draw up and fasten securely. Sew back seam.

Of course, you can go too far in your search for the ultimate penguin munchies.

Here, a heartless housewife has recreated for her jaded guests the unholy feeding ceremony of the North Pole penguin unicorns. After circling three times, these rarely seen penguins will drag an innocent Inuit out of the igloo and sacrifice him to their dreadful God, spearing their hapless victim repeatedly with their demonic horns.

BASE: With black, cast on 3 sts and knit 1 row.
2nd and alternate rows: Purl.
3rd row: (K1. M1) twice. K1.
5th row: (K1. M1) 4 times. K1.
7th, 9th, 11th and 13th rows: (K1. M1) twice. Knit to last 2 sts. (M1. K1) twice.
15th and 17th rows: K1. M1. Knit to last st. M1. K1.
19th, 21st and 23rd rows: Knit.
25th and 27th rows: K1. (K2tog tbl). Knit to last 3 sts. K2tog. K1.
29th, 31st, 33rd and 35th rows: (K2tog tbl) twice. Knit to last 4 sts. (K2tog) twice.
37th row: K1. (K2tog) 4 times.
39th row: K1. (K2tog) twice.
40th row: P3. Cast off.

Sew curved sides of chest to curved sides of body. Sew base to lower edge of body, leaving an opening for stuffing. Stuff firmly. Sew remaining seam.

RIGHT WING: With black, cast on 11 sts and work 2 rows stocking st.
3rd row: K1. M1. Knit to last 3 sts. K2tog. K1.
4th and alternate rows: Purl.
5th row: Knit.
7th row: As 3rd row.
9th row: K1. M1. Knit to end of row.
11th and 13th rows: As 3rd row.
14th and 16th rows: Purl to last st. M1. P1.
15th and 17th rows: As 3rd row.
19th row: P2tog. Purl to last st. M1. P1. Repeat last 2 rows twice. (14 sts on needle).

23rd row: K1. (K2tog tbl). Knit to last 4 sts. (K2tog) twice.
24th row: (P2tog) twice. Purl to last 3 sts. P2tog. P1.
25th row: K1 (K2tog tbl). K1. (K2tog) twice.
26th row: P2tog. P1. P2tog. (3 sts on needles). Cast off.

Don’t despair! I’m sure that there’s some penguin snacks we can all enjoy that are less ... predatory.

LEFT WING: With black, cast on 11 sts and work 2 rows stocking st.
3rd row: K1. K2tog. Knit to last st. M1. K1.
4th and alternate rows: Purl.
5th row: Knit.
7th row: As 3rd row.
9th row: Knit to last st. M1. K1.
11th and 13th rows: As 3rd row.
14th and 16th rows: P1. M1. Purl to end of row.
15th and 17th rows: As 3rd row.
18th row: P1. M1. Purl to last 2 sts. P2tog. Repeat last 2 rows twice. (14 sts on needle).

23rd row” K1. (K2tog tbl). Knit to last 4 sts. (K2tog) twice.
24th row: (P2tog) twice. Purl to last 3 sts. P2tog. P1.
25th row: K1 (K2tog tbl). K1. (K2tog) twice.
26th row: P2tog. P1. P2tog. (3 sts on needles). Cast off.

AAUGH! It’s the Abominable Snow Penguin!

WING LINING: For left wing lining, with orange work as given for right wing. For right wing lining, with orange work as given for left wing. Sew linings to wings, sew to sides of body.

BEAK: (Make 2). With orange, cast on 12 sts and work 4 rows stocking st.
Dec 1 st each end of needle on next, then every following 4th row to 4 sts on needle. Purl 1 row.
Next row: (K2tog tbl). K2tog.
Next row: Purl. Cast off. Sew side seams, leaving cast-on edges open. Stuff firmly and set to head as illustrated.

Okay, I’m heading over to Miss Renee’s Kindergarten. Surely, that’ll be a safe place to find non-terrifying penguin snacks.

Oh God, his eyes! This poor penguin was on such a bad trip his eyeballs exploded!

FOOT: (Make 4). With orange, cast on 6 sts and work 2 rows stocking st.
Inc 1 st each end of needle on next, then every following 4th row to 20 sts on needle. Work 1 row even.

1st toe: K6. Turn.
**Next row: P6.
Next row: K1. (K2tog tbl). K2tog. K1.
Next row: P4.
Next row: (K2tog tbl). K2tog. Pass 1st st over 2nd st. Fasten off.**

2nd toe: With right side of work facing, join yarn to remaining sts. K8. Turn.
Next row: P8.
Next row: K1. (K2tog tbl). K2. K2tog. K1. Work from ** to ** as given for 1st toe.

3rd toe: With right side of work facing, join yarn to remaining sts. K6.
Work from ** to ** as given for 1st toe.

With right sides together, sew 2 pieces together, matching toe shapings and leaving cast-on edges open. Turn to right side and join cast-on edges together. Sew to base with toes showing as illustrated. With white, embroider eyes as illustrated.

No wonder our stuffed penguin pal was barely surviving the Seventies. Here’s hoping the Eighties will be a kinder, gentler time for penguin-kind!

Click here for the printable pattern.